Read the Big Pitchman deal first.  It has nothing to do with this post.  

This is the 4th of July post….even though it is not yet the 4th of July.  We have a wedding to attend and then A  Litzenberger Lake event.  I’m going to be busy this weekend.  Something and/or somebody will get lit.

      I’m going to preface this story with NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED!!!!

      I’ll be honest, this isn’t even a true story. 

       I’m not sure if the year was 2016 or 2017.  Either way, it was several years back.  It was on the 4th of July.  A goat crew came to Fargo unexpectedly.  Not to look at goats, but just to get away and have fun.  And fun we had.  The kids headed out on the gator to go pop fireworks.  The adults, well, we cracked a few open.  As the day grew later, we needed pizza.  The Dragon Lady headed to Shattuck to get a pile of pizzas.  The kids pulled in to the drive with the gator.  I took it and started doing chores.  I left Duke and several other kids under the watchful eyes of an adult or two.  

        I fed goats, calves, filled water tanks and pulled back into the driveway.  WTF are you all doing?   RUFSM?   They had taped 4 Roman candles to one of the Dragon Lady’s Rhode Island Red hens.  NOOOOO!!!!!     HAAA!!!  And they lit the fuses and let the chicken loose.  Oh my!!!  As the chicken took off running, the first candle fired, then the next, then the next.  The candles repeatedly fired like a Gatlin gun out of time.  Yet, every time a candle fired, that chicken caught another gear.  I have never seen a chicken run that fast.  It headed East then rounded the corner by the garage.  Then took another right and headed West towards……OHHHHHH    NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!    The propane tank!    As that piece of poultry hauled ass, thighs and legs towards that tank, I held my breath….as……that…….last ball……of fire……shot out of that last candle just before it got to the tank.  I yelled, “Catch that bird and get rid of the evidence!  The Dragon Lady will be pissed if she finds out.” 

        Ten minutes later, she showed up with a bunch of pizzas.  She suspected nothing.  

      The next day, Tammy gathered eggs.  She came walking towards me with her egg basket.  “Look at this.  I have never seen an egg shaped like this.  This is weird.”    

      “Wow.  That is odd.” I replied. 

And I have never before nor since seen an egg shaped like that.  I ducked my head and walked away thinking……

Dudes, I was thinking, “I bet I know which hen laid THAT egg.”     

       This might be the greatest made up story of all time.  It did not happen.  This is just a tribute to a story.  If only somebody could video such an event.  

Happy Independence Day!!!   Remember why we celebrate this day.  It ain’t for shooting bottle rockets or Roman candles.  We are free because others sacrificed for us so that we could be free to raise goats, eat beef, shear sheep, smoke pig and watch chickens.  You don’t have to like our government, (I don’t) but we are the U S of A!   

And remember, you don’t have to, nor need to post your stupid 4th of July antics on social media.  Well, unless they are really good.  Be safe and stay free.