We aren’t far from Saturday morning as we hit the keyboard.  I don’t have a great story for you all tonight, but let’s see what tomorrow brings.  

     I did watch the opening ceremonies tonight.  One can never under-estimate the power of Russia.  That country is so big, so diverse and so scary at anything it wants to do, that we shouldn’t forget about them.  

     I know that there are all kinds of stories about Sochi and their failings to be ready for the Olympics, but watch, Sochi will come out of this deal very well in the long run.  Some people just get stuff done.  Google “most powerful person” .  Forbes lists Putin as #1.  Yes, that is Forbes Magazine, lists Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the WORLD.  Your president is down to #2 (I find that appropriate as I have always thought of him & his regime as a #2 kind of deal).  The new Pope debuted at #4.  Give Pope Francis time, and he will be #1.  And we need to remember, that none of us can EVER be #1.  There is a higher power.  

      I’m the fattest that I have ever been.  I have weighed around 188 for the past 20 + years.  Since, Thanksgiving I have blossomed to about 195 to 197.  I don’t have to hold my breath to button my jeans, but they are nearing maximum capacity.  

     What has caused this?  My regular diet was not a healthful one before nor since.  My habits have not gotten any worse, maybe even better.  I didn’t have a regular exercise program before and I still don’t.  Either age is catching up to me or maybe, it’s like all of these low T commercials on the radio.  I don’t think so.  

     The only thing that has changed in that time period is that I quit having a morning Mt. Dew–20 ounce on ice.  For over 2 months, no Mt. Dew.  It took a few days before I quit having to fight the urge.  I just didn’t go to the usual quick stops on my morning drive in order to fight the urge.  This past week, I drank a Dew and it didn’t taste like it used to.  

      Now, I’m wondering if the caffeine addiction kept my metabolism revved up.  

     Speaking of diets.  Monday night, the Dragon Lady wasn’t going to cook.  So, I took care of myself.  I made one of my favorite Usinger’s 1/4# steak dogs, with chili, pickles, cheese, mustard and tobasco.  It was GOOD!  About an hour later, I decided I needed something to top the evening off, so I got me a Schwan’s ice cream sandwich out of the freezer.  I let it sit until it got soft–this accentuates the flavor.  I ate it with Duke looking at my like “What are you doing?”  

     I have a well documented lactose intolerance problem.  So whenever, somebody sees me with ice cream, milk or large quantities of cheese, those that know me realize that there is going to be a problem.  Ask Staats.  It doesn’t bother me as bad as it used to as long as I space things out and don’t eat dairy products on an empty stomach.  Well, this ice cream sandwich did NOT go into an empty stomach.  This lactose loaded fuse went right on top of that 1/4# dog, chili, cheese, pickles, tobasco and mustard.  Twenty minutes later, Duke was mad at me and complaining to his mom.  I went to bed and well, I got the whole room to myself that night.  

     The goats all have hay, shelter and have all had a good drink.  They are living better than a lot of people during this winter spell that we are having.  

     If you have never tried any of Usinger’s lunch meats, sausages and CAB dogs, then you are missing out.  Have a good evening and a better tomorrow.  

     There are a lot of questions surrounding online auctions.  I’ve been selling goats in online auctions as long as anybody.  Kela and Milligan partnered to do the first online goat auction in OK several years ago.  For a breeder that doesn’t have large #s, an online auction is an excellent place to market goats.  For a breeder that has LOTS of goats, it is an excellent way to attract new buyers, while still having regular live auctions.  

Here are the most important questions that I have been asked over the past, well, we are getting close to a decade of selling online.  

1.–Are these sales for real?  YES!  I would say more so real than in a live auction.  I’m sure that some deals weren’t real, but for the most part, they are the real deal.  Several large breeders used to question me.  “For real?”  YES!  Now, they have more online sales than anybody.  Why?  They work.  

2.–Do you really attract new customers?  Yes.  I’ve never had a buyer from West Viriginia, Maryland or Oregon.  But I have had people bid online from those states.  I’ve had people buy online that lived less than 30 miles from me that I had never met, never been to my place, never called, never bought a goat from me anywhere.  But they bought it online.  One year, I had an Oklahoma family buy two wethers from me sight unseen online.  They hadn’t called, sent anybody to look, nothing.  How did that turn out?  One wether was a reserve division at Tulsa, the other was a class winner at Tulsa.  You never know.  

