Do NOT read that title and try to decipher any part of it.\u00a0 I’m probably going to hell for numerous reasons but that one opens up a new express lane for me.\u00a0 But, yes.\u00a0 It happened and I was like WTFFFFF!?!?!\u00a0 \u00a0 If you have never met me, don’t text or call about this.\u00a0 But yes, our little corgi cross dogs really like new visitors.<\/p>\n
Once again, the things that happen in everyday life and I just happened to be present for it.\u00a0 This is going to get long warning.<\/p>\n
Here’s a story, about an online goat sale that I had a sale a couple of weeks ago.\u00a0 5 bucks.\u00a0 3 of them sold to 3 different deals in Cali.\u00a0 1 sold to North Carolina and 1 to Oklahoma.\u00a0 Guess which one is still here?\u00a0 Yep, the closest one.\u00a0 It’s all good.\u00a0 The buyer has been in contact and I told him it was fine.\u00a0 However, goats went to either coast and the one that goes 4 hours away…\u00a0 Still here.\u00a0 I love it…..so much……that I’m getting out.\u00a0 But, that’s not why.<\/p>\n
I shouldn’t write this either.\u00a0 Yet, here we go.<\/p>\n
A couple of months ago, I wrote about accidentally shooting my baby brother in the liver with a BB gun.\u00a0 I don’t normally tell family stories, however, I have a lot of them.\u00a0 My family, OUR family is extremely interesting.\u00a0 When you meld Tammy’s side with my side and our brothers\/in-laws, etc….well, we probably ought to make a movie about it all.\u00a0 I just wish that I knew somebody in Hollywood.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Granny<\/p>\n
My Dad’s mom was known by all in Shattuck as Granny.\u00a0 She wasn’t 5 foot tall, yet she was larger than life.\u00a0 HUGE personality.\u00a0 She passed about 15 years ago.\u00a0 I think of her often.\u00a0 I’m so happy that both of my kids have fond memories of her.\u00a0 As you read this stuff, remember that I have 2 reasons for this blog and your enjoyment is not one that I give a rat’s ass about.<\/p>\n
I was the oldest grandchild.\u00a0 Which did not work out in my favor at Christmas time, although I have the best memories.\u00a0 \u00a0The thoughts of her that stick out–<\/p>\n
1–You would walk into her house looking for her.\u00a0 Yell, “Granny” and she would call out from the back.\u00a0 Which meant, that there was a strong chance that she was sitting on the throne, door WIDE open,\u00a0 smoking a cigarette and working on a crossword puzzle.\u00a0 Things that you can’t unsee.<\/p>\n
2–In the spring and summer, Granny would be in the garden or flower beds working.\u00a0 She would get hot and take her shirt off.\u00a0 All 4′ 10″ of her, working in the garden, wearing a bra.\u00a0 A granny bra.\u00a0 While smoking.<\/p>\n
3–The last time that I saw her alive.\u00a0 She was hooked to an oxygen tube.\u00a0 Pumping pure O2 through her nostrils.\u00a0 Yet, she was sitting there, smoking a cigarette.\u00a0 I said, “Granny, really?”<\/p>\n
She grinned, shook her head and said, “Doesn’t matter at this point.”\u00a0 We talked, hugged and a day later…….Truly one of my favorite human beings.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Which brings me to this story.<\/p>\n
I have 2 brothers.\u00a0 I am the oldest.\u00a0 I took after the Schneider side.\u00a0 Short, kind of stocky and not as smart as I think that I might should be.\u00a0 Daniel–the youngest, kind of the same, yet some more of the Kelln stuff.\u00a0 The middle one, Jake—oh hell, Kelln through and through.\u00a0 6′ plus.\u00a0 Physically fit.\u00a0 Mid 40s and he can still play some ball.\u00a0 Blonde haired and blue eyed.\u00a0 Loud.\u00a0 Loud. Loud.\u00a0 You put the three of us side by side.\u00a0 NO DOUBT that we are all litter mates.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Back in the early 80s, Granny got all of the grandkids, except for me,\u00a0 blue fuzzy house shoes for Christmas.\u00a0 They had cookie monster fur on these shoes.\u00a0 Daniel was still in diapers.\u00a0 I was just the right age to be a human remote control.<\/p>\n
Dad–“Turn the channel.\u00a0 Turn it again.\u00a0 See if that Marty Stouffer Wild America is on OETA.\u00a0 Well crap.\u00a0 I don’t need to watch Lou Dobbs.\u00a0 Turn it back to the news.”<\/p>\n
As I was playing remote control, Jake came streaking though the living room.\u00a0 Buck-ass naked except for the blue fuzzy house shoes and the grape Hubba Bubba bubble gum that he was blowing bubbles out of his mouth.\u00a0 He stopped right in front of the tv, shook his moneymaker, blew a bubble, mooned us, then Dad yelled at him and then he ran.\u00a0 He did this twice.\u00a0 Then disappeared.\u00a0 \u00a0People, I was roughly 10 and Jake was 5.<\/p>\n
A bit later, he was screaming for help.\u00a0 Mom went to investigate.\u00a0 When she yelled for me to bring mineral oil and peanut butter, I knew that I needed to see what the heck.\u00a0 I looked through the doorway.\u00a0 Somehow, he had smeared that grape Hubba Bubba bubble gum all over his nut bag.\u00a0 I mean, he had sack stuck to either thigh.\u00a0 \u00a0He had that scrotum stretched so thin that it looked like a bat wing.\u00a0 How the?\u00a0 \u00a0Is that the?\u00a0 Hunh?\u00a0 \u00a0Dude, that’s a lot of purple bubble gum.<\/p>\n
Being the true Saint that our mother was and still is, she worked to rid him of the bubble gum that he smeared all over his nut bag.\u00a0 If it would have been my decision, I would have left him covered.<\/p>\n
And the rest of the story….there was a Q tip left in Daniel’s crib.\u00a0 Later that night, Daniel shoved that Q tip through his own ear drum.\u00a0 And for a couple of years, Big D had a bit of a speech impediment because he couldn’t hear out of that ear.\u00a0 All because of blue fuzzy house shoes and Hubba Bubba bubble gum.<\/p>\n
And to this day, Jake has a cool family and a loving wife.\u00a0 Yet, my visual image of that purple gum and nut sack……..well, she must really love him.<\/p>\n
HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!<\/p>\n
Mom & Dad.\u00a0 Please pray for me.\u00a0 I need all of the help that I can get.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Do NOT read that title and try to decipher any part of it.\u00a0 I’m probably going to hell for numerous reasons but that one opens up a new express lane for me.\u00a0 But, yes.\u00a0 It happened and I was like WTFFFFF!?!?!\u00a0 \u00a0 If you have never met me, don’t text […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4196"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4196"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4196\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4199,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4196\/revisions\/4199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}