This blog is dedicated to Tory B.  He, much like myself, is short in stature and short on intelligience.  He says that he has ADD and has a hard time reading long blogs.  So this one will be short.  After seeing the feed bill that you left me, I wish you would have mailed it (the bill, not the feed).  At least you would have had to pay for a stamp and keep the US post office in business another day.

       As for the under-rated post earlier this week.  Yes, I agree that Don Williams is under-rated. “Lord, I hope this day is good.”  All time classic song.  

It’s Friday night.  I’m well behaved on this fine evening.  Here’s to hoping that somebody, somewhere is having more fun than I am.  Troy B, I hope you don’t hear anybody’s name on a police scanner on this Friday evening that you recognize.  

     What a long, dirty miserable day.  I attended the NW district show in Enid.  Saw some nice goats, but it was dirty in that barn and it was a long day.  It was very evident as to who had taken care of their goats this winter.  There was also a distinct line seperating the good showmen and the other 90% that needed a lot more work.  

     But then I got home and checked the mail.  Guess what?  Tammy got a new Women’s Health magazine.  So what?  Well, Shakira was on the cover.  Lucky day.

      I think in today’s info-overloaded society, we quickly over-rate to many things.  We want it right now.  We don’t always give credit to somebody that can stay at it year after year.  We always want the hottest new thing.  Livestock showing is a prime example.  We all want the hottest new genetics or want to go to the breeder that won the big show last year.  In reality, we are better off to deal with somebody that is in the hunt year after year after year.  Even if they didn’t win, they still give you the highest percentage to be in the hunt to win.  

     I look around this show goat deal and there aren’t very many left that were in this game when we started messing with goats over a decade ago.  There has been some major changes.  Some improved, some went by the way side, some haven’t improved at all and a few have been in the hunt, either showing or breeding goats, the whole time.  

      As you all know, I like to listen to a wide variety of tunes.  iTunes, iPod, XM or just shove a CD in and crank it.  I listen to a lot of bluecollarcomedy on the XM radio.  Jeff Foxworthy basically owns and operates this channel.  We all know who Foxworthy is.  He has been doing this gig since the late 80s.  He got big in the early 90s and two decades later, he’s still doing it.  He has been the foundation for most of today’s star comedians–Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White, Kathleen Madigan, etc, etc. I have loved listening to Foxworthy since I first heard the “You might be a redneck if…” back in about ’93.  He’s still doing it.  He’s clean enough that the kids can listen but has such an innuendo about him that even some filthy minded old fart like me gets it and loves it.  I laugh harder at Ron White.  Even though Foxworthy is one of the biggest comedians of all time, I think that he is under-rated.  He developed a never-ending form of comedy.  He can play to all ages, sexes, religions, etc.  He doesn’t ever cross the line to make you mad.  He just makes you get in a good mood.  You read about the top comedians of all time and they list Carlin, Pryor, Bruce because those dudes were SO edgy.  Foxworthy has done it for decades, made others better, opened doors for other comedians to get their big break and then he decided to start that tour, then the radio deal.  The guy is a genius–comedic and business.  He is truly under-rated.  

     I got to burning up some pavement earlier today going to look at a possible trade-in or two and one of my favorite bands was on Hairnation on the XM radio.   Tesla.  I like me some Tesla.  They came up during the hair band rage of the late 80s, but those dudes could play and their songs had merit.  25 years later, I still like them a lot.  They never had that big commercial hit, but they were a killer good rock band.  They were the kind of band that the big name stars were listening to back in the day.  

       There are several other bands that had staying power but they aren’t as well recognized as others.  Bands like Cheap Trick, Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band and Heart.  All of those bands could play, had a wide reprotoire of music and did it for a long time.  Neil Diamon is another artist that I like that has stood the test of time.  He was a big star back in the 70s, but his stuff has held up.  Cinderella and Ratt were two dang sure “Hair” bands from the 80s.  But they could play.  They weren’t some fake, produced crap just for MTV.  Their music was legit. 