3.–What is the most important part of selling online?  Honesty.  When somebody calls, tell them the truth.  Don’t try to hide anything.  You don’t want a buyer to show up to get their purchase and go “Is that it? It looked better in the picture.”  You want to hear, “Hell, that one is way better than I expected.”  The animal is only as good as the person selling it.  

4. –Which is more important–the picture or the write up?  For me, the write up.  I like it when sellers text me & say this is the one I need, therefore I like a write up that tells me why I need it.  The good ones are going to find a good home no matter what the picture looks like (or in the absence of a picture, whichever the case may be).  An honest write up that is fun to read works.  However, a picture/video is worth a thousand words.  Or more.  If you get that money shot, it will drag some action.  

5.  Which is easier? a live sale or online sale– They are both work.  Pictures/Videos of a live animal take planning, time and patience.  

6.–What is the worst thing about an online sale?  The fact that it will be a week or two before all of the animals sold will be picked up and off your feed bill.  

7.–Best thing about an online sale?  The auction company takes care of money collections.  

8.  Are online auctions good for anybody?  NO!  You have to have realistic expectations.  If you’ve never sold a $1,000 wether before, don’t expect to do it in your first online auction.  It takes time and effort.  A smaller herd with quality will get along well in an online auction.  A large herd will do well selling an “appetizer plate” before a live auction.  Breeding stock seems to always sell well online. You have to promote the sale to your regular customers as well as to potential customers.  As with anything successful, these things take work and effort.  

9–Will online auctions replace a live auction? NO  There is something about the thrill of a live auction that cannot be duplicated.  There will almost always be a place for a live auction.  Online auctions work, but so does a live sale.

10.-What about a buyer’s premium?  I understand the principle of a buyer’s premium, but personally, I’m out on the deal.  Buying–I hate it.  Selling–okay, whatever.  

These are just personal opinions.  I understand how to do a killer good online sale, although I normally don’t as that would take time and management.  On the other hand, I buy a LOT of stuff in online auctions.  As a buyer/customer I can dang sure tell you what I don’t like about online auctions.

     Over the years, I have bought or bid on animals in online auctions on breedersworld.com, wlivestock.com, oklahomashowgoats.com, showpig.com, oklahomashowpigs.com, pigplanet.com, anguslive.com and others that I don’t remember.  I’ve also sold/bought/bid on equipment on auctiontime.com, purplewave.com and bigiron.com.  Let’s just say that I have dealt with numerous online auction sites.  Oh, yeah.  I’ve bought on eBay also.  

     Most of the time, I was using my buyer #, some of the times I was buying for somebody else.  Most of these sites are consistent in the way the auctions are presented, the way they bid, the way they close the sale and collect.  They differ in customer service, advertising and whether they have a buyer’s premium or commission.  

    The buyer’s premium does NOT fit my mental state during an auction.  I don’t like it of a morning trying to buy a $200,000 tractor while worrying about the buyer’s premium.  I dang sure don’t like it at 8 pm trying to buy a pig or calf online with a couple of cold ones and trying to factor in the buyer’s premium.  To me, it takes the thrill of an auction out of the game.  If I’m having to try to bid to my max or beyond and then I have to factor in how much more it will actually cost me–well, it just makes the auction kind of, hhmm, limp.  If you lose the edge of an auction, then you didn’t maximize dollars.  As a seller, I leave enough money on the table due to my personality and lack of management.  I don’t need to lose anymore because somebody is trying to run a calculator before they bid.  

     What I don’t like about some of these auction sites?  One–How good is the online auction company if the breeder has to contact me to tell me that there is a sale taking place?  If things are done right, I should see it advertised, texted, emailed to me and then I call the breeder and say “Hey, what do they look like?”  Not the other way around.  If all they are doing is “hosting” the sale, then they aren’t earning their commission.  

      Is the website that hosts the auction a go-to site for industry news, bs, shows, info, etc.?  If all the website is good for is hosting sales, there won’t be much extra traffic.  For instance, I would be a dumb donkey to host a sheep auction on kellnlivestock.com.  Why?  I don’t cater to, try to gather or have much to do with the sheep industry.  So why host a sheep sale?  I don’t.  Now, a goat sale or dispensing BS, I can do it and do it well.  

