Duke is currently at home.  Good.  Maybe I can get some work out of him.  While here, he fired up a movie on netflix.  Not a new movie but dang sure a good one.  Dances With Wolves.  I came in near the start and couldn’t hardly walk away from it.  Such a good flix.  I can still remember watching this in the $1 movie theater in Stillwater, OK….by myself.  I loved it.  My buddies were like, “Dude!  I’d have gone.”  Some female friends were like “Who did you go with?  What’s her name?  Why are you trying to hide?”  Seriously, I had a $1 and went and watched a badass movie.  That’s it.  

       After watching Dances With Wolves, I was taken back 3 decades and I still have the same thoughts.  Great movie!   And why in the hell did they use that bad legged Palomino?  Ten bears rode it in one scene, another younger tribal member rode it in another scene.  So much good horse-flesh in that movie and they feature that unsound equine creature.  

         Recently made a trip or 3 looking at stock.  A week or so ago, I ventured to Perry, OK to see a set of goats from IL.  Bid on several, bought one. 

     Then, made a venture into Texas.  Went to Tucker’s.  Not the 7T7 Tucker’s but Lynn & Kelly Tucker.  The home of Pickup Man and another pair of badass bucks.  CLEANEST goat place that I’ve ever been!  Seriously!  I shit you not.  There were very few goat turds in the pens.  And when the hired hand got done sweeping the pens…no turds!  I am not shitting you!   The pens were swept with a broom and dust pan then bagged.  I’m thinking about moving into one of their barns.  This crew is assembling some females to go with their bucks and the facilities.  It should be fun.  Great stop and I am looking forward to going back.  

       After that, we stopped by S&K Livestock.  Way more female goats than I was expecting.  I knew that they had several promotable bucks but I’ll be honest….I wasn’t expecting the badass doe herd.  Really nice set of mature females.  I love visiting with real livestock people.  And this crew is just working to make a $, help showmen and improve their herd.  I love it.  They aren’t spending a pile of cash to jump forward.  Just real people working, reinvesting profits back into their herd and constantly working to move forward.  Thoroughly enjoyed talking to Alex & Ben.  I like a stop that I can see good stock and I can learn a thing or two.  Although, I will be honest, when I asked Alex how Snake Farm got his name, after that, I was constantly looking for snakes.  Good stop. 

       The next weekend found me traveling to Brownwood, TX to pickup sheep and watch numerous sheep sales.  LOTS of sheep changing hands in the parking lots, online sale viewing and live sales.  We bought some nice sheep off the trailers.  They also had a cajun boil going on.  Clayton Washmon and I are ALWAYS down to eat some crustaceans.  Then I walked through the sale barns.  Wait?  Goats?   Reagan Thurman brought a bad female-dog of a doe kid.  No steal there as she brought $10K+.

      Now, it is at this point in the writing that I have a fork in the road.  Should I step away from the keyboard.  Probably, definitely yes but you all know me.  I do NOT care who I piss off.  From Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, I personally witnessed the BAD and the UGLY of selling livestock and I also witnessed the GOOD!  

      Friday afternoon, I watched a set of NAME brand wether goats being unloaded into their pens.  Oh hey, let’s take a look.  They set the wethers onto the bed of wood chips.  One of the goats didn’t act right.  He picked up his left hind foot and then his right hind foot.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  This little wether was in pain.  No doubt.  I’m sitting there looking at this goat, thinking to myself, “Why would these dumb bastards do this to a sale goat?”   As I’m sitting there thinking and looking, a couple of Yankee sheep breeders walk up, look and exclaim, “My GOD, somebody just got done popping the ass on that little goat!”  When the sheep people are calling you out, it ain’t right!  Pick three initials as to who the seller was.  You people can keep spending money with them.  I’m out.  I don’t care how blessed you are.  It’s bad and it’s ugly!  

       However on Sunday.  I had to pickup several ice chests of goat bologna for Tyke.  So, I met the Kester’s at Milligan’s piece of Perrydise.  They were photoing online sale goats.  The Irick’s were also there for Payton’s first online sale presentation.  Tommy & Hayden were working to get spot-on pics and videos of Payton’s goats.  Braden is the best ever at setting goats up for pics and he was on point.  Tom & Kerensa were coaching mom & daughter as to how to help and what to do.  There was a whole village there to help this young goat breeder get her goat offering presented properly.  THIS is how it is supposed to be done!  No deceit.  No needles.  No photoshopping.  No politics.  Just a crew of goat industry people helping a young kid with her projects.  These goats will be offered and sold.  There will probably be a bargain but there are several really good wethers and a cool doe kid.  

     Oh… By The Way… I will be bidding on a couple of Payton’s wethers.  They actually have a chance compared to those over-priced, counterfeit deals I saw south of the Red River.  

