I have experienced some real difficulties in life.  I mean serious stuff.  Ppfft!!  Not really.

I mean, I truly do not know what it is like to be hungry.  Sure, I’ve been hungry but not starving.

I truly do not know what it is like to grow up in a bad home life.  I’ve seen some bad stuff.  But it wasn’t where I grew up.  My kids, my wife and myself grew up with people that gave their all to their kids as well as others.  Perfect?  No.  But dang neart.  The things that weren’t perfect made us better.  You all know what I mean.

So, when I dialed the 1-888 # tonight, I knew that I was not going to get Jeff Bezos on the direct line.  But, when I sent the respond email this morning, I also expected better than I got.

Paul Harvey time.  (Play commercial–insert sponsor here–)

I hate shaving.  I hate it.  But, I have to most days.  I have the facial hair of a purebred Berkshire pig.  Not these dang good crossed up berks that we now show.  I mean the old school Berks that had hair that immediately dulled an Oster #10 blade.   So, does that mean that I can grow a cool, thick beard….NO!  It means that each individual hair is thick enough to dull any given razor blade.

My morning routine consists of brush hogging these 84 thick hairs with a Panasonic electric shaver.  Then, I smear some DSC shave butter on my face and use a DSC blades razor to smooth this mug out.  It is a pain in the ass.  BUT, if I don’t do it, two days later, I need a Stihl chainsaw to cut these coarse hairs.  And let’s not discuss the ear hair or nose hair.

And now, for the rest of the story.  A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a screen and blade kit from amazon.  I received a screen from amazon, but no blades.  But the order was on time.  But billed full price. WELlLlLLl ..ck!   Maybe, I effed up the order.  Doubt it, but maybe.  So , I reordered from a different provider.  The email said that it would be delivered by Aug. 20-22.  It was a DHL tracking #.

On the early AM of the 24th, I sent an email that I had not received these parts.  That night, I got an email saying that the “post office is experiencing some delays, would but we would greatly appreciate it if you’d be willing to wait a couple of more days.”   Wait?  What?  That set me off.  It was a DHL now a USPS shipment.  Like the old school Casa Bonita restaurants and a table that wanted some more chips or sopapilla–a RED flag went up.

DHL was the original delivery service.  Now, a USPS tracking #.  You tell me.  Should I be concerned?  So, I checked my card account.  Guess what?  I’ve already paid for this shit and it is past due on delivery.

I called Amazon.  Not the # on the emails….but that little company called Amazon.  First, poor bastard.  ( I got no other term).   I apologized and then explained how the world used to shop at wal-mart, then amazon, and I wanted him to keep his job.  Dude, here’s my problem.  What do I do?

His reply….file claim to refund money now or wait till monday to see if product ships.  I was polite.  I swear, pinky dog double swear.  It wasn’t his fault that he had a shitty job answering a call with me on the other line.  He thanked me.?!

Dude, I want the parts.  But, I wanted them when I ordered them.  So, we agreed that I needed to talk to product manager.

And her name was……..MARGE.    RUSM?!   No, it wasn’t.  I call BS.  I called her by name numerous times…..all with delayed response.  Like she had to remember who Marge was.  Lots of phone sounds and talking in the background.  I envision a notebook with a page that consists of “NON-adversial names” and MARGE was close to the top.

You can ask the Dragon Lady.  I was polite.  I explained how I didn’t want my money back if I got the product that I ordered….in a timely fashion.  AND….AND…that I didn’t like the emails about one provider being the delivery agent and NOW blaming a different group.  I feel cheated.  I do.  But it could be worse.

I am real sure that I have let these words loose from my lips before, “I would rather be kicked in the nuts than ever enter a wal-mart again.”   Well, many more episodes like this from amazon and I guess that I will take TWO kicks to the nuts and venture back into that side of the darkness.

In the end, if you are as big as amazon…don’t blame it on anybody.  Just fix and get on down the road.

And in the end, all I want is what I ordered and paid for.