We got a little more rain.  Others got a lot more.  I need a little more time in the day.

I have experienced some real difficulties in life.  I mean serious stuff.  Ppfft!!  Not really.

I mean, I truly do not know what it is like to be hungry.  Sure, I’ve been hungry but not starving.

I truly do not know what it is like to grow up in a bad home life.  I’ve seen some bad stuff.  But it wasn’t where I grew up.  My kids, my wife and myself grew up with people that gave their all to their kids as well as others.  Perfect?  No.  But dang neart.  The things that weren’t perfect made us better.  You all know what I mean.

So, when I dialed the 1-888 # tonight, I knew that I was not going to get Jeff Bezos on the direct line.  But, when I sent the respond email this morning, I also expected better than I got.

Paul Harvey time.  (Play commercial–insert sponsor here–)

I hate shaving.  I hate it.  But, I have to most days.  I have the facial hair of a purebred Berkshire pig.  Not these dang good crossed up berks that we now show.  I mean the old school Berks that had hair that immediately dulled an Oster #10 blade.   So, does that mean that I can grow a cool, thick beard….NO!  It means that each individual hair is thick enough to dull any given razor blade.

My morning routine consists of brush hogging these 84 thick hairs with a Panasonic electric shaver.  Then, I smear some DSC shave butter on my face and use a DSC blades razor to smooth this mug out.  It is a pain in the ass.  BUT, if I don’t do it, two days later, I need a Stihl chainsaw to cut these coarse hairs.  And let’s not discuss the ear hair or nose hair.

And now, for the rest of the story.  A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a screen and blade kit from amazon.  I received a screen from amazon, but no blades.  But the order was on time.  But billed full price. WELlLlLLl ..ck!   Maybe, I effed up the order.  Doubt it, but maybe.  So , I reordered from a different provider.  The email said that it would be delivered by Aug. 20-22.  It was a DHL tracking #.

On the early AM of the 24th, I sent an email that I had not received these parts.  That night, I got an email saying that the “post office is experiencing some delays, would but we would greatly appreciate it if you’d be willing to wait a couple of more days.”   Wait?  What?  That set me off.  It was a DHL now a USPS shipment.  Like the old school Casa Bonita restaurants and a table that wanted some more chips or sopapilla–a RED flag went up.

DHL was the original delivery service.  Now, a USPS tracking #.  You tell me.  Should I be concerned?  So, I checked my card account.  Guess what?  I’ve already paid for this shit and it is past due on delivery.

I called Amazon.  Not the # on the emails….but that little company called Amazon.  First, poor bastard.  ( I got no other term).   I apologized and then explained how the world used to shop at wal-mart, then amazon, and I wanted him to keep his job.  Dude, here’s my problem.  What do I do?

His reply….file claim to refund money now or wait till monday to see if product ships.  I was polite.  I swear, pinky dog double swear.  It wasn’t his fault that he had a shitty job answering a call with me on the other line.  He thanked me.?!

Dude, I want the parts.  But, I wanted them when I ordered them.  So, we agreed that I needed to talk to product manager.

And her name was……..MARGE.    RUSM?!   No, it wasn’t.  I call BS.  I called her by name numerous times…..all with delayed response.  Like she had to remember who Marge was.  Lots of phone sounds and talking in the background.  I envision a notebook with a page that consists of “NON-adversial names” and MARGE was close to the top.

You can ask the Dragon Lady.  I was polite.  I explained how I didn’t want my money back if I got the product that I ordered….in a timely fashion.  AND….AND…that I didn’t like the emails about one provider being the delivery agent and NOW blaming a different group.  I feel cheated.  I do.  But it could be worse.

I am real sure that I have let these words loose from my lips before, “I would rather be kicked in the nuts than ever enter a wal-mart again.”   Well, many more episodes like this from amazon and I guess that I will take TWO kicks to the nuts and venture back into that side of the darkness.

In the end, if you are as big as amazon…don’t blame it on anybody.  Just fix and get on down the road.

And in the end, all I want is what I ordered and paid for.

I got a phone call from my buddy Schoovy.  Best that I have heard him sound in a while.  Although, there is still some road to travel, things are looking up for Mama Schoovy.  Power of prayer and positivity.  Keep it up.

He was bragging on family and friends.  Very upbeat.  I like it.  He has also had time to study some online sales.  SCARY!