      Is the auction company willing to help with pics/videos, descriptions, etc.?  How can you sell something, if you haven’t seen what it is that you are selling?  When people call me about my online animals and they can’t look for themselves, I will give them a name like Poe, Thompson or Milligan that has seen them.  Those cats will give an un-biased opinion of the animals.  I have sent pics to an online auction site and have them say, “These aren’t good enough.”  So, I re-take pics.  I want them to be honest and upfront.  I’ve had online auction companies come and take the pictures–equipment and goats–for a price.  It is good for both parties.  My point, is the online auciton company just trying to cash a commission check or are they actually trying to help you sell your product for the most money possible?  There is a difference.

     I’ve had several online auction companies call and ask me to have a sale with them.  Of course, I like being called.  And I am always open to new options.  But, I don’t like the answers to the questions.  Are you going to come look at the animals?  How much commission?  Who proof-reads and loads the pics?  Who answers the phone during the auction when there is a problem?  I’m sure that I can seem like a PITA, but I know what I want, what I need and what I can get.  

     I’m not trying to bash anybody or anything, but I have tried to look at animals on the drive deal and that auction platform gives me a stigmatism trying to look at all that crap, so I quit looking and have never bid or bought on that site.  I’m sure there has been some animals sold on there that I needed, but my ADD kicked in trying to sort that crap out and like the turkey on “Christmas Vacation”….I was done…pufft.  I respect anybody trying to be different or set new trends, but get on the business end of it and see what it looks like.  My right eye only kind-of works and then you throw that kind of crap at me.  Sorry.  Can’t do it.  

     As a buyer, I spend less when dealing with a buyer’s premium.  I spend less when using somebody else’s buyer #.  I spend less when spending somebody else’s money.  I spend less when I only have 2 days or less to see pics, think about it, make calls, etc.  I am NOT afraid to use the max bid feature; especially if there are several sales going on at the same time.  On the contrary, I spend more when the pic matches the genetics and the description.  I spend more when I have a day or two to decide if I’m going to do something stupid or not.  I spend more when the seller assures me that I will like it.  I spend more online if I am prepared to get stupid, have time to get stupid and then a contending bidder forces me to get retarded.  As a buyer, I want to get my purchase, see the breeder the next time and say, “The only thing wrong with that deal is that I need 10 more just like it.”  That is good for both buyer and seller.  

     Basically, I spend more when I feel comfortable with the product being sold and the price is right in front of me.  I also sell animals for more dollars when I have proper pics, a good write up and the crap to back it all up.  

      Online auctions are here.  They are going to get bigger.  An operator just needs to figure out how an online auction fits their program.  Then shop around.  Ask questions.  Do the prep work and like Nike says, “Just Do It”.  It will work.  

    Life is wonderful here at the Kelln Kompound.  We had over 8″ of a wet snow with NO wind today.  Finally, a chance for some moisture.  Of course, the cold sits in and the wind machine fires back up the rest of the week.  I hate how does can destroy fence.  Recently had a flush baby committ goat-icide (It’s always something new).  But, then I get an email from my beloved daughter.  

     The email was a link to the Rolling Stones magazine top 50 SNL skits of all time.  First, I read Rolling Stones every time that I am in an airport.  I always like the cover and the stories that they tout.  So, I buy an issue, read part of it, then I am upset with myself for wasting $4.99 Us $5.99 Canada (maybe I have that price ass-backwards).  They lure me in, then I don’t even remotely agree or am amazed at how poor of journalists that they use to write their stories.  Once again, I was lured in, but I somewhat agree with their list. Kind of.

       SNL.  Saturday Night Live.  I loved watching it when I was a kid.  I really loved it in the mid 90s.  It still has its moments and will have more in the future.  It runs in cycles.  Think of the people that have made their name on SNL.  Murray, Akryod, Meyers, Belushi, Martin, Murphy, Crystal, Hammond, Fallon, Spade, Hartman, Sandler, Ferrel, Farley, Chase, Radner, Curtin, Fey, Poehler, Rudoph and Shannon.  Put the first names with those last names and then laugh as you think of their characters.  Mary Catherine Gallagher, Mr. Robinson, Gumby, Two Wild And Crazy Guys, the Church Lady, Buh-wheat, etc. How about Dennis Miller or Norm MacDonald doing the newsdesk reports?  Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.  The political satire is second to none.  

     Think of the guest stars with Alec Baldwin’s “Schweddy Balls” recipe, George Wendt and the crew doing “Da Bulls and Da Bears”.  Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. The show has held up to the test of time.  True genius.  