      Peace out!   And I hope that the buyer of that goat has a bucket of horseshoes and shamrocks.  They will need it.  

     It is banquet season.  Academic banquet, sports banquet, music banquet and of course, the FFA banquet.  Throw in an elementary awards assembly, a middle school awards assembly and a high school awards assembly.  People get sick of sitting through awards ceremonies.  Plus, graduation is looming next.  

      There are only a few things that attendees truly care about when attending a FFA banquet.

1–Did the officers know their parts and did the kids look sharp in official FFA dress?   Yes.

2–Was the meal good?  Yes.

3–How long did it take?  Tonight was 58 minutes from gavel to gavel.  New personal record.  

      The majority truly don’t care who wins which award.  They are interested but it isn’t a priority.    

     I’m not much of a banquet-type of person.  And the longer that I have taught, I have developed my own set of rules for the FFA banquet.  

Decorations–limited.  Waste of time and money.  In all honesty, only a few mothers care about the decorations.  

Awards–hit the high notes.  Not every kid needs an award or a certificate.  Get the big ones announced, make it worthwhile and give the others something to shoot for next year.  Never be afraid to give more than one of the same.  For example, if you have two bad-ass freshman, give two star greenhand awards.  Plaques are cheap. 

Slide shows/videos–Keep it under 5 minutes.  Upbeat, cool music (of course).  Let the kids make the video, let them play it and let the advisor advise (give guidance and approve the final product).  

Statistics–This is where most coaches screw up and make an athletic banquet drag on.  If you want stats, pull them up online.  Likewise, an ag teacher doesn’t need to talk about every win, community service project or high salesman.  If the chapter reporter has done their job throughout the year, the people already know who did what.  Hit the high notes.  

Time–One hour and 15 minutes.  That is how long a banquet needs to last.  That includes the meal.  Opening ceremonies, invocation, then send everybody through the meal line and as soon as the last person is seated, start the video.  People can eat while watching a video.  Once you start nearing an hour & 30 minutes, attendees start getting restless.   –No guest speaker.  They take up too much time, cost money and in the end, nobody really wanted another speaker.  Attendees are there to see the kids.  If you want to see a good guest speaker, go to State FFA Convention or fire up some youtube videos.      

Meal–high quality meat items, some sides, some bread and some desserts.   Tonight was smoked brisket, smoked bologna and smoked Blue & Gold sausage.  Some corn and beans for sides along with some rolls.  Then cookies and cupcakes.  Nobody cares about the sides, the bread or the desserts if you have top shelf meat.  We are carnivores.  

Practice–don’t just tell the kids to know their parts, practice until you know for sure that they know their parts.  

       For the Shattuck FFA banquet, I took care of cooking and preparing the meal.  Mrs. Abbey took care of making the plaques.  Laser etched wood that looked really cool.  This is a good arrangement, because if the roles were reversed and I was in charge of awards and Mrs. Abbey was in charge of the meal…..well, the kids would get a sticky note with some illegible scribbles on it and we would have eaten store-bought PB&J sandwiches.  By both ag teachers putting in a lot of effort, it saves the chapter a pile of cash.  As a side benefit, the kids like knowing that their teachers put in the effort.  

      I’m not saying that we have the best banquets ever.  Some communities WANT a big production…it is tradition.  That’s great.  But, I do enjoy parents coming up at the conclusion of another FFA banquet and saying, “I wish that you would teach the coaches how to do a banquet. ”  

Another FFA banquet in the books.  Have a good one.

       Some days you just don’t want to think.  You want to wake up, do chores, drink an Eskimo Joe’s glass of orange juice and then sit on the throne for a bit.  That’s how a day should start.  Just thinking.  And then you think, that may have been the highlight of your day.  

    Tonight, while just driving and listening, a Night Ranger song came over the xm radio waves.  Night Ranger.  Seriously, how good was that band?  Bad ass….in my opinion which means that I’m right.  Sister Christian was WAY good in the 80s and has held up to the test of time.  The lyrics, the tunes and then the crescendo.  

      I don’t think that they are in the Rock hall of fame, but they should be.  Not the best ever but dang good for a number of years.  Of course, they had a hit called the Secret of my Success.  

       Most stock show people are always looking for secrets of success.  Some shady bastard needs to make a tube of paste called Secret of Success.   

        Here tonight and tonight only.  For this limited time, I will give you almost 4 of the 5 secrets to success in the stock show ring.   

1–First and foremost—Clean water.  Don’t make those critters drink water that you wouldn’t drink.  Seriously, if you can’t do this step, don’t bother having a show animal, or a pet or child.  Seriously!!  All of the chemical reactions required in a living being require clean, clear water REGARDLESS of the temperature outside.  Fresh water.  Most people can’t get past this first step.  