I thoroughly enjoy showing a grand animal.  Always have, always will.  But those critters that we show are not who defines me.  I enjoy the journey, the study of the genetics, the feeding program, the exercise, the showmanship and most importantly, the people involved.  I don’t even care what species it is.  Yes, I like the chase, the journey and the end story.  But the main characters are what brings the story to life and makes it real.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of kids lately.  If you watch or listen to our current news media, they will have you believe that kids aren’t of much account.  I’m here to tell you the truth.  I’m in the trenches and seeing this next generation…first hand and up close.

I can start with my own two progeny.  Yes, the daughter has done well and her parents are proud.  But, she isn’t without fault.  No, the son isn’t perfect and could do some things better.  But here is the truth.  Both kids are better than their parents.  WAY BETTER!  And that is our goal.

This may be stupid.  Maybe not.  I don’t really care.  For years now, I have made every 8th grader learn the photosynthesis equation.  If you don’t know it, well, you should.

6H2O + 6CO2 (in the presence of sunlight and chlorophyll)  yields C6H12O6 + 6O2

It is the basis of life.  PERIOD.

For a grade, these kids have to get up in front of class and say it.  Oh yeah, I kind of like the public speaking. They will have to do it at some point.  Why not in front of their peers?  Plus, no papers to grade.

We did this today.  Some knew it and rocked it.  Some had to study a bit more.  29 8th graders in class.  None.  I mean NO negativity.  Encouragement, high fives, clapping and truly wanting to see their class mates get it done.  Regardless of gender, race, intelligence level, clothing, whatever the he!!.  If someone missed a part, they corrected them and coached them to try again.  I wasn’t the teacher.  I was just lucky to be there.

Good news.  Look around and listen.  It’s there.

Have a good one and a way better tomorrow.  Please and thank you.

And additives are included in this topic.

Regardless of species, I have long subscribed to a very simple doctrine of livestock feeding.

“It isn’t what you feed but how you feed it.”

Fresh water, timely feedings, proper management and quality feed stuffs.  And yes, in that order.

1–If they don’t have a good drink, the chemical reactions can’t occur.

2–If their gut and/or metabolism gets thrown out of whack–things aren’t smooth.

3–Keep an animal comfortable (temp, climate, exercise, etc.)  The first two are easy, it starts to get a bit hard at this point.

4–There are LOTS of quality feeds available.  Some better than others.  NOT a best one.  Just the best one for you.

If you don’t manage 1 through 3, number 4 doesn’t matter.  4 is the easiest to change and/or blame.  So, that brings us to the entire industry of feeds and additives.  All of us would like a “magic pill”.  It does NOT exist.  But, if you take a banner pic, people will buy it, try it and swear by it although it was probably 1 through 3 combined with genetics that actually worked.

There is an entire industry devoted to feeds and additives.  And some of it is BS.  Maybe most.  At least you feel like you tried if you buy some of it and use it.  Heck, I’ve been guilty.  Then, I had the stuff analyzed and tested and went $h!t, I knew it.  My point…basic nutrition and common sense should prevail ( but it doesn’t).

Basically, if the additive costs as much or more than your goat, well, then you probably don’t need that additive.

Sure, there is a brand of goat feed called Special K.  I know it and feed it.  I can tell anybody how to feed it.  I can also tell you about several other brands of feed.  The closest high quality feed stuff is always a concern.  Special K is a limited distribution deal.  I don’t get paid to sell it, but I can tell you how to feed a good one while utilizing it.  It is actually simple and makes more sense than most.  Basic nutrition goes a long way.

GO Juice–yep, I can tell you all about it.  I HIGHLY recommend it regardless of feed brand.  I don’t make much on it, but I can TELL you about it and prove why it works.

Additives–We have fed Vindicator for almost a decade.  Does it work miracles?  NO!  But I can see benefits.  Appetite, immune system and urinary calculi prevention.  Therefore, we feed it.

Drenches—OH crap!    We have used Crusade for a long time.  I’ve used others with mixed results.  My favorite drench—WATER.  Yes, straight water.  Common sense will go a long way if you stop and think about it.  But, most won’t.  They will just buy whatever.  And then squirt it down their throats on a regular cycle.

I could go on and on about feeds and feeding.  Pick a species, I have a story or three.  I’ve used a lot, if not most, of the feeds and/or additives that are currently on the market.  Most of which, I have used for FREE.  Some have their place depending on the animal–others are snake oil.

Why write this tonight?   I’ll tell you why.  Duke and I are dealers for several different deals. Not all livestock oriented.  But, if we use something and can get something cheaper, then let’s be a dealer.  One of the things that we do use and carry has numerous additives.  I got a call tonight needing us to order a cattle “hair growth” product.   Okay.  But then, when we got on the website to order this EXTREMELY popular hair growth additive, the first picture that pops up is a steer from San Antonio.  Wait?  What?  Isn’t San Antonio a slick shear show?  Yes, yes it is.  WTH?  Maybe even WTF?