     My problems with the list.  Where to begin?  Top 50 and NOWHERE in the top 50 is John Belushi as the samurai.  There are at least 5 episodes worthy of top 50.  Not a one.  Eddie Murphy as Gumby.  Come on!  Mary Catherine Gallagher–superstar!  Not a mention.  They used the wrong Will Ferrell as Alec Trebek doing celebrity Jeopardy.  The one with Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds (Turd Ferguson) and Frenchie Stewart is an all-time classic.  John Goodman as Linda Tripp and Molly Shannon as Monica Lewinsky was classic.  Not a mention.  Dana Carvey doing Ross Perot.  Nothing.

      The Dan Akroyd “Bass-o-matic” skit should have been higher.  TIna Fey as Sarah Palin with Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton needs to be in the top 10.   Eddie Murphy doing Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood X-mass special made the list.  “I’d like to be your neighbor.”  Go back and watch Eddie Murphy skits on SNL.  That dude was killer funny.  Then made great movies.  Then, well that is a different topic.  

     My real problems with the list–the Assassination of Buh-wheat–has got to be in the top 10.  Joe Piscopo as Ted Koppel and Eddie Murphy as Buh-wheat.  It patterned a live news feed to a T.  Right up until you realize that it was Buh-wheat that got shot.  

     Huge Problem–Eddie Murphy as Stevie Wonder and Joe Piscopo as Frank Sinatra singing “Ebony and Ivory”.  Classic.  NOT on the list.  How did they get away with the racial & handicap tones that they sang all over?  I mean,  “I am dark and you are light.”  “You are blind as a bat and I have sight.”  Both portrayed their character convincingly and it was funny.  Top 10–NOOOO! These clowns didn’t even list it.  Google this one and watch it.  Still Funny. 

     Next Problem–Will Ferrell playing the cow bell is listed at #9.  Too low.  Google the word “cowbell”.  Search results #2, 4 & 5 mention this skit and the need “for more cowbell”.  Christopher Walken was killer in his role as the music producer legend in this skit.  Ferrell was so good that his co-workers couldn’t keep a straight face.  Downloads of the actual song “(Don’t fear) The Reaper” by the Blue Oyster Cult spiked as a result of this skit.  This skit belongs in the top 3.  “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more cow bell.”  Classic.

     Buh-wheat sings the hits.  “Wookin pa nub”, “Unce, Tice, Fee Times a Mady” and my favorite “????”.  For sure top 10.  

     I don’t have a huge problem with the #1 SNL skit according to Rolling Stone.  It has Chris Farley as Matt Foley–motivational speaker.  I love this one.  “I live in a van, down by the river.”  I really, really like this one.  David Spade loses composure during this skit.  I think it is top 5 all-time.  But I don’t think that it is Farley’s best.  

      My personal favorite and, therefore the best one would be Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley as the final two in a Chippendale’s dancer try out.   Part of it is sight gag–I mean, Swayze with the body of a Greek god and actually a trained dancer and Farley with a body–mass, in– spandex.  The part is well written–RUSM?  Even the judges act likes it’s a close decision.  And the fact that Farley can actually bring it with his dance moves.  It’s better than a fart joke.  I will laugh every time I see it.  I laugh just thinking about it.  

      I consider myself an expert on this topic.  When I’m a little upset with does or just had a crappy doe, I mean day,  or just want to watch something without thinking about it, and I’m not in the mood to read about politics, economy, John Deere, FFA, etc….well, then I have been known to watch on VCR or DVD, the greatest SNL skits of Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Chris Farley, etc.  I love Bill Murray, Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd skits and movies.  They came close to replacing the late, great John Belushi with Chris Farley, but, whut-oh, same result.  

     I don’t have a very long bucket list, but drinking beer(S) with Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell would be on that bucket list.  Notice the S is capitalized, as in plural, in parantheses which according to algebra means multiple.  Maybe, my daughter in LA can work on that.  And I need to bring friends, because once they meet my friends, they will have a HOST of NEW characters to deal with.  Think about it.  Sandler, Ferrell, Kelln, Milligan, Big I, Big Bill, a goat, Tyke, Leroy Bookstore, another goat, Mikey, Poe, a van, Schoovy and maybe a talking goat and with proper product ad placement dollars spent well, some other goat related people.  I’m only 42 now, so according to my genetic calculations, Kela has 57 years to get this wish done.  