2–Manage comfort level–Not as important in cattle as in sheep/goats and dang sure a high level of importance with the swine projects.  Keep sheep/goats blanketed during cold spells.  Keep them warm and dry.  If they are cold, blanket them.  If you are wearing a hoodie while doing chores, they need a cover.  

3–Proper feeding.  It is not what you feed but how you feed it.  Feed high quality feedstuffs regardless of brand(s).  Manage feed intake to fit the animal.  Each animal is different.  Get feeding help from the breeder/jock from which you purchased the animal.  If they can’t provide proper instructions, BUY from a better source.  It’s that simple.  You get what you pay for.  If you are looking to change brands of feed every time that you go to a show, call me and I will sell you a rusty ice pick complete with instructions.  I would recommend a tetanus shot.   

4–Study genetics.  Don’t just study what Breeder/Jock is winning.  Don’t just study ads of winners.  Study the genetics behind the winners.  And then the proper feeding regiment will apply according to those genetics.  Talk to the breeder/jock that you are buying from.  If they don’t know, buy from somebody that does know.  Refer back to #3.  If they can’t help, buy from a better source.  However, you will not find a better source of rusty ice picks than right here.  Regardless of your age, these picks are built to pierce, puncture and hopefully stop the permeation of inferior genetics into the marketplace.  

5–I’m real sure that I said that I would give ALMOST 4 of the 5 secrets to success in the stock show ring.  And I gave you for sure, 4 secrets.  Buy from reputable sellers that give you help after the sale.  If they are dipshits, dicks or can’t help, find a different place to purchase your projects.  Ask questions before you write a check.  If you don’t, well, that would make you a dipshit, dick or pick a name.  Ask questions.  Explain your situation.  Ask questions.  State your goals.  Ask questions.  Have a game plan.  

Disclaimer:   If you are a low-rent tire-kicking POS that bought a leftover animal that was sired by a grandson of any said breeders animal from some 3rd party firm, or bought a sale barn trash leftover AND now want all the advice from the name brand breeder….go to the nearest corner and shove your own thumb up your own donkey.  If you don’t understand this step, keep repeating until something goes numb.  

     But tonight, and tonight only, for the lowly sum of $25 in cash money, I will give you that 5th and even the 6th secret to success in the showring.  

5 again–Make sure you have a badass showman.  If you aren’t sure, send $300 cash to my address and we will teach your showman to be really good.  And for $300 cash more, we will show them how to become elite.  (Seriously, a badass showman takes care of steps 1-4.)  And in all honesty, $600 would be dang cheap to develop a wicked showman.   Actually, that would be $625. 

And if steps 1-5 aren’t enough, contact this dude for any extra enhancements.  Call 666, zip code 91011 and ask for Bob Baffert.  He probably also has a residence in Texas.  I probably have that zip code as well.  He may or may not like Night Ranger but he has some Secrets of Success.  

       Looking back on this post, I don’t have any secrets of success.  Just some recipes that are tried and trued.  Passed (or Past) down from generation to generation.  I’m no sorcerer that deals in secrets.  But I am a bad ass cook that doesn’t normally even read a recipe card.  And things just work out.  Because all that we really want is to be able to Rock in America. 

      Don’t Tell Me You Love Me.  As a breeder, jock, ag teacher, whatever…..go show me.  Don’t tell me.  Just do it… properly.  Not for the money.  Just do it right.  

       When You Close Your Eyes and think about doing things right, it isn’t about a damn $.  I hope you make a pile but just remember what this livestock project deal was founded upon.  It was and IS about the next generation.  Not a damn $.  

       On any given night, given the chance, I can make a trip down Sentimental Street.  But tonight is not that night.  I’ve got too many extra rusty ice picks and there is a plethora of people out there, that need them.  

       As I re-read this, I am thinking……..1–I should be a promoter for Night Ranger.  2–I need to write a success book for stock showers (special ed version)  and 3–There has to be something, somewhere on the internet, that is better to read than this crap.  4–Nope.  If there was, you and I would be reading it. 

      I’m not worth 2 squirts of owl shit on any given holiday but I’m pissed at myself for typing some crap about some cheaters and a horse.  That was the crap on my mind as I logged in.  No excuses.  Just wrong.  Now as I process the day, I missed the big stuff. 

      I got home from church this morning and walked into the back porch of our house and heard a man’s voice.  WTF?  I slid the sliding door open and walked in.  I know that voice.  What in the hell is he doing here… un-announced…what? 

        It wasn’t Duke but it was dang sure one of our kids.  Braden Schovanec had walked in like he was home.  As he should.      

         It is times like this that I realize how important a “team” or a “show family” actually can be.  If you do things right, you do develop a family….the value…..priceless.  Who gives a rat’s ass about the winning?   Well, yeah, you do.  