I’ve been missing out.   My son is a dealer for an extremely popular product that works great in slick shear shows.   Guess what?!!?   Last I checked,  every market goat is slick sheared.  So, if you need a product for your slick sheared goats–market wethers, wether dams, market does, sale goats–whatever.  Well then, I know a dude that can hook you up.  Feed it and they will slick off wicked awesome combined with an abundance of leg hair.

Over and out.

Like the energizer bunny, this dead goat is still going–  Rumour Has It.  He’s been dead over two years now.  But those genetics are still going.

At the recently concluded Iowa State Fair, the grand 4-H doe was raised and shown by Goretska’s.  This doe was sired by Truth Be Told.  This is the first kid crop out of this Rumour son that they bought from us in our ’17 online buck sale.

The grand commercial doe was out of Seelke’s Deuce buck (a Rumour son)  and the reserve grand commercial doe was out of Deuce’s twin sister.  Three more banners for Rumour Has It and his progeny.  Congrats to those showman and breeders.

Throw in a Rumour Has It daughter that won a class at OYE this year, a Law & Order doe kid that won a class at OYE, numerous premium sale wethers at county, district and state shows and that goat just keeps going and going and going.

No, I didn’t get my part.  Yes, it is supposed to be here on Monday afternoon.  YOU DANG SKIPPY that I got my donuts.  I bought a dozen fresh Daylight donuts.  I ate one.  Let some seniors eat some of them.  Then we had a bit of economics lesson on the last three.  It is called supply and demand.  I sold the first one for $3.  Then the next two brought a dollar each.  I bet that group of kids will remember that donut auction more than any lesson that they encounter in school.  Welcome to the real world.

I did learn something while at the donut shop.  That was the first day of school for Woodward.  And there was a high # of hot moms there with their kids.  If the Dragon Lady kicks me to the curb.  I now know where there is a target rich environment.  Of course, that only happens once a year.

I needed to make a mile or two looking for some wethers for kids.  But, I stayed near home.  I’m glad that I did.  We had a visitor here on Saturday morning.  He was just here to pick up a deal or two.  But, with all the rain and no wind, it was dang nice just sitting and BSing.  Plain, glazed donut awesome.

Then, the same thing happened Sunday evening with different people.  Just chill.  I am scared to say anything about our weather here in paradise.  We are as wet, green and wind free as I can EVER remember for a July and August.  I don’t have enough goats to keep the weeds ate down.

Grumpy Old Men is on and will be followed by Grumpier Old Men.  I love those movies.  They were so well made and so dang funny!

–“I find you disgusting.”     –“Well, just as long as you find me.”

Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time.
Melanie: Really?
Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.

In both movies, they go fishing.  It is August of 2018 and I have yet to wet a line.  Things are going to have to change.

Grandpa: “Well let me tell you something now, Johnny. Last Thursday, I turned 95 years old. And I never exercised a day in my life. Every morning, I wake up, and I smoke a cigarette. And then I eat five strips of bacon. And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich. And for a midday snack?”
John: “Bacon.”
Grandpa: “Bacon! A whole damn plate! And I usually drink my dinner. Now according to all of them flat-belly experts, I should’ve took a dirt nap like thirty years ago. But each year comes and goes, and I’m still here. Ha! And they keep dyin’. You know? Sometimes I wonder if God forgot about me. Just goes to show you, huh?”

    Speaking of bacon, it is Blue & Gold sausage and bacon sales time.  I love that sausage and bacon.  If you don’t live in the right part of the world to get Blue & Gold sausage and bacon, then you need to hit me up and we will hook you up.  Good stuff. 

Google Burgess Meredith, Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathau.  Look at their film credits.  True legends of the screen.  Sophia Loren, Ann-Margaret and Darryl Hannah make these movies classics.

“No there ain’t no moral.  I like that story.  That’s all.  Like that story.”

“Speak for yourself!’

It is amazing how 2 minutes….and a wrong decision….can change your day or for that matter, week.  Nothing really bad happened but 2 minutes could make a difference.  I know of numerous times that I wish that I would have walked into the kidding barn 2 minutes earlier.

This afternoon, we had a big project that involved using the plasma cam.  On the first run, it cut like crap.  I checked settings, connections, torch and everything seemed in order.  Tried again.  Cut like crap.  Then I realized that the air compressor wasn’t keeping up.  WTH?  Something was wrong with the gauge and/or pressure switch.  And not just any pressure switch–has to be 220 with ports for a gauge and relief valve.