      Here’s to my favorite daughter for sending me an e-mail that caused me to waste several hours of my life watching this list, realizing that this magazine should have contacted me for the right list.  My recommendation to all–Watch these skits, get in a good mood and be happy.   It works for me.  

      This continues to amaze me.  How a mature doe can fit through a creep gate that is too small a hole for some of the kids to fit through.  I’ve got this female dog of a doe that I cannot keep out of the creep area.  She doesn’t eat the feed.  She just wants to lay with the kids and crap a pile and piss all over the wood chips.  If she would do her business outside, I would probably forgive her transgressions.  But NOOO!!

     I have continually closed the gate down in height and width.  I have a couple of kids that can’t go through the gate, but this c%@# still can find a way through it.  She is not a skinny little doe.  She and I have had several discussions and all that I have accomplished is that the second she hears me at the door, she goes to pouring herself through the door.  It is quite the contortionist act.  

     Worse, she is raising twin doe kids.  NO buck kids or wethers.  And her kids are the least bloomy of the entire pen.  Therefore, she hasn’t earned the right to piss me off.  

There are several things that I don’t like to deal with.  Some would call these pet peeves.

1–People who drive to slow in front of me.

2–Pallets–They are a PITA.  You have to have them, but then they are in the way.

3–Sandburs

4–Warm beer

5–No orange juice or no tea in the fridge.

6–Stock show animals not presented properly.  Dirty animals, bad clip/shear job, subpar showmanship,crappy judges, etc.

7–Bad politicians.  

8–Radio commercials

9–The DVR kicking on every time “Walking Dead” comes on.  And there was a Walking Dead marathon on this Sunday, including during super bowl commercials.  “Duke! Get your ass in here and shut this crap off!  Now!”

Speaking of super bowl commercials, there were some doozies.  I really liked the GoDaddy.com ad with the spraytan ad. 

I question the luxury KIA.  It just doesn’t seem right, but the commercial was cool.  

I liked the t-mobile No Contract commercials starring Tim Tebow.  

The Chrysler 200 ad with Bob Dylan was cool and to the point.  RU kidding me?  Bob effing Dylan doing an ad.  “Let the Germans make your beer, the Swiss can build your watches and let the Asians assemble your cell phones.  We WILL build your car.”  I liked it.  This commercial was well-written and to the point, but still cool.  “You can’t fake TRUE COOL.”  I like that line.  But, you can obviously buy true cool.  What did that cost to get Bob Dylan to be the spokesman?  Whatever, it was worth it.  

The king of Super Bowl commercials–Budweiser– with the surprise parade for a returning soldier.   Nobody does super bowls ads like Budweiser.  Classy, touchy and very timely.  We needed a good patriotic commercial after suffering through that POS coke commerical.  I’m all for people coming to America.  But, you sing “America, the beautiful” in english.  They can use all the nationalities that they want in the commercial and I’m fine but that song should be sung in english.   Songs like “America the beautiful, the Star Spangled Banner, Amarillo by Morning and Sweet Child of Mine” should always be done in English.  

My all-time favorite super bowl ads.

10–Streaker as the Bud horses play ball.

9–Two Dalmation puppies seperated at birth.  2 years later they pass–one on a fire truck, the other riding the Bud wagon pulled by the clydesdales.  

8–The volkswagen Darth Vader kid.  Whoever wrote that one was way into Star Wars, much like myself.  I still laugh watching that one.  This one probably needs to be higher.  I’ve re-read this list and this commercial should be about #4 or 5.  I like it.  

7–The Bud clydsdale’s giving the young one a helping nudge.

6–The Bud commercial with the soldiers in the airport and everybody stopping to applaud.  

5–Some Pepsi commercial with Cindy Crawford.  I don’t remember much about it except Cindy Crawford.  It was 1992.  Duke and I watched it recently and he likes it.  Some things look good no matter what decade it is.

4–Herding cats.  “There ain’t nothing as mean as a half-crazed short hair.”  I don’t remember the computer company that did this one, but the commercial was way good.  

3–The tribute to 9/11 by the Budweiser clydesdales.  Statue of Liberty in the background.  The horses bow and kneel towards where the twin towers used to be.  Nobody understands the super bowl commercial like Budweiser.  It was the highest rated commercial for that year’s super bowl.  Think of the cost to make, produce and buy that space and it was the only time that commercial ever aired.  They didn’t use it to sell beer.  