          Braden had told Duke that he would be in the area.  Duke told Braden to swing by and give Tammy a hug.  You do the math.  I listened as Braden and Tammy talked about the upcoming wedding.  I’m not good with weddings.  I’m real strong with wedding receptions.  

          Braden’s mom isn’t here to make us cookies.  And damn, that woman made some good cookies.  

       I don’t know how to type this but a huge Thanks to the “moms” like Tammy Kelln, Kerensa Kester and the rest of your kind.  They may not be yours but they truly are forevermore your kids.  

MOMS everywhere…..Thank You!!!!

      I have been to Churchill Downs and bet on the ponies.  I have yet to attend the Kentucky Derby, but I would so much like to be at that event.  I try to watch this horse race every year.  And I did so this year.  

     Like everyone else, I did enjoy the story that this horse only cost $1,000 as a yearling and then $35,000 as a two year old.  I made the comment, “Hell, I could get into the thoroughbred race horse business at those prices.  Cheaper than the goat industry.”  BUT, I also made the comments, “This was no accident.”  This cheap, little horse ended up with a trainer that has won 7, now 6 Kentucky Derby races.  The jockey has won 4, now 3.  Accident? Luck?  I think not.  At some point, somebody realized that this horse could win, well, with the right enhancements.  And let’s be real, cheating at horse racing is probably one of the oldest forms of cheating.  

      And now, the truth comes out.  

      It doesn’t matter what the event is……if there is a winner, a high score or a chance to advance one’s own kid or ego, ethics will come into play and then disappear like a fart in the wind.  ACT scores, umpires calling balls and strikes, stock shows…..anywhere that there is a chance to get ahead, somebody is looking for that advantage.  This isn’t a new thing.  Am I jaded?   Yes, for sure.   I have seen more than I should.  I can tell you that there are feed companies that have worked with “horse” trainers to develop products for stock show animals.  At OYE this year, I saw numerous “horse” additives sitting out in plain view.  I wish that I didn’t know what those additives are used for, but I do.  

      Jaded…yes.    Have I given up hope that the livestock show industry is a lost cause?    Not at all!  I just realize that there needs to be a correction in the marketplace. 

It all becomes about one’s perspective.  Cheating bastards!   

       Do I still want to go to the Kentucky Derby?  Yes, but I want to walk away with a good feeling.  Other than too many over-priced mint juleps.  Let’s be real.  I’m only good for one mint-julep.  After that….

      Boys & Girls……l have new stories.  I mean real good stories.  GOAT stories.  The kind of shit that you cannot make up.  But, none of it is as cool as the stuff that I’m getting ready to type.  Those goat stories will have to wait.  Let’s go!!!!

       On this Friday, we are traveling to Stillwater, OK for a graduation, or two, kind of.  What?  Well……….A couple of year’s ago I wrote a blog about a bad-ass niece that was Academic All-State AND all-state in softball, etc.  Basically, just a bad ass!   Those couple of years have actually added up to 7.   WHAT?????  SEVEN damn years.    And Mattie Atha is now graduating from Vet School from Oklahoma State University.  Yeah.  Undergrad in 3 years and then vet med school.  And yes, she is already employed.  And yes, thankfully, large animal.  And NO!   Don’t ask the next question.  She is getting married at the end of May to a cool kid.  Basically, she’s too cool for any of you.  How cool is that?  Way Cool!!!!

       You want cooler?   Seriously?   How do you get much cooler than that?   I’ll tell you how.  As cool as Mattie Atha is, her little sister might be even cooler.  Sarah Atha is ALSO graduating from college on this Friday.  Sarah is graduating from Oklahoma Panhandle State University with her BS degree.  Same damn day!  Goodwell, OK to Stillwater, OK is a bit of a drive to do both graduations at the same time.  No way!   

      Sarah took care of all of the travel dilemmas.  “I’m going to Stillwater to watch my big sis get her vet degree.  Have fun.  And then, when I get my NEXT degree, we will have fun.  My turn.”  How bad ass is that?  In my opinion, (which is all that matters) WAY BAD ASS!   

        Top it!  You can’t!  Wait, what?  I can.  For a story to come later…. these girls’ grandma just proved where the bad-ass genes come from.  “I’ve got two graduations and a wedding this month.   This will wait.”  TF!!!

      I’m just lucky that the Dragon Lady allowed me to be a part of this family.  Like every other family unit, it ain’t perfect.  However, the results are real close!  

       Regardless of species, no matter how cool the sire is, the dam is always way more important.  Todd, you know I’m right.  

       Here’s to great maternal genetics, regardless of species.   The value——priceless!!  