Didn’t have one in Shattuck.  Got advice (and this is where my problems started.  I KNEW where to go BUT…BUT….).  Headed to Woodward.  Made first scheduled stop before they closed.  Done.  Headed to the advised spot.  They looked at me with blank stares.  CRAP! (not the word that I thought but whatever)    So I headed back to the first place that I mentioned to the “professionals” that recommended the other place that didn’t have a clue.

I pulled in at 5:02.  Yep.  They locked down at 5:00.  Wasn’t even a vehicle in their vast parking lot.  So, I started making stops around Woodward.  Nope. No.  Not a chance.  Not tonight.  I felt like a married dude.

Made several phone calls and got the same reply.  “You were on the right track. But they close at 5.  But they are open at 7:30 in the morning.”

At this point, I just spent time thinking back to every thing from 2:30 p.m. to 5:02 p.m. that cost me two minutes.  It is scary as to how many little things can add up to something that changes your schedule.

So, tonight, I sat on the table in the front yard and watched a two minute nature video about marsupials.  Those “True Facts” videos make me laugh, but I also occasionally learn something as well.  Wombat pouches aren’t the same as Kangaroo pouches.  And I did hear a cool song about Koalas in the rain.

Which brings me to 9:38 p.m, sitting here at the keyboard.  Tonight, I had a couple of cool minutes with the wife and favorite son.  Just sitting at that table, laughing about stuff, nothing, everything.  Then I watched those nature videos.

But, then I remembered my morning drive.  My description will never do the visual justice.  But I saw it.  And it was wicked badass cool!

About 7:20 this morning, just east of Gage, OK.  There was a 5’x6′ round bale sitting next to the north side fence and something was perched upon it.  What kind of bird, what in the hell, that ain’t no bird!  WOW!!  What a view.  Rain clouds to the northwest, morning sun rays poking though directly north of the setting and sunrise to the east.  I had to slow down from 80 something, crossed the bridge, waited on traffic, cut a legal u-turn on the highway and headed back east.   That critter just stayed there.  I pulled out my phone, clicked the camera icon, slowed down and well crap, it saw me slowing down and jumped off the round bale.

There was a coyote perched absolutely statuesque perfect on top of that round bale.  Feet placed perfect, ears pricked up, eyes straight forward.  A talented online livestock salesperson couldn’t have photoshopped that visual any better than what I saw.  Two words came to mind when I saw this picture perfect moment–National Geographic.  That shot was that good.  I saw it but don’t have it.  2 minutes earlier and I might have.

My day started off wicked cool.  Had a couple of minutes or three that cost me.  I spent some time pondering the day, well, at least 2 minutes.  Then got home and enjoyed 2 minutes here and there.

Now, I realize that I will be back in Woodward, waiting 2 minutes early for that parts store to open.  Then, I will take 2 minutes to swing by and get some Daylight Donuts as I head back to school.  The way I see it, I will need a donut to make my day better.

And I guaran-dang-tee-u that those that will deal with me tomorrow might need a donut or two and maybe 2 minutes of a head start to get away from me if that dang switch doesn’t fix the problem.

Have a good one and a better tomorrow.  I will.  DONUTS!

What happens?  It.  And it also rhymes with….

Mama always said, “If you ain’t got nothing good to say than don’t say nothing.”  My mom didn’t say that as she does not nor has she ever talked like that.

But, there are a lot of times that she told me to shut my mouth.  And I probably should have listened.  But I didn’t.  Now, is not one of those times.  I really don’t have much to say–good or bad.  I dealt with some goat issues today.  My mind is mush.  However…….

Judging from the multiple texts, I guess that I should have stuck around for the Dodge City small animal and everything else auction last Saturday.  It sounds like an event.  All I wanted to do was get rid of some goats for several people in the greater Ellis County metropolitan area.  But, I guess I missed out.  I did see people with rabbits, pigs, chickens, ponies and even some dudes lining up garden type tools with sale # stickers on them (shovels and rakes.  No hoes.  I might have probably would have definitely stuck around to watch some hoes sell.)  I did notice that it was a busy place.  Somebody probably should have been charging a fee to enter the sale barn lot.  Kind of like a toll booth in the middle of nowhere.  We could have even had Slim Pickens yelling “Has anybody got a dime?  Somebody needs to go back and get a shit load of dimes!!”

