Some days you just don’t want to think.  You want to wake up, do chores, drink an Eskimo Joe’s glass of orange juice and then sit on the throne for a bit.  That’s how a day should start.  Just thinking.  And then you think, that may have been the highlight of your day.  

    Tonight, while just driving and listening, a Night Ranger song came over the xm radio waves.  Night Ranger.  Seriously, how good was that band?  Bad ass….in my opinion which means that I’m right.  Sister Christian was WAY good in the 80s and has held up to the test of time.  The lyrics, the tunes and then the crescendo.  

      I don’t think that they are in the Rock hall of fame, but they should be.  Not the best ever but dang good for a number of years.  Of course, they had a hit called the Secret of my Success.  

       Most stock show people are always looking for secrets of success.  Some shady bastard needs to make a tube of paste called Secret of Success.   

        Here tonight and tonight only.  For this limited time, I will give you almost 4 of the 5 secrets to success in the stock show ring.   

1–First and foremost—Clean water.  Don’t make those critters drink water that you wouldn’t drink.  Seriously, if you can’t do this step, don’t bother having a show animal, or a pet or child.  Seriously!!  All of the chemical reactions required in a living being require clean, clear water REGARDLESS of the temperature outside.  Fresh water.  Most people can’t get past this first step.  

2–Manage comfort level–Not as important in cattle as in sheep/goats and dang sure a high level of importance with the swine projects.  Keep sheep/goats blanketed during cold spells.  Keep them warm and dry.  If they are cold, blanket them.  If you are wearing a hoodie while doing chores, they need a cover.  

3–Proper feeding.  It is not what you feed but how you feed it.  Feed high quality feedstuffs regardless of brand(s).  Manage feed intake to fit the animal.  Each animal is different.  Get feeding help from the breeder/jock from which you purchased the animal.  If they can’t provide proper instructions, BUY from a better source.  It’s that simple.  You get what you pay for.  If you are looking to change brands of feed every time that you go to a show, call me and I will sell you a rusty ice pick complete with instructions.  I would recommend a tetanus shot.   

4–Study genetics.  Don’t just study what Breeder/Jock is winning.  Don’t just study ads of winners.  Study the genetics behind the winners.  And then the proper feeding regiment will apply according to those genetics.  Talk to the breeder/jock that you are buying from.  If they don’t know, buy from somebody that does know.  Refer back to #3.  If they can’t help, buy from a better source.  However, you will not find a better source of rusty ice picks than right here.  Regardless of your age, these picks are built to pierce, puncture and hopefully stop the permeation of inferior genetics into the marketplace.  

5–I’m real sure that I said that I would give ALMOST 4 of the 5 secrets to success in the stock show ring.  And I gave you for sure, 4 secrets.  Buy from reputable sellers that give you help after the sale.  If they are dipshits, dicks or can’t help, find a different place to purchase your projects.  Ask questions before you write a check.  If you don’t, well, that would make you a dipshit, dick or pick a name.  Ask questions.  Explain your situation.  Ask questions.  State your goals.  Ask questions.  Have a game plan.  

Disclaimer:   If you are a low-rent tire-kicking POS that bought a leftover animal that was sired by a grandson of any said breeders animal from some 3rd party firm, or bought a sale barn trash leftover AND now want all the advice from the name brand breeder….go to the nearest corner and shove your own thumb up your own donkey.  If you don’t understand this step, keep repeating until something goes numb.  

     But tonight, and tonight only, for the lowly sum of $25 in cash money, I will give you that 5th and even the 6th secret to success in the showring.  

5 again–Make sure you have a badass showman.  If you aren’t sure, send $300 cash to my address and we will teach your showman to be really good.  And for $300 cash more, we will show them how to become elite.  (Seriously, a badass showman takes care of steps 1-4.)  And in all honesty, $600 would be dang cheap to develop a wicked showman.   Actually, that would be $625. 

And if steps 1-5 aren’t enough, contact this dude for any extra enhancements.  Call 666, zip code 91011 and ask for Bob Baffert.  He probably also has a residence in Texas.  I probably have that zip code as well.  He may or may not like Night Ranger but he has some Secrets of Success.  

       Looking back on this post, I don’t have any secrets of success.  Just some recipes that are tried and trued.  Passed (or Past) down from generation to generation.  I’m no sorcerer that deals in secrets.  But I am a bad ass cook that doesn’t normally even read a recipe card.  And things just work out.  Because all that we really want is to be able to Rock in America. 

      Don’t Tell Me You Love Me.  As a breeder, jock, ag teacher, whatever…..go show me.  Don’t tell me.  Just do it… properly.  Not for the money.  Just do it right.  

       When You Close Your Eyes and think about doing things right, it isn’t about a damn $.  I hope you make a pile but just remember what this livestock project deal was founded upon.  It was and IS about the next generation.  Not a damn $.  

       On any given night, given the chance, I can make a trip down Sentimental Street.  But tonight is not that night.  I’ve got too many extra rusty ice picks and there is a plethora of people out there, that need them.  

       As I re-read this, I am thinking……..1–I should be a promoter for Night Ranger.  2–I need to write a success book for stock showers (special ed version)  and 3–There has to be something, somewhere on the internet, that is better to read than this crap.  4–Nope.  If there was, you and I would be reading it.