HAAAAAAA!!!!!   You people have NO idea how priceless!!  I got HER to proof-read this stuff.  Not write.  But proof-read.   First time ever!!  She actually sat at this keyboard and scrolled through it.  Smiled as she read and did not bitch about the music playing or how loud it is. (It was LOUD!!)   It took me retiring for a bit, and then writing about these bad-ass nieces (and bad-ass they are)  AND yeah!    Huge strides.  Maybe, just maybe, when I die at the age of 102, the Dragon Lady will post on here.  It will be something like,  “He’s dead.”   And my brother-in-law Todd will go “That took longer than we planned.”  And my favorite mother-in-law will go “Well, at least he got better with age and left us with a pair of grandkids that make us proud.”   I really want to type about some goat stuff but this was too much fun.  

       I get it.  I apologize for thinking that I could simply quit.  I can.  Some of you need this in order to have a proper morning bathroom session.  Some of you need this because you truly feel more intelligent than the author.  Some just like watching car wrecks.  Some are sending me pics of their kid with a Boba Fett helmet carved into their hair.  Wicked Cool!  And another wants me to do a grand finale…something kind of like Cheers but way better than the Friends finale (we can all agree…that one sucked!)

       Goat nuts.  There you go.  There’s a topic.  How come we don’t eat “goat” fries?  Calf fries are fun.  I have some fond memories of the Calf Fry in Stillwater, OK circa 1990ish.   Lamb fries are exquisite when ordered from the Cattleman’s in OKC or Pete’s Place in Krebs, OK.  But, goat fries?

      Goat nuts could be a delicacy.  Maycon could knife cut a wether AFTER it sells at Friday Night Fever and BEFORE it is grand at San Antonio, Houston, pick a major.  Think what those balls were worth intact and now you could eat a future grand for a grand.  Pfeiffer’s don’t sell many bucks.   They could leave the seeds in just a bit longer and THEN cut them (not band them).  And at a later date, these cats could sell these high $ cods (hell, they have to be tasty fries).  I would do something like this, but I lost my banders AND I don’t have many does left in order to raise something with nuts.  

      Rewind to 1990.  I took an introduction to meat science class at OK State.  Without a doubt, one of the most educational classes that I ever took.  Dr. Dolezal and his grading methods (1/4 point for spelling, etc.)  I was then talked into judging meats for the great cow college.  Judge meats?  I’ve done that every time I ate a steak.  Not quite the same.  I agreed and I did.  I could place, handle specs, quality grade and write reasons.  Even though, every set of reasons that I wrote started with a 48.  Minus 2 for penmanship.  I should have filed a complaint as I am incapable of even decent penmanship.  Little did I know that they were profiling mouthy German/Irish/Catholic meat judgers with crappy penmanship.  Bastards!  Didn’t matter as I could never yield grade beef carcasses to a tenth of a point.  Yield grade 1…sure.  Yield grade 4, you bet.  Yield grade 2.2…..I was always a couple of points out…..on EVERY carcass.  And those points dropped added up to me having a problem.  Still a great experience.  

           Anyhow……I started working at the OSU Meats Lab.  Without a doubt one of the best experiences of my life.  Such a crappy job that I truly enjoyed.  The summer of 1991 brought a meats science collaboration with OK State and the Kiki De La Garza goat institute at Langston University.  There were scientists from Kenya, Brazil, some Asian & Latin countries and of course, Oklahoma.  We butchered a bunch of goats.  Some of which were whole body ground.  Yep, a big ass hamburger grinder.  We cut the bones into small pieces, stripped the hide, and chunked the muscles.  Blood, guts, muscles, bones, hide,  EVERYTHING!!   Ground it up.  

       It was July….so hot and so very humid.  I was in the back room with the whole body grinder going.   Man, that thing could chew up bone, muscle, hide, EVERYTHING!   The auger took two of us to pull it out for cleaning.  It was awesome.  ROWR, ROWR, ROWR!! That thing was forevermore chewing those goat parts up and spitting them out.  ROWR, ROWR, ROWR!!  It was almost monotonous.  The ROWR, ROWR, ROWR kept going.  I watched the ground up stuff dump into the meat tubs.  Until, THOOMPFF!!   Something shot out of the grinder plate and stuck to the brick wall on the north side of the old meat lab.  WTH?   I walked over.  Looked at the part hanging from the brick wall and then laughed.  A goat nut!!  RUFKM?   How?  

        I peeled the nut from the wall and threw it back into the grinder.  ROWR, ROWR, ROWR, THOOMPFF!! RUSM?!?!  It shot the goat nut out again.  It didn’t phase that nut.  Somehow, it would compress, distort and then….THOOMPF!  So, I went and got a buddy.  “Hey dude.  Come here.  I think there is a  bearing going out in this grinder.  Stand here, right here and listen.”

      ROWR, ROWR, ROWR, THOOMPFF!!   HAAAA!! Right in the chest.  Right in the chest!!    Otie looked at me like WTF?  I shot him in the chest with a goat nut.  Otie is now Dr. Otis Rickman at the Mayo Clinic.  But I shot him with a goat nut.  Once he realized that he had been shot with a goat nut…..people, he was all in on this fun!