       I think there is a country star that gets overlooked a lot.  I really like Johnny Lee.  He has some huge hits with “Lookin’ for love” and the “Yellow Rose of Texas”.  Those are some of my favorite songs.  You get to listening to his stuff and you will know a pile of his stuff.  He was good.  Real good.  On a side note, I absolutely loved the Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat on SNL.  Buckwheat sings the hits–“Wookin Pa Nub in all da wong paces”  still brings me to tears just thinking about it.  

       Now, you may be wondering, who does Kelln think is the most under-rated music artist of all-time.  Well.  I have an answer/opinion.  The most under-rated musical artist of all-time is one of the biggest names in all of music history.  The king of this list is…..

the king—Elvis Presley.  What!?  How in the heck can you have Elvis on an under-rated list?  I can find numerous lists that DO NOT rank him as the #1 rock artist, or the #1 entertainer or the #1 music icon of all time.  This dude took rock music to a whole new level.  He is one of the best known GOSPEL artists of all time.  He charted top hits on the country charts.  Top hits on the blues list.  He is the original “rock star”.  He played massive concerts, used TV to propel his fame, then took several years off to serve in the military.  There isn’t any big artist nowadays that would suspend their career to serve their country.  Then he used Vegas to come back again.  His music from the 50s is still relevant today.  Kids today know who Elvis is.  There hasn’t been a star as big as Elvis and probably won’t.  

       I’ve seen a list that ranks Oprah ahead of Elvis as a cultural icon.  I saw another list that ranked Led Zeppelin as a bigger rock act.  There is another list that has Michael Jackson and Madonna ranked higher as an entertainer.  None of those even have a career without Elvis.  If he isn’t #1 on a list, well then he is under-rated.   

      So, go crank up some “Kentucky Rain” or “Suspicious Minds”  or if you think that there is a chance tonight,  sing some “Can’t help falling in love” and see if that pays off for you.  Good luck.  

And if you ever decide to name a goat Elvis, he better be good.  Real good.  

      Sometimes, and only on special occasions I think a little bit.  Recently, I caught myself thinking about my job.  I was thinking that if it wasn’t for equipment, customers and employees then I would have a really good job.  Ironically, without the equipment, excellent customers and a dang good set of employees, I wouldn’t have a job anymore.  

      I remember thinking back in 2002 or 3 that I couldn’t believe that I got paid to teach ag-ed at Waynoka.  I was living a dream.  Then somewhere in the next year or two, it became a job.  Then I realized that I was dang neart working for free when you figured it by the hour.  The highs became really high, the lows became really low and somewhere along the way I got in my own way.

      The last year or two, I’ve been thinking that I have about had it with the weather in this part of the world.  Then, this morning, I was on the phone with a guy in Winnipeg.  Yes, in Canada.  I asked him how the weather was treating him.  He replied, “It has been over 3 months since the temperature has been above freezing.  It is 24 degrees below zero right now and I can’t stand to go outside.”  I said, “Dang, 24 below is brutal.”  He replied, “Of course, that is 24 below on the Celsius scale.”  HOLY jeeminy that is effing cold.  I’m out.  Don’t want none of that.  Things like this get me to thinking, dang that weather in Costa Rica was A-okay and according to my phone, the weather there is still A-okay.  

       On certain occasions, I look at all my panels, feeders, equipment, sheds, does, etc, etc. and think, this could make for a really good dispersal sale.  But then, I think crap, I would then have a tax problem and I don’t want a tax problem.  And what would I do with this piece of paradise if I didn’t have these beasts?  Exercise.  I think not.  Go watch basketball games?  I know not.  Take up woodworking?  Nope.  I then think that I will just keep these beasts and see what we can think of next.  

      I was looking at a buck prospect tonight and I stood there thinking that I am not very intelligent if I sell him.  I really like him.  A LOT.  And if I wanted to go somewhere to by one like him, it would be really hard to find one that looks like this and it would cost an absolute wheelbarrow load of cash.  That or a really hot-to-the-touch check.  Some people won’t like this goat, but if you like a wide-skulled, clean throated, up headed, wide chested yet clean fronted, bold ribbed, square racked, popping loin, up-tailed and level hipped, monster assed, heavy structured and square on all four corners and backed with great genetics then you will like this goat.  I’m thinking that if I had any actual intelligience about me, then I would clip him up and take a picture or two.  That takes time.  And time is in short supply around here.  

