I have been accused of being superstitious, somewhat sentimental and even a traditionalist.  I have “routines” as to where and when we eat at certain shows.  I may wear certain clothes/caps on proper days at a given show.  But the most traditional goat show that I attend is the State Fair of Ok.  

      1st tradition is that we always eat lunch at Earl’s on Friday.  Cheddar burger with curly fries.  

      One tradition of this show is that our Krue wins it.  We’ve managed to win 8 of the past 11.  But, NOT this year.  It happens and that is fine.  Our Krue showed some really nice goats, but they weren’t the right ones for this day.  They will be fine later on.  Congrats to those that won.

      The most important tradition of the State Fair of OK–dating back to 1993–is the judging of Miss Skank OK.  My first year teaching, I had a student begging to go to the Midway.  I said, “NO!”  He said, “We’ve got to find Miss Skank OK.”

     I made the mistake of asking what Miss Skank OK was?

1–At least one visible tattoo.

2–Either drinking a beer and/or smoking a cigarette.

3–Too much skin showing.

4–Bonus–missing a tooth or carrying a baby on her hip.

       I’m here to tell you that this year was harder than most.  Why?  On this fine State Fair Friday night, there were very few white trash chicks on the midway.  There were mostly latino and black ladies, and they dress up better for the fair better than most white chicks.  

     After a while of evaluating stock, we finally found an un-expected candidate.  She had a full mouth of teeth.  Was actually pretty attractive.  Hair was in good shape.  But she did have several visible tattoos across her cleavage.  When asked if those were the only tattoos, she replied, “No, there are more.”  And she spread her shirt wider open to expose more tats and more cleavage.  Upon doing so, she commented, “I would have more tats, but the pregnancy kept me from getting more done.”  

     I had to ask, “How did the pregnancy slow your tats down?”  Which she looked at me, scoffed and said, “The poison in the ink.  Duh?  Kind of like alcohol.  You don’t want it to get to your baby.”  

      Okay, I replied, as I quickly realized that we might be dealing with a skank.  I did notice that she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.  Or a tattooed ring.  

      But then, our winner was spotted.  She had a tattoo on her bare shoulder, was wearing shorts that were too tight for her weight, mid-riff over-exposed, drinking a Modelo AND taking a puff of her boyfriend’s cigarette.  And was rubbing a little much on her boyfriend, especially considering that they were in public.  The acid washed mini-skirt that fit her 5 years & 25 lbs ago did help secure the trophy.  We have a winner.