     And the fun continued.  We shot the meat lab manager, the research coordinator, a couple of Drs. from the ANSI offices, etc.    After 17 times through the grinder, we took a knife and split the tunic on that goat nut.  At that point, it ground up.  Just like everything else.  Damn!  Cheap entertainment.  

       So……really.  Why don’t we eat goat fries?   Technically, they should be the Greatest Of All Time fries…shouldn’t they?  G.O.A.T fries. Maybe, I need to open a restaurant.  

       Here’s you a retarded goat related story.  You are welcome.  

Probably.  

     and we near the end.  Of several things actually.  For starters, the end of the ag teacher post.  Very few people understand the diversity of this career.  During any given week, an ag teacher is a classroom teacher, FFA advisor, judging coach, speech writer/editor, plant expert, life coach, school/community repairman, welding instructor, multi-species livestock specialist/free veterinarian, travel agent, plumber, food critic, dress code monitor, electrician, community service specialist, bus driver, chef, trailer repair extraordinaire, green house manager, sales expert, fund raiser, chaffeur, livestock show coordinator, banker (while collecting no interest) and the list goes on.  Each community is different and there are so many good ones that excel for their school and community.  The good ones do all of the above while still, hopefully, taking care of stuff at home.

      I’m not one of the good ones, yet this week found me hosting a welder’s rodeo on Wednesday, a bovine reprod lab on Thursday during class, ran home to do chores and check stock, loaded a class of doe kids to take to NOC for a judging contest, ate Enrique’s Mexican in Ponca City, judged livestock on Friday morning, met Mrs. Abbey and swapped out kids and headed to Norman for state speech finals, then home Saturday morning by 3 am.  

       Now, anytime, once I am a couple of hours away, comes the standard phone call that only happens when I leave like this.  I cannot explain how the cows know that I am gone and push fence down to get to the neighbor’s wheat.  I do not know why goats get the shits when I am gone.  They were fine but then…..    Luckily, the Dragon Lady can take care of stuff.  She may not enjoy it but she gets it done.  

       This evening, I will meet up with a trailer to put Next Friday on it in order to head to the East Coast.  This will be the first time in right at two decades that there will NOT be a mature buck on our farm.  Sunday will have 3 different trailers coming to pick up the 4 donor does.  And then that’s it.  Just a pen of weaned goats, a couple of student’s nannies with babies and some yearlings that will go to other breeder’s homes.  Now, I have not said the words “I will never have goats again.”  I’ve said that I need a break.  For how long, I truly do not know.  Maybe it will be a permanent vacation.  This is what I do know about the goat industry.  I have learned this and would like to share this information with you goat enthusiasts.  If I ever want back in, all I will have to do is write a check.  That’s it, it is that damn simple.  

      Memories are about all that I have left of this goat deal.  But, our list makes for a nice bucket list in the goat world.

–Most importantly, we raised our kids through these animals.

–Won a lot of shows and made a LOT of premium sales.  Grands and reserve grands at Tulsa, OYE, Kansas City, Denver, Phoenix and numerous state fairs and district shows.  One of my fondest memories was kicking the shit out of the Texans at the Lone Star Elite when that was still a badass show.  

–Raised a pair of bronze medallion OYE wethers.  Numerous division winning does at OYE & Tulsa.  Put together numerous goats that were born at other places that used our genetics and our showmen and feeding advice that won shows all across this nation.  And we were just a small herd with quality, willingness to continue learning, high effort and want to combined with ethics.  We made several large breeders famous.  

–Own brand of feed.  Special K has been around for 10 years.  Didn’t make much money off of it but I saved an ass-load.  Hung big banners with goats eating it.  I can argue that I have been the best at feeding winning wethers without political manipulation or chemical/manual enhancements.  Thanks Mom & Dad. 

–Our own additives.  Once again, no $ but I got what I wanted.  

–Raised numerous $20K bucks.  Raised bucks that sired state fairs & major show banner goats.   

–Sales–First ever online goat sale.  Sold with the cool kids at Friday Night Fever.  Held several live sales–some of those Labor Day sales were legendary.  

–Helped numerous kids and their families.  

–Taught clinics and judged shows in several states.  I probably should have judged more shows when they were asking but I either had animals in that area or wouldn’t clear my calendar.  Oh well. 

–The BEST blog in the industry.  

–Most importantly, made a HUGE amount of friends over the past decade.  However, I pissed some others smooth off.  Eff ’em and feed ’em fishheads!  They weren’t truly friends.  But the rest of you, I love ya!  It’s been fun.  And any of you that read this crap know that FUN is, was and always will be a priority.  