      I realize now that I am thinking again.  Therefore, I better shut it down.  Good luck.  Stay flexible but not limp.  

      It’s a monday night, still cold outside, so let us gather round the dim light of the computer screen and just get a little bit random.  When I say random, I mean kind of all over the place.  Like a drunk monkey wearing a chaffeur outfit driving a yellow taxi cab down a paved county road.  Bar ditch to bar ditch and occasionally take out a fence post or two.  Not that I’ve ever been in such a deal, but it could happen.  

      Cold weather–I am absolutely a believer that cold weather screws up more goats than any other single thing.  How to prevent this?  Blankets, blankets and more blankets.  Goats are not cold weather animals.  Their hair has no insulating value.  I don’t care if they are in a barn or not.  When it is cold out, they need layers.  Heated barn?  Turn the temp down and put layers on them.  If you keep it too warm in a barn, then they will crater when they have to go into adverse conditions.  I believe that you have to toughen them up a bit in October and November.  After that, 2 or 3 layers are required.  If they go to shivering, their hide changes, they lose muscle shape and their appettiites go in the crapper.  It also changes them mentally.  And we all love dealing with a stupid goat.  Keep them warm.  And if it is going to be 20 degrees at night but then 68 in the afternoon, take a layer or two off.  And if it is nice out for just a couple of hours, strip ’em and let them run naked.  They will feel better, eat better, work better and well dang it, they will just be better.  Blanket management is a chore but a must.  Oh, don’t rely on heat lamps.  In the long run, it can cause problems.  If you do use heat lamps, make sure they are well protected.

     And on the note of better.  I watched the tv program “The Voice” last night with the family.  I don’t care what Blake, Usher or Adam can do for me as a musician, if Shakira hits the button to pick me, I’m all in.  There are some female singers that take me to a happy place when I hear their songs–Shania, Adele, Mariah, Whitney and Shakira.  Daddy likey!  Not only is Shakira talented, but she kind of looks the part.  But in today’s society, if you can find a way to tie to the spanish speaking market, then you have a huge marketing opportunity.  I can’t speak spanish/mexican/costa rican or any other dialect.  I only know enough mexican to get myself stabbed.  However,  I have successfully been known to order 2 beers with lime, hurry up and thanks.  (Dos cerveza con limon. Andele.  Por favor.)  I doubt that I use proper grammar, but it works.  Although I can’t speak any spanish dialects, I can talk several different dialects of direlect English.  

     I like the comedian John Caparulo.  He has some side splitting funny material.  One of his shticks refers to “Why people consider somebody super intelligent if they can speak 7 different languages?”  His theory is that if you are an idiot and speak seven different languages then a lot more people can understand that you are an idiot.  

      Now, back to the show “The Voice”.  Did I mention that I like Shakira?  

      Showmanship.  It is important in every species, but it seems to get amplified at a goat show.  Showmanship.  There are those that can and those that can’t.  Premium sales are mainly inhabited by those that can.  Banners are generally won by those that dang sure can show.  There are very few that can actually take a goat and make them better.  Most good showman show good enough to not get beat.  The truly great ones take a goat and go win.  There is a difference.  I’m fortunate to find myself associated with a lot of really good showmen, a couple of great ones and a couple more that are trying to take the step to being a great showmen.  It takes work, practice, time, patience, study and sometimes just some good old GOD given ability.  If you are standing ringside at a goat show and you hear somebody say “The reason that they win is because of…….politics, money spent, facilities, buddies with so and so, etc, etc, etc.  Well, there may be some truth to it, but I will GUARANTEE you that most of the time (91.2% according to some horsey gallup poll ) there is a heckuva an anchor that is sticking that goat or sheep or pig or calf.        