Trifecta.  10 million bonus points.  No more constipation.  When it comes to finding a way to use quotes from the most quotable movie ever made, one could question if I am gifted?

Oh, it’s twue. It’s twue.  It’s twue!

I apologize.

GOD speed to any of you needing a prayer or so.  I truly hope that all of you have a good day and a better tomorrow…everyday.

Sometimes, it feels better to haul a couple of turds off as opposed to selling some high dollar goats.  Piece of mind is worth a lot.  So, I finally found time when a sale barn is open to haul some crapper goats from my house and several others.

Last week, a middle school kid hit me up, and said, “Mr. Kelln, I need to sell Bodie and Utah.”  Good, it’s about time was my thoughts.

This boy got this first show doe four years ago.  After the doe was done showing, his grandpa borrowed a buck from a buddy and bred this doe.  I had planned on breeding her to one of our bucks but it was too late.  She had twin buck kids.   The boy didn’t want me to “hurt” them, so they didn’t get banded and they didn’t get horns burnt.  He named them Bodie and Utah.  Yes, he likes the original Point Break movie.

Now, he had a pair of 2 year old bucks and no does.  I asked him what made him decide to sell them.  This seventh grade boy told me, “They need to go somewhere to find some ladies because it is un-natural what they do to each other.”

He rode with me to Dodge City to the sale barn.  You couldn’t have two more opposite mind sets.  I am old and crusty and could have cared less about the goats that I had in the trailer.  I just wanted them gone.  He liked his goats, they were his friends but he knew that they had to go somewhere else.  When we drove off from the load out, he got really quiet which is not like him.  I asked him if he wanted to go find some lunch.  NO.  Which is not like him.  I noticed him quietly shed a tear or two.  He took a deep breath and changed his mind about eating.

A couple of Arby’s roast beef sandwiches later and he was getting back to normal.  About 3o minutes later, he said, “Mr. Kelln, I hope that one of the workers accidentally forgets to close a gate and Bodie and Utah can get into a pen with a whole bunch of does and they can have fun.”

Have a good one and a better tomorrow.

In America, one of the the most often used acronyms is a four letter unit known as ESPN.   Yes, the sports conglomerate that dominates all things sports.  Some of their stuff is awesome, namely the 30for30 spots that they have done.

I am of the age that remembers ESPN when it got started.  It was the first time that I watched Australian Rules Football, rugby, poker and arena football.  They also had the friday night fights which was the first time that I watched Mike Tyson.  Their anchors became tv icons.  Chris Berman, Dan Patrick, Keith Olberman, etc, etc.  They added channels…ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN classic, etc. etc.   And then, they became so big that a movie made fun of them.  Back in 2004, the movie Dodgeball even poked fun at them. They made up an ESPN channel for the obscure sport of dodgeball.  Yeah, you all know what I am writing about.  The Ocho.  ESPN 8.

I don’t know if you all caught it today or not.  I did.  At 5 am this morning, as I watched the start of Golic & Wingo, I realized that something was going on with ESPN2.  They were calling it “The Ocho”.  It was 8-8-2018.  Dude, they dedicated an entire channel to obscure sports for this date.  And I had to go to teacher meetings?   WTH?!

I watched stuff about corn hole, rock/paper/scissors, darts, trick pool shots and dodge/juggling (yes, exactly as you read it).  I missed the light-saber fencing and goat roping.   But I caught the ending of the over-time dodgeball game between Malaysia and England.  (What?)

The cool thing was the “OCHO” logo.  It had a small wrench under the wording “The OCHO”.  Just a nod to the movie.  I love it.  And then, they ended the night with the Dodgeball movie.  I bet the ratings for the OCHO channel was off the hook.  I like the fact that they used some humor from a movie to acknowledge their origins and made it fun.

Of course, I am a bit twisted and I remember the lines from the announcers of the Dodgeball tourney.

“Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe’s shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match. Unbelievable. I have been to the Great Wall of China. I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt. I’ve even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we’ve witnessed here.”

Truth Be Told, I only remember the part about the great wall, pyramids and a camel.

No matter how big or famous one becomes, there isn’t a thing wrong with acknowledging your background and heritage.  Too many out grow a situation and forget what got them to that point.  We dang sure ain’t one of the big ones, but I do like to look back and remember what it was like fifteen years and where the fun was.  Sometimes, in the goat industry, I feel like I’m just playing a fun game like dodgeball.  And other times, I feel like I am dodging, ducking, diving, dipping and dodging a flying wrench…or two.

Have a good one, or eight of them.  And of course, a better tomorrow.