     Speaking of a decade, on this day, TEN years ago on April 24, 2011, the very first Kelln Blog post was made.  And in true ties back to the roots of this deal, I can tell you that we need some rain and some damn sunshine.  These overcast days have not been good for growing grass or wheat.  And last night sucked driving home in a sideways effing wind and rain.  I hate the Oklahoma wind!  Oh…and I hate doe goats.  

     I tried to get the Dragon Lady to finish this deal up.  For some reason, she never would write on this blog.  Reminds of something else to which she always replies “NO!”  Since she wouldn’t write anything.  I’ll finish it up.  

      I’m writing this of a morning, so only orange juice for a beverage.  It’s a new computer, therefore no keys stuck with spilt honey.  Just doesn’t seem right on any account.  AM, beverage of choice and typing on a laptop.

      This is just from my perspective which means that I am right.  You crooked bastard parents/breeders/jocks and political ass-breathing judges better clean this game up.  People are watching.  More importantly, kids are watching.  A damn $ isn’t worth the damage that you sacks of monkey shit are doing to the game.  AND your president, his satanic cronies and all of their dumb-ass political ideologies can all kiss my donkey as well.  And another thing, DO NOT ever ANONYMOUSLY text sellers for more pics and videos!!!  You ass clowns need to put your name on stupid question texts/messages.  There is a special place in hell for you people that do that crap.  Oh, and there are a bunch of lazy, moronic ag teachers out there that give the profession a bad reputation.  And I cannot believe how many people actually read this crap.  All of that pretty well sums it up, I think.  No, as always, I’m right.  It does.   

     It’s now time for me to start my next career which will consist of making ice picks.  And as always, if you have a complaint or problem with me OR you just want to send me some funny or interesting stuff….the # is still 580-571-5029 and the zip code is 73840 if you feel froggy enough to bring it in person.  I’ll always have a bucket, ice chest or gator to sit on and dispense info and swap stories.

Guess what song is playing?

Yep, some old dude singing “My Way!”

Later tonight, I will raise one to all of you.  Cheers!  But most importantly THANK YOU!!!

Here’s to nothing but horseshoes & shamrocks for all of you.  I hope today is a good one and tomorrow is even better.  

Auf Wiedersehen!

     This one may get long.  If so, and you don’t like it…..go somewhere else on the endless internet and read something worthwhile.  

       Oh, you’re still here.  Well, let’s paint a happy little picture and have fun.  I headed to college at OSU to be an ag teacher–fall of 89 to May of 93.  It’s all I ever wanted to do.  Not the loftiest of goals but maybe the best.  OSU=FUN!   I graduated as an ag teacher.  I taught ag-ed for 15 years in Oklahoma.  3 years at Billings–I learned a lot and met good, good people.  9 years at Waynoka–learned even more.  I needed to move on but those were fun times that haven’t quit.  Those people fit with Tammy and I.  Maybe I need to write a book about my thoughts of Waynoka.  It is a unique community. 

      Then 3 years at Fairview.   We won a lot and there were so, so many good people.  The kids were awesome.  We moved there for Kela and it worked.  It just didn’t fit me and I didn’t fit them.   But, I am really proud of how many ties we still have there.  If you do enough right, the wrongs seem smaller. 

       Then a profitable break from teaching for 6 years pushing green paint.  Third or fourth best job that I ever had.  (Jack & Jill grocery store and Okie State meats lab will always be 1 & 2.)   It was so good.  Like a dream.  RUSM?  Driving brand new John Deere stuff.  But there were parts that just wasn’t me.  No harm.  And I can still sell stuff.  

        And now, I am finishing year 7 at Shattuck.  Obviously it is good or I wouldn’t have done year 2.  Oh, and if it wasn’t worthwhile, I would now be single.  So, basically, I have a very good perspective on the ag teaching career in the state of Oklahoma.  

         This is a hard-to-do-job when you have a strong work ethic and you know what you are doing.  It’s impossible if you don’t have the drive to do right.  You don’t have to know everything but you damn sure better be ready to try to learn everything.  If you are a lazy POS, well….you better start looking for an alternative career.  I’m not saying that an ag teacher is the hardest working person in a given school system, but a good ag teacher is always friends with that janitor, maintenance person, coach, etc. that burns a little hot as well.  

          This is an eff-ed up career that you cannot compare from state to state.  Hell, for that matter, you can’t compare from town to town or school to school.  What fits?  If it fits the person, fits the school, fits the community, well then..If it fits, it works.  I guess it’s time to name names.  These people are friends and I hope will still be friends with me. 

        How do you compare a Bobby Listen to say a Randy Pullan?  You don’t.  Bobby Listen won SO many pig shows and a pile of livestock judging contests.  I don’t remember seeing him at a speech contest, yet I’m sure he attended one.  Randy Pullan will beat your ass in any species of livestock showing, with a limited budget and has helped so many kids for so many years.  I would compare them as they were both bad-ass for their respective communities.  I would rank them as we would have gladly had either of our kids in their respective programs.  