      There are two (2) main ingredients to winning a goat show.  Showmanship and Genetics.  And those two go hand in hand like a couple of monkeys skipping down the streat wearing Beats headphones listening to Sinatra.  (Yeah, just stop and think about that visual.)  There are only a handful of stellar showmen and there is a limited genetic pool that consistently wins bigger shows.  It might be a small breeder that raises a grand goat, but it will be a short line to a major genetic pool.  But there will almost always be a solid showman.  

      I don’t care what you do in life, you need to have fun.  I sometimes have too much fun.  (Nah, that’s like having too much money.)  But most can’t tell if I’m in a good mood or not.  Winning goat shows is not fun.  The winning part is nothing more than proof that goals were obtained.  The journey to get there is way more special and makes the winning WAY MORE fun.  

      You know what else I like?  A random Satruday evening with good friends and good times.  My favorite question of the weekend–  Ring, “You sure my 15 year old son can go in there and eat with us?”  Me–  “The drummer of the band is 10 years old.  I think that they will let him in.”  

Hey Ring, tell Big I that he missed out.  Great steak, good friends, an OSU win and someTHING called “Guatemala”.  A knuckle bump? RUSM!  As always, there are stories to be told.  

      And to end this Monday evening little jaunt down the not-so-literal path to knowledge, I have bragged about my help before, but I will do it again.  I have a WAY GOOD set of showmen, but I have an even better set of parents.  Some don’t know what the heck that they are doing, but they will do anything to help anybody.  Some are just trying to get better and others are trying to help everyone else get better.  As always, my friend Tyke is there to help and he doesn’t get in the way.  Brooke takes care of the photos, snacks and never makes anybody mad.  And that husband of hers is kind of a big help.  Not just to me, but to the other kids.  The Dragon Lady was helping kids and staying away from me.  

      And did I mention my buddy Travis.  Schoovy and Braden crawled their rears out of bed on a Beautiful Oklahoma Sunday morning and drove through sleet, snow and ice just to come help other kids.  Neither of those two are what you would call “early risers”.  But here they were.  Braden coached and Schoovy clipped, coached, drenched and worked like a sled dog to help kids.  Why?  Because they can and want to. It’s families like that which raise the bar for everybody.  They will work to beat your ass, but will also take time to teach you how to do it.  Too many people want to complalin about consistent winners.  In fact, one should simply watch them, take notes, ask questions and then pile in and help each other work to get better.  It really is that simple.  I know that these people aren’t the only ones that do this, but this is MY blog and these are MY friends and the people that I like.  And there is a butt-load of people that benefited from them at this show.  And what did it cost?  NOTHING!  The only thing that I don’t know is how to spell his name.  Is it Travis or TravASS?  I don’t know.  We’ll just stick with Schoovy.  Tip of the cap to ya.  

      Basically, If you read these blogs on a regular basis, you might form the opinion that between a bunch of kids working to get better, Bill & Brooke, the Schoovy’s, Tammy and several others that work at this game, that I really don’t do a dang thing.  You might be right.  And we are rapidly nearing the day that I am done.  Then I’m going to start doing like a couple of WISER people than I.  Show up and watch the show, then go get in a picture with a banner, a good goat and an even better kid.  I’ve seen several recent photos of my buddy Bob Seelke wearing a nice cowboy hat behind a goat and a banner.  I think that’s what I will do.  I’ll get me a smiling Bob caboy hat, a Kenneth Helms vest, a Texas entourage in the background and tie it all together with my kilt.  I can tell you for sure that if I get in a pic, I will NOT be wearing a stocking cap–no matter how cold it is.  

      Did I mention that I like Shakira?  

    The first four letter word today is LEXI.  As in Lexi Vanderwork.  She’s had a pretty good year showing goats.  She started it off by winning the State Fair, then she won a showmanship division at the Lone Star Elite as well as placing high.  Then she won a couple of classes and was reserve grand at the Champion’s Choice.  Now, she has shown the grand wether at Woodward District.  

