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Things

     There are a lot of crappy movies out there that I enjoy watching.  None of them won academy awards, but they are still entertaining.  They all had that “thing” that makes you kind of like it.  

     Maybe, the worst one is “Tremors” with Kevin Bacon and Reba McEntire.  This movie is so bad that you have to watch to see what happens next while you are sitting there thinking “Hell, I could make this movie.”  Clint Eastwood’s “Every Which Way But Loose” probably tops this list as a great flick, with great characters and a great story plus there was an orangutan named Clyde.  I love that show and the sequel.  Burt Reynold’s “Smokey and the Bandit” flicks are big fun to watch.  Kevin Costner’s “Waterworld” and “The Postman” are both good watches, but not to die for.  Another movie that I like, but the acting is horrible, is “Gone in 60 Seconds”.  It has a cool plot, cool cars, a cool chick and a tie-in that everybody can relate to.  Everybody has an “Eleanor”.  That one thing that they can touch, but can’t have, shouldn’t have, the stars haven’t lined up kind of deal.  Well, it just hasn’t worked out.  If you haven’t seen the movie, “Eleanor” is a bad-ass Mustang car.  I’m sure that this crappy movie has made this model of car more valuable.  

     I’ve previously stated that I would like to eat a penguin, pet a koala and shoot a warthog.  I’ve never tried very hard to make these things happen.  Probably because I have had better things to attend to.  But, as I get older, I think about those “things” that you wanted and it just didn’t happen.  

Things I want to do, but haven’t:

–I’ve already listed three.

–To vote for a really good president and that candidate wins.

–To catch a peacock bass.  I know all I need to do is book a deal into Central/South America and I can catch one.  But, there is a good chance somebody down there might shoot me.  I know there are people here that would like to see me shot, but there are laws up here.  Not so much, there.   Point being, I would rather get shot by somebody I expect it from.  

–I’m not in a hurry for the role, but I think that I will be a pretty cool grandpa.  

–To buy a $100,000 goat that is profitable to ME.   Which means that I would have to generate a $120k to cover insurance, incidentals and actually make a profit.   And for all you smart asses that are thinking that you would like to sell me a $100k goat, better get to work on your breeding program and what you will part with because in order to make $100K work, semen sales are going to have to be possible.  

–Be able to kick back with the Dragon Lady after a college graduation, sometime in the next decade (hopefully) and say, “This deal worked out better than the first time.”  

What’s the old saying?, “You can wish in one hand and…”  I guess, we’ll have to see which hand fills up first.  

–To own that magical, mythical unicorn that I have seen but can’t seem to own.  Just a shot at it. To buy, to use, oh well.  

–Leave a legacy that you need to try hard, hope for luck, work harder and no matter what, make it fun–for others as well as yourself.  

–Find the next great food joint. 

–Make it a human law to practice random acts of kindness.  They used to teach it as the golden rule.  But, we got sour on one another and greedy.  So, now, we just need to do RAK because it gives us a fighting chance to feel good.  Especially, when elderly, disadvantaged, special needs and service people are involved. If we all would do this on a regular basis, the shitty weather might go away, just because of the positive acts by so many.  Can’t hurt to try.

     Everything I listed is real do-able.  But, I’ve been thinking.  I want to race camels with my friend Leroy Bookstore as the jockey on my magnificent looking beast of a camel and Mikey Thompson riding the other camel.  And Mikey’s camel is a real un-sightly, bad structured bastard that is unclean and unfit for humans.  Of course, I win.  

–I want to watch an arm wrestling contest between Allan Poe and Tommy Milligan.  And in a fair match, Milligan wins.  

     And in a really wierd world, Mustard wins a beauty pageant and there will be a concert south of Fargo, OK and Van Halen will be the warm up act before Gun ‘n Roses opens for George Strait followed by AC/DC who will play a few songs and then KISS will play the encore.  But then, Willie Nelson surprises everybody and finishes the evening and we all go home happy and for some reason, we all want a twinkie and a bag of doritos.    

     How’s this for a Friday night kind of, you have got to be $h!tt!ng me kind of deal?  The author just ain’t right about his head.  Actually, I can make most of these deals happen.  Well, except I don’t know if I can get Mikey to ride a crappy camel.  And maybe that Guns N Roses reunion.  

       All we need now is Animal from the muppets playing the drums and Thing getting whacked in the head with a beer bottle.  Most of you are going, “What?” and Thing is going “That sorry SOB!”.    

     Here’s to you and all those that try to help others.  I hope everybody has a day or two like dealing with puppies.  Nothing but smiles, cuddles, belly rubs, hugs, ear rubs and an occasional bad smell that you attribute to the puppy.  And remember, that we always over-look an occasional turd, skid mark and wet spot when dealing with puppies.  If you are dealing with friends, family,employees and/or customers, well, then you probably better treat them like puppies and realize that you will have a turd left behind the couch, a wet spot over there, and you don’t know why you have them, but you can’t let go just yet.    Some things are just worth dealing with.