2–Tobasco.  Simple.  Fat dude sitting on a porch eating pizza with a butt-load of Tobasco on it.  Mosquito bites him, sucks blood and then flies away.  The bug explodes.  I liked that commercial.  I also like Tobasco.  A lot.

1–My favorite.  The Bud clydesdales line up in football formation.  The ball snaps, a horse kicks it and it’s good.  Two cowboys leaning on the fence watching.  One says, “Do they normally do that?”  The other replies, “Nope.  They usually go for two.”  

How about the Miller High Llife ad a year or two ago.  One second.  That’s it. One second long.  The High Life delivery dude standing in front of a stack of Miller High Life and he simply says, “High LIfe.”  One second.  Money well spent.

Think back to the Apple computer commercial.  How about “Where’s the beef?”  “Waaas-uppp?”  There has been some classics.  

       In today’s online, social media world, if you have something to sell, then you MUST have an online presence.  And it needs to be current.  Let me give you a few examples from my personal experience.  

     The dealership in Woodward,OK is a small, but growing store that is a part of an exceptional Deere dealership.  I have a former student that is a really good salesman for our store.  As part of his pay package, he makes sure that every piece of used equipment and select new items at our store are listed on numerous internet sites such as tractorhouse and machinefinder.  Pics, descriptions, prices, etc. are all on these sites.  During the month of January, we have sold equipment to Pennsylvania, Iowa, Minnesota, New Mexico, south Texas, west Texas and a used lawn mower to Illinois.  Next week, we have a customer coming to look at a used 4wd tractor.  We have to make sure that we have an interpreter for him as he is coming from Costa Rica and doesn’t speak English.  RUSM?!  The Del Monte company is flying a guy to Woodward, OK to confirm that this is the tractor that they need.  I only hope that they need me to fly to Costa Rica to do the paperwork.  We’ve shipped tractors to Montana, Mexico and Australia.  All because they found it on the internet.  That old Ebay ad with the LIME green hatch back is dead-nuts on the money.  Somebody, somewhere is looking for a certain deal and if you have it, they are calling.  A card # over the phone or wire the money, schedule a truck and there is a done deal.  

      I know that I seem anti-facebook, but I understand the powers of this form of media.  Four years ago, I banned a couple of employees from posting on facebook during business hours.  With smart phones, there is no way to keep them from checking it during the day–just don’t post anything.  Now, I let one of these “offenders” post specials on facebook.  It’s crazy!  About thanksgiving time, she posted that the new hoodies were in.  A week later and we had to order more hoodies.  

      We are a small breeding operation, but we get calls from all over the U.S. (as do a pile of other breeders with an online presence). Due to a lack of numbers, I rarely have what they are looking for, but I enjoy talking to people when they call.  It gives you a warm fuzzy feeling when somebody calls from California, Kentucky, Arizona, Ohio or wherever and asks if you have a Joe Dirt son or a Rainman daughter for sale.  These calls also remind you of your failings.  

       Last summer, Tyke and I agreed to lease Joe Dirt to Kedrick Miller.  As a result of people going to Kedrick’s while Dirt was there, I’ve had numerous calls from people that saw him in person.  What do they always say, “I had never seen a picture of Joe Dirt.  I liked the looks of him.  Why don’t you take a picture and advertise him?”  Well, I can answer that question.  Tyke is borderline retarded, preoccupied, lazy and doesn’t get crap done.  Well, some of that is true.  He hangs with me so I can prove the retardation part which is his father’s fault.  The rest is my fault.  

       I also understand the power of facebook on the check writing end of things.  Helms putting a pic of 2174 on facebook caused me some grief, a quick feeling of “oh crap” and then a pile of cash.  I’m just glad my buddy Bob had a wad of cash burning a hole in his pocket at the time.  As a result, the Rumours came true.  And what would have happened if Bob didn’t want to partner?  Well, I had agreed to terms with Kenneth before I ever called Seelke’s, so I was in way deep considering I’m just a dumb bastard with 40ish does.  Wait that isn’t true.  I didn’t call, I texted Jodi.  I’m tickled that they were as stupid as I was/am.  It’s been fun and the future looks good.  