         How do you compare a Travis Bradshaw to a Tom Lamle?   One’s old and the other acts old.  One is health conscious, the other….we are all good friends.  I’ve tried to get both to take jobs that I ended up doing.  Basically, they are both smarter than I am.  How do we rank them?  I would have gladly had either of our kids in their respective programs.  

       How about my buddy at Ponca City?  Kevin Frazier.  The general public does not grasp what he has built over the past ALMOST 50 years at PO HI.   Lots of state winning banners?  No.  However, wicked tough at the level that they see fit.  Oh snap!!  His program fits the school, fits the community and it all works.  I could not replicate what he has done.  How much Blue & Gold do they sell?   I can answer that.   More than the rest of us.  

      Now back to the Waynoka years.  I love Waynokans.  But lets examine the ag teacher situation in Woods County at that time.  Barclay Holt was at Freedom.  And he and his crew were trying to win EVERYTHING, yet they were like a little dog humping big dogs.  No chance.  Yet, never underestimate those little dogs as they tend to get stuff done.  Speaking, showing, judging, grass boards, etc.   They made grass boards so cool that Staats and I had to get our crap together and start building those boards.  I was a young, just a little bit confident kid at Waynoka.  Alva had Staats and Randy Nation.  Barclay and I could deal with Staats.  That damn Nation on the other hand.  Shit!!!

      Here’s what I learned about dealing with Nation in Woods County.  1–you better get ready to get beat at showing hogs, 2–get beat at livestock judging and 3– get beat at anything that he decides to compete.  AND you better have your ethics in check.  Because somebody was always watching.    When you have to deal with a Randy Nation on a regular basis, you either quit or get better.  I’ve tried to get better yet here we are.   Waiting on Lisa Nation to post another set of pictures of judging wins, premium sale pigs and Corgi dogs.   Wait.  What?  Corgis are cool as hell.  I doubt that my presence in any competition changed his demeanor.  

      I love talking to other ag teachers like C.L. McGill, Billy Scott, John Lastly, Vince McGolden, Ryan Burns, Mark Sneary, Chip Laubach, Jay Muret, Devin Delozier and Tim Harland.   Sure, some of them are old.  Some are older than me.  Here’s what I love about them.  They truly have a passion for the job.  Every conversation that I have with them…….I have these three thoughts.  One–They do a better job than I do.   Two–they are letting me hang with them.  If I’m quiet and keep my mouth shut…. (basically, don’t be a Kelln)    And three—after listening a bit, I think—-I’ve got kids that will work to beat their ass!  

         Not exactly sure of the year, even though I do know where the notebook is.  Hadn’t opened it since.  We were at a summer conference (aka normally a waste of tax payer $s).  circa 2002 or 03 or IDK pick a year.    The day started with a round table discussion and we were supposed to rotate from table to table.  The first, only and LAST round table that I was at consisted of my dumb ass, Randy Henderson, Jona Kay Squires, Dale Dewitt and Dennis Delozier.  I do not know if anybody else learned anything at that table, yet we stayed together as a group that day.  Young listening to old.  Female to male perspective.  Story after story. Topic after topic.  Of all the secrets in my little black book… I learned what I already knew that day. One of the best days of my life.  Defining.  I’ll gladly talk about it with you but I just might shed a tear.  I’m not even sure what it meant to the others.  Do not care.  But dudes, that was the moment that I realized that the rug tied the room together.  It was that cool and that simple.  And now, we don’t have the space to describe this rug.  Although, let’s end this.  

        Best OK ag teacher ever?  That’s the question.  I could go old school.  I could go new school.  I could tell you stories of how hard it was to deal with the Kurt Murray days in Burlington.  The various regimes at Kingfisher or Elgin.  There were some Newcastle and Fairview deals that were dominant.  Adair has been dang hard to get around for a couple of generations.  

        One name.  Team AgEd is on the clock…..Don’t care what school you put this dude in (SE, NW, whatever) , he will have success.  The best ag teacher (teacher) that I have ever seen.  Showing, speaking, proficiencies, community, shop projects, whatever…..trust me, it’s a real neat deal.  If you give me Mike Robison and you take the field… I’ll win.  Best all around ag-ed teacher that I have ever seen.  You can disagree but the bad asses in the field are going, I like that pick.

        I probably ought to be a GM for some billion dollar sports team.  If I was, I would trade down to the ?26th? pick and then select…….cue the music.  The point is, it’s not necessarily what an ag teacher wins or loses, it is what they bring for the kids in their community.  Ag teaching is such a diverse career and each community has different wants, needs and desires.