      The next word is DUKE.  I can literally say this word with enough conviction to make it sound like a true four letter word.  But I haven’t had to much lately.  He’s been making a hand around our piece of paradise.  And he has stepped his showmanship up quite a bit.  He got them drove yesterday.  He ended up reserve grand.  

     BREE.  Speaking of somebody stepping up the showmanship.  Bree Taylor has taken her skills to a whole other level.  It’s fun to watch when a kid takes the next step.  SImply put, she was the best goat showman in the barn yesterday.  And I’ll put her up against anybody.  I’m not saying that she is the best (yet), but she can show with any of them.  Speaking of Taylor’s, Britt ended up showing the res. ch. berk barrow.  Any time Britt does well, or if the mood just strikes her right, then she does the HAPPY DANCE.

     NEWT.  Ol’ Newt Sweet got him a personal showmanship coach.  He only takes orders from the Dragon Lady and he got his set of does shown.  He won several classes and a 2nd.  Oh and he had the reserve grand doe.  I don’t think big sister is too happy with Newt having a big day.   

     Congrats to all the other kids that had a big day.  Chesley Comstock and Darcy Peach had division winners.  The Bruce girls both showed well and are in the sale.  

      It was without a doubt, the coldest day that I have ever spent at a goat show.  Thank goodness for the heated barn at Woodward.  The Woodward fairgrounds are undergoing a demolition and building project which is making this years show a bit of a challenge but it will all be good when it is done.  

     Listened to an interesting judges speech during the grand drive of the barrows.  Little bit different.  Watched a “beginning” judge line the goats up at Woodward.  Let’s just say “little bit different”.  

     And speaking of COLD, it is butt-ass cold outside.  The thermometer shows a negative sign in front of the numeral three this morning.  At least there isn’t a pile of wind to really make it miserable.  Wethers should be wearing at least three thick layers of blankets.  Even if they are in a barn.  

      No more Olympics on the tube, so I am going through some withdrawls.  But it got me to thinking about things that ought to be an Olympic event.

–Parallel parking a ’93 Chevy van

–Changing diapers (I wouldn’t be very good)

–Trailer backing (Tyke would be a non-qualifier)

–Finding the tv remote control

–Hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock–eyes must stay closed.

–Watermelon home run contest.

–Getting a does horns unhooked from the panel that she was destroying until she became immoblized.

–Flipping channels looking for a Law & Order episode at 4 am, USA, TNT then channel 9 for weather then default back to sportscenter, all with eyes closed.

–Putting a marking harness on a buck.

–Stacking round bales.  

–Stacking small square bales.  

–Fitting a 2 week old goat kid into the dehorning box.  

–Snaring a show pig.

–Unsnaring a show pig when done clipping.  

Is it a coincidence that I am living in Hollywood when they are calling 2014 “The Year of The Bible”???

     If you need a fix of the crap that comes out of my mind, then you need to go to the message board of oklahomshowgoats.com.  I spent too much time on there this morning replying to a post instead of writing pertinent info on this wealth of knowledge website.  

     One of the biggest pains in dealing with does is trimming hooves.  Some does never need their hooves trimmed, some need it 2 or 3 times a year.  It isn’t fun. It is time consuming and I usually end up using a lot of unacceptable language, only get a couple of does done, get mad and then go do something else.  

     I have found a new way to take care of the hooves on mature does.  Pay somebody else to do it.  Way better deal.  Tim Dunkin is who referred me to this lady.  And I am glad he did.

     If you need hovves trimmed, call Stephanie Allen at 918-938-1427.  She is in college at Okie State.  She will travel to your farm and go to work.  She does an excellent job.  She tries to coordinate several farms in the same area on a weekend and then go to work.  She charges a fee to pay for gas, then so much per head, depending on how many you have.  I think that she works too cheap.  I’m a big believer in tips if somebody does a good job.  Call Stephanie, catch does, let her trim hooves, write her a check, be in a better mood.  It is a way good deal.  

      Plus, I respect the fact that here is a young person that isn’t afraid to go out and earn a dollar.  She isn’t waiting on some handout.  She’s out their earning her way.