      If that goat’s pic wouldn’t have been on facebook, there would have only been a limited # of people that knew he existed.   I’m real pleased with the Dec. kids out of him.  The mid-Jan kids are putting me in a good mood.  We’ll see how it goes from here.  

      I’ve still only looked at facebook twice.  But, I understand that I have to change.  Don’t want to.  But that deal is here to stay.  

On another note.  Duke and I have been working on a promotional campaign.  One of my advisors says and I quote, “That is great!.”   The other thinks that “it is a little confrontational”.  He also asked, “Is that a monkey?”  Yes.  Yes, it is.  And I got that monkey in Costa Rica a couple of years ago.   

     We continue to have our own discovery channel around the Kelln Kompound.  I routinely discover things that prove that I am getting old.  Today’s was the e-mail offering an early ticket order for Motley Crue’s FINAL concert tour.  I used to go to a lot of concerts.  Not so much the past 20 years, other than the family hitting the TSO concerts.  Time to change that.  I can see me riding out my 80s & 90s either at Luckenbach, Gruene Hall or hitting a few arenas for some loud music.  Of course, I am sitting on standby waiting for the Guns N Roses reunion concert.  If that happens, I’m selling some goats in order to pay for tickets and I’ll be on my way.  If it’s too loud then you’re too old.  

      Our biggest discovery around here is that Duke is becoming a useful human being.  Work ethic has improved.  Attitude is better.  Doesn’t seem to mind helping others.  We worked a set of kids tonight then played like we were electricians and rebuilt several deals.  (yes, heat lamps.  I ordered a pile of extra parts to revive these dead soldiers)  He likes that kind of crap more than I do.  Of course, he’s 13.  I fully expect for things to go downhill again at some point.  Maybe not.  

     How about KD and the Thunder in last nights b-ball game?  That dude is on fire.  I don’t watch much basketball, but I keep up with OSU and the Thunder on a daily basis.  I’ve actually been to a Thunder game and it was real loud.  There was so much crap going on, I missed most of the actual game.  Back in the late 80s, I used to watch a LOT of girls basketball.  Arnett in particular.  One, they were real good.  Two, there was a future Dragon Lady on those teams.  One thing about it, she has held her age better than me.  I’ve had some comment that I married UP.  No arguments from me.  Nowadays, I have discovered that I would rather watch paint dry than to have to watch a basketball game.  

     I’ve discovered that work ethic is more valuable than knowledge.  I’ve got several sr. citizens that work for me.  They could, can & will retire.  I’ve already bought a year or two and I will try to buy more.  Let’s just say these dudes are taken care of.  However, I also have 6 others that are 22 or younger.  I want to keep those experienced (not old) guys around as long as I can.  That way, those young ones can discover what it’s like to have work ethic, take pride in your work and not be a whine bag lazy POS.  Knowledge will make you money, but work ethic builds families, churches, schools, businesses, nations, etc, etc, etc.  If you’ve got somebody that may or may not be able to run a computer, doesn’t mess with cell phones and likes to listen to AM radio but shows up to work early, takes short lunch breaks, doesn’t use all of their vacation days, RARELY calls in sick, stays late, doesn’t ask for more money, cleans up after theirself and I’ll show you somebody that gets a raise on a regular basis.  I’m lucky in regards that at this point in time, my people want to come to work.  Age discrimination–not with me.  Lazy bastards–go somewhere else.  

      It’s no different in the goat world.  Work at it.  Don’t try to buy it or politic your way.  Just work at it.  Others will take notice.  Then, at some point, you will discover that you have reached your goals.  And sometimes, you will discover that what you achieved weren’t your original goals–it was better.

     Everything that I have is 4 sale–almost.  It’s just that some things will be harder to get bought than others.  I was looking around my barn this evening and realized that I have too many of a certain useful item.  I, actually we, have too many scales.  I have one set that is on semi-permanent loan that is currently being used southwest of Shattuck.  Duke has the set that he won at the Phoenix hog sho, which ironically, weighs a large # of goats and very few hogs. Oh and the occasional fat dad.  Why don’t more shows give out cool crap like the ANLS gives out?  Scales, showboxes, buckles, platters, big ass banners, etc.  

     If you are in need of a set of scales, I know where a set is available.  Give me a holler if interested.  They need cleaned up but are in working order.  If I clean them up, the price goes up.  As-Is, they are pretty reasonable.  If you want them–Call me.

