My summer just seems to stay as screwed up as an upside down tackle box.  I have no one to blame, but it isn’t all my fault.  No matter.  The summer weather is proving that it is a pile of coat hangers kind of year.  RUKM?!   It is 70 degrees and wet & green, in July.  We WILL Gladly take it.  

     In a week or so, I am going to California.  A first for Duke and I.  Duke, Tammy and I are going to see Kela, which is the main attraction for us in California. I can’t wait.  Now, for those of you that kind of know me, most of you would think that I am motivated by a grand trophy, cashing a check, maybe a bud light or 8, or just a good time.  Well, you would be correct.  But, not entirely.  

      Seeing my kids do well tops all lists.  PERIOD.  I didn’t say win.  I said do well.  And yes, they can be one in the same.  I want to see Duke light up as he sees big sister in her now-natural habitat.  Mom will be way happy.  And all of the above will make me happy.  

      Other than the kid factor, and a Dragon Lady, what turns me ON?   Animals, zoos, tv shows about animals, books about animals, websites about….animals.  SInce before I could walk, talk, whatever, I have been addicted to animals.  What kind?  ALL!   I love zoos.  I love nature channels.  You want to keep me from going out?  Simple.  Show me a WILD AMERICA program with Marty Stouffer or a Mutual of Omaha wildlife show.  I’m glued till the end.  Even if I had seen that episode before.  

  Now, what is my problem?  Here it is.   We are going to end up at the San Diego Zoo.  The ZOO of ALL zoos.  To say the least, I’m kind of amped up.  I can’t sleep as I lile there thinking about the zoo.  I have read about, watched videos, etc about this zoo for almost 40 years.  It’s like a pilgramage.  Except more religous.  Jack Hannah, Letterman, Leno, Johnny Carson, Mr. Rogers,  I mean son-of-a-jeeminy holy, even Captain Kangaroo had guests from the San Diego Zoo.  It is going to be hard to meet my expecatations.  It’s like Joe Dirt and Silvertown.  Except, I’ve never seen this zoo.  But I’m going to.  ALL of it.  

       The real big problem that I am having.  It is KOALAIFORNIA Dreamin time at the San Diego Zoo.  That means Koalas.  I don’t want to eat one.  I just want to pet it.  Yes, I would rather pet a Koala in Australia, but the opportunity has yet to afford itself to me.  The problem is that there is no guarantee that I can pet one.  RUSM?!  (said with venom, viction and a severe desire)    The whole dang exhibit is titled KOALIFORNIA Dreamin.  There better be a Koala that needs its ears ruffled.  I don’t want to sound selfish, but if only one person of my entourage can pet one, than DNA doesn’t count for much as I’m taking this opportunity.  Kela already has this trophy.  Duke is young and Tammy can listen to me tell stories about it for the next 5 or 40 years.  

     I’ve been told that for $80 per person, I can be a part of feeding the pandas.  In my mind, pandas are a whole lot rarer than a koala.  Therefore, a koala should be easier to engage.  I shall pretend that I’m going goat shopping.  I will have a checkbook, credit card and some Benjamins.  Somebody, hopefully, will be willing to exchange dollars for a Koala petting.  It’s in San Diego.  According to Ron Burgundy, everybody is classy there.  I just want to be like Jay-Z and have 99 problems but a koala ain’t one.  

      Now, once the koala is petted, I don’t know what will happen if I see an open flame near a penguin sanctuary.  Now, that could be a problem.