Volbeat is a band that I enjoy cranking the volume up while listening to their tunes. \u00a0They have a song called “Heaven nor Hell”. \u00a0Good not great song. \u00a0But I like it. \u00a0Every time that I listen to it, I am forced to wonder\u2026.what would my hell be like?<\/p>\n
I truly feel that I know what hell would feel like for me. \u00a0It would be three fold.<\/p>\n
First level would consist of always being caught behind no-driving people that are in the fast lane, going slightly above or AT the speed limit and I can’t get around them. \u00a0I have condemned many a driver to hades as a result of their piss-poor driving habits. \u00a0MISERABLE!!! \u00a0 \u00a0GOOOOOOO!!!!!! \u00a0 Get out of my way and let me worry about a traffic ticket!<\/p>\n
The next two levels of my personal hell would consist of lawnmowers and\u2026.and\u2026..and\u2026.you guessed it\u2026\u2026..doe goats. \u00a0Most of you are aware of my hatred of doe goats. \u00a0Only some of you understand my hatred of lawnmowers.<\/p>\n
I hated mowing lawns when I was a child. \u00a0Hated it. \u00a0Still do. \u00a0I don’t enjoy pushing a mower, walking behind a mower, riding a mower, driving a mower\u2026\u2026none of it. \u00a0Can’t stand it. \u00a0And then\u2026\u2026I went to work for a company that sells an ass-load of lawn mowers–John Deere. \u00a0And that, my friends, \u00a0is when my hatred intensified. The margin on mowers is $h!t.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 There are basically 4 kinds of lawn mower buyers. \u00a0 1st—the type that wants the cheapest one that fits their budget. \u00a0It is all about a price point. \u00a0They want a sound piece of machinery for as cheap as they can get it. \u00a0Most of these will buy at a Lowe’s, Wally World, Atwoods or even an entry level Deere. \u00a0Money is the factor–not brand, service, quality or size–just $s. \u00a0You goat breeders know some buyers like that. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This type of buyer will spend HOURS on a Saturday morning, acting like they are looking at all models. \u00a0Then they will go to Wal-Mart and come back with a price to “jew”.<\/p>\n “I can buy a 42″ cut, 12 HP mower at Wal Mart for $1,239. \u00a0You going to beat that?”<\/p>\n My reply—“I will back off our price, the exact same $ amount that Wal Mart will back off of theirs.”<\/p>\n Them–“Well, Wal Mart ain’t going to jew down. \u00a0Their price is their price.”<\/p>\n Me–Exactly. \u00a0 Go waste their salesman’s time asking stupid questions that you can read in the brochure or on the internet.<\/p>\n Them–Wait. \u00a0What? \u00a0They don’t have salesman to answer questions.<\/p>\n Me–Hunh!<\/p>\n Ironically, I had a very successful sales rate dealing with this type of customer. \u00a0Keep it real!<\/p>\n This type is also the Saturday morning shopper that needs a lawn mower but has no money. \u00a0They will drink your coffee, take a brochure, come back again, ask more questions, waste some time, waste some more time, gripe about the cheapest mower that you have. \u00a0So, you point out that Atwoods has a cheaper mower. \u00a0But they don’t take the bait. \u00a0Then, they decide on what they want. \u00a0And here comes the big question–“Can you finance it?”<\/p>\n “Yes.”<\/p>\n “Well let’s just run my credit to see if it gets approved and then we’ll go from there.”<\/p>\n ALERTS, SIRENS, bells and whistles. \u00a0In all the years of doing that gig–not once did they get approved. \u00a0They knew their credit was crap when they asked. \u00a0Here’s the worst part. \u00a0I could run a $200,000 app for a tractor and it would take 15 minutes. \u00a0A lawn mower–an hour or more. \u00a0You tell them that they were denied, hunh, really? and they still ask for a free hat.<\/p>\n Then there is the professional mower. \u00a0Maybe they don’t do it for a living, but they have a large acreage and they know what they want. \u00a0They understand ZERO turn versus tractor style. \u00a0Welded deck, bagger, blower, warranty, engine manufacturer are all terms that they worry about. \u00a0They don’t want to over-spend but they dang sure want a helluva machine. \u00a0They will have prices from several top-end manufacturers. \u00a0As a salesman, you do what you can to move a machine (all without losing money). \u00a0This type makes you work as a salesman. \u00a0Here are the benefits–quality, name brand, parts and service will always be here, free hat, etc. \u00a0 One has to work to make this sale and there is almost ZERO profit. \u00a0Damn sure no commission.<\/span><\/p>\n Next, is the type that wants the biggest, baddest mower with plenty of features. \u00a0It may not be what they need, but it is what they want. \u00a0$s don’t matter. \u00a0 \u00a0Comfort is a concern. \u00a0This kind is normally buying for the wife. \u00a0This is the only kind of lawn mower buyer that is worth dealing with. \u00a0They might drop $15K on a mower. You will have to deliver it to them and show them how to operate every feature. \u00a0Not all bad. \u00a0But they expect perfection.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And then there is the regular tractor customer. \u00a0They really don’t want a lawnmower. \u00a0They would rather have a swather so that they can get done faster. \u00a0They want the best mower possible for the least amount with no haggle. So, I would just show them the computer screen, with our cost. \u00a0“Dude, here’s cost. \u00a0What will you give me above that?” \u00a0 This whole process would take less than 10 minutes.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Why sell mowers? \u00a0 As a service to your large ag customers. \u00a0Mowers draw the general public. \u00a0The parts and service sales are wicked good. \u00a0And John Deere mowers are bad ass!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The Dragon Lady likes to mow. \u00a0She has a John Deere 4wd, power-steering, diesel tractor style mower with a 5′ cutting swath. \u00a0It sits tall so she is out of the dust. \u00a0She loves it. \u00a0I don’t have to mow. \u00a0I love it. \u00a0I will always keep her in a great mower.<\/p>\n Now, the real question. \u00a0 Which is worse? \u00a0Selling lawn mowers or dealing with doe goats?<\/p>\n That depends. \u00a0I have made money selling goats. \u00a0Not lawn mowers. \u00a0Now, if I had a set salary, not dependent on commission while selling lawn mowers\u2026..<\/p>\n $2$—-If I had to choose between dealing with doe goats or stabbing myself in the eye with an ice pick\u2026.I’m headed to the store to buy two ice picks.<\/p>\n I don’t have many happy stories of doe goats. \u00a0However, I do have a great lawn mower selling story about a dude named Juan that needed a pair of X300 lawn mowers with a 38″ dick. \u00a0Do you mean Deck? \u00a0There was a bit of a language barrier.<\/p>\n I know. \u00a0I better just grab an ice pick and get ready to sell lawnmowers to low-rent time wasters \u00a0all while herding doe goats! \u00a0I shudder!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Volbeat is a band that I enjoy cranking the volume up while listening to their tunes. \u00a0They have a song called “Heaven nor Hell”. \u00a0Good not great song. \u00a0But I like it. \u00a0Every time that I listen to it, I am forced to wonder\u2026.what would my hell be like? I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3923"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3923"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3923\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3931,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3923\/revisions\/3931"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3923"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3923"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kellnlivestock.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3923"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}