     There may also be a pretty new gooseneck aluminum trailer with penning system available.  It isn’t as nice as Dunkin’s or Mikey’s but a dang nice trailer.  Beings how it is pretty new, it isn’t mine.  But if you are looking for a fairly new trailer, Call me and I can hook you up with the dude that has it.  

      I also know where a killer set of 8-9 weight heifers are going to be 4 sale.  I mean WAY GOOD.  Good bone, structure, deep bodied, great lines–the kind that will be great cows and they are genetically backed to make WAY GOOD cows.  These aren’t feedlot quality, they are keeper kind.  All black, predominately Angus with a shot of Maine, Simmy or Herf.  Odds are, they are better than your cows.  If you need something like this, call me and I will hook you up with that dude.  He’s running out of hay, wheat pasture and patience, but these girls are good.  Call me. 

      Heck, while we are at it–if you need a good to great goat–guess what, call me.  You know what?  If you need a POS kind of goat, I don’t have one, but I can hook you up.  Just call me.  

What about a used tractor or baler?  I’ve got ’em.  Call me.

If you need financing on used equipment, I know a guy.  Call me.  

This is like a Blondie song–Call Me.  Remember that band from the 70s.  Go download some Blondie tunes.  They have held up to the test of time.  Whether you like them or not, when you hear the songs, you know them.  

Today’s random thought that doesn’t mean anything.  I like the Dos Equis commercials.  You know, the supposed Most Interesting Man in the World.  Those things are well written.  They even have the nuts to say: ” I don’t usually drink beer, but…”    My favorites:

1. He lives vicariously through himself.
2. Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him.–Duke’s favorite
3. His pillow is cool on BOTH sides– my favorite

     I haven’t met him, but I would be willing to bet that if the most interesting man in the world spent a week with Big I, Milligan, Big Bill and myself, that he would probably drink more beer and he would probably also find that he doesn’t have as cool of stories as he thought.  Are we interesting?  I think not.  Borderline retardation–that’s us.  

      No, the world isn’t going to end.  At least not yet, anyways.  But the movie.  I’ve had to work diligently with my wife and favorite son on a science fair project.  This was a family deal.  Mom and Duke worked on the backdrop.  We all worked to gather data.  Duke and I wrote the paper.   Although, it hasn’t been a bad project, the term HOME SCHOOL comes to mind.  But that is another topic for another day.  At the Kelln Kompound, we are hoping for an A, will be happy with a B, satisfied with a C and any other letters will be associated with word “pissed”.  It wasn’t this way with our other child.  With her, it was going to be an A or SHE was going to be pissed.  Things change.  

      Nope, the Armageddon has to do with the movie.  I felt really lucky tonight.  I mean HORSESHOES, SHAMROCKS, pots of gold at the end of the rainbow lucky.  Why?  I turned on the tube.  Channels 4,5,9 & 25 all had YOUR president talking.  I didn’t need any of that fake BS, lies and wasteful spending, so I went to flipping channels.  Yep, right there on WGN was Armageddon.  I love that movie.  (How ironic is that?  WGN is based in Chicago.  Which is the home of YOUR president.  But they were showing Armageddon instead of his state of the union address.)

      The first time I saw that movie was in a movie theater in Lawrence, KS during the 1998 National FFA Convention.  That was my 3rd year teaching at Waynoka.  It was a whale of a good SR. class–good kids, lots of wins, awards, etc.  Better yet, was the stellar crop of kids in the lower grades, yet to come.  We had picked up a National Chapter award earlier that day.  We met Baxter Black and we were stoked.  There was a pile of kids in my room, telling me to rent it,  so we rented this movie pay-per-view.  That was my first pay-per-view movie.  I charged it to my personal card, as I wasn’t sure if the school could cover it.  What’s the word?  Naive.  

      Whatever.  The movie was awesome.  Full of suspense, excitement, patriotism, and all that other crap.  I loved it.  We got done with that movie, then headed out to eat for supper.  After dinner, I asked the kids what they wanted to do—guess what?  They wanted to go to the movies.  So we did.  We went to a movie theater and watched another all-time classic–The Waterboy.  Another great flick.  

     Now, when I see either of those movies, I get nostalgic.  These flicks remind me of why I liked teaching.  I think about all those kids and where they are now.  These movies take me to a happy place.  Then, I realize that if I was still teaching, I would be teaching some of those kids’ kids.  Dang.  I’m old.  But, those movies are still good.