I am rapidly approaching 44 years of age and I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.  I aspire to be a “combat lightsaber specialist”.  Ironically, this was the same thing that I wanted to do when I was 7 years old.  After, I got older, I realized that they didn’t make a light saber like Darth Vader used.  So, I decided that I wanted to be THE POPE.  I just didn’t realize the force(s) that would push me in other directions.  At this point in my life, I’m REAL sure that I have a better chance of becoming a “combat lightsaber specialist”.  

      So far there have been a couple of un-obtainable items that have been on my wish list for a long time.  And if I found a Genie lamp, rubbed it and the Genie popped out and gave me one wish and that wish was to choose between an actual fully operational light saber or a penguin for supper, then my choice will be the actual fully operational light saber.  Because I am fairly sure that if I had an actual fully operational light saber, then I could get a penguin to put on a grill.  Maybe, just maybe, I’m wrong.  I doubt it.  Unless, of course, Yoda was defending all of the penguins and he too was armed with a light saber.  If that’s the case, well, I’m probably still going to be without a penguin and will probably be minus a limb or two.  

     There are some questions that I ponder at times.  Why aren’t there any Walrus hide boots?  I would think that those would be some tough boots.  

     Did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs’?  This just seems appropriate as we near the month of April.  And yes, I know that IRS is not an actual word, but an acronym.  But, at this time of year, IRS is a dirty word for some.  

     It seems like the OYE show just got over and people are already filling their pens with steers, goats and lambs.  The only time that this circle of life ends is when the last kid graduates.  Then, the parents get a raise, because college tuition is cheaper than wood chips, feed bills, steers or wethers.  

     Midwest showers, Northerners, Yankees, whatever the term that you use for those that show in states other than Texas and Oklahoma are smarter than Texans and Okies.  Why you ask?  They get done with their state fairs in August and then empty the pens.  Alright, some will have animals for Kansas City or Louisville.   Then they are done in November.  Even if they show at Denver, they are done in mid January.  Then, they take a couple of months off and reload.  Not us mental midgets in the SW.  WE eat crayons for breakfast and have animals on feed year-round and then we wonder why there is fungus & ringworm problems and that wierd coccidi runs that always seems to be lurking.  

      I can tell you that if you plant a greenhouse full of plants, then leave to go to stock shows for a couple of weeks, have good help taking care of watering, that when you come back, the greenhouse will look like a jungle.  I’m pretty sure that we could lose an 8th grader or two amongst the vegetation that is growing in this greenhouse.  

     I apologize to those of you that read this and don’t feel any smarter.  I can’t give this time back to you.  You made the choice to click to this site.  But, you can look forward to future posts that will actually contain viable information.  Although, you are still thinking about those walrus hide boots.  

Have a good day and a better tomorrow. 

     I’ve been trying to get organized to clip some buck prospects.  I don’t have time or the desire to do this, but it needed done.  On Sunday evening, I got wind of a goat clipper lurking around Oklahoma.  HOOK ME UP!  And it happened.  This morning, a mini-van rolled into our piece of paradise south of Fargo.  Yes, a mini-van.  Two college age young men got out and went to unloading 2 roll-up metal stands, 3 blowers, hoses, a show box complete with concert quality speakers and boxes of hair care products and clippers.  Yes, Crede Garriott travels in a min-van.  And he has good reasons why.  Fuel mileage, all of his stuff is right there,  nobody is going to mess with a mini van piled with stuff and…well, all I got is kudos to anybody that isn’t afraid to cruise the country in a mini-van and will work to make a dollar or two. Crede brought a Kelln favorite, Kory (some might call me Cody) Dietz along to help wash, setup and photo.  

     We started the day off right, discussing tornadoes and how often they occur in paradise.  I said, “Not often.  No need to worry.  Besides, we have a basement.”  As if on demand, a front started to blow in, the temperature dropped, the wind blew and then right on time, a siren started to blow.  Crede went “What the heck?  Is that a tornado siren?”  Nope, just my Dad feeding cows.  No worry.

     Here’s the deal.  It’s not that I can’t clip or photo.  It’s the fact that I don’t like to wash, clip or photo and I needed to get it done.  Plus, I wanted it done right.  At the end of the day, I am way glad these boys wanted the work.  They are good.  Way good.  This Crede likes to clip and photo.  He’s good at it.  Plus, he has good taste in music.  

    I’m all in on somebody doing a good job.  And I love the fact that there are some young kids that are willing to work to do something they like while making a dollar or two.  If you are needing goats clipped and/or photoed, I can hook you up.  

     And what you might ought to gather from reading this, is yes, I have a buck prospect or two that I am kind of high on.  Especially, since I was willing to pay to get them clipped and pic’ed.  This one is fun to look at.  

      And to answer the title question.  Yes, he really does cruise in a mini-van.  I love it.  Have a good day and a better tomorrow.  

      Yes, I know it has been a day or 3 since I posted, but I have been on the road.  The goat business is a never-ending vicious circle.  Round and round, getting nowhere fast.  

      I’m telling you, this OYE goat show was wicked good.  Congrats to the Pfeiffer’s for raising the grand and reserve wethers as well as the grand doe.  Good, strike that, great goats.  These top 3 wethers were way good.  You could swap them around in different orders, but it didn’t matter as all 3 were dang good, extremely well fed & fitted and shown to the hilt.  GREAT SET of Grand, Reserve and Bronze wethers.  All OKIE bred and raised.  I don’t know the exact #s of Okie raised goats that are in the sale, but it is most of them.  Why wouldn’t it be that way?  We Okies have been buying the best bucks and does, regardless of price for several years.  

     Our little operation got along real well.  Everyone has wanted to know where the Rumour Has It wethers are.  They were at OYE.  There were only 6 Rumour wethers at OYE, but they placed–2 class winners, 2 seconds, 2 fifths and a reserve heavy div. and bronze overall.  The bronze wether was a Rumour Has It x Joe Dirt/FreakOnA Leash/Starbuck momma.  There were also numerous top 5 doe kids, including the 8th overall slick sheared doe.  Joe Dirt sired a class winning doe kid and a premium sale wether.  Congrats to all.  Marvin Ensor judged the wether show and did an impeccable job of consistently lining up way good goats.  Rainman had a 2nd place wether.  All in all, a very good show week.  

     Duke showed three wethers and had a 1st, 2nd and a 4th and made the premium sale.  Better yet, he worked side-by-side with me fitting goats and he did a killer good job showing.  His ag teacher is going to have to get more serious.  Shattuck only had 2 goat showmen at OYE–Duke and Bree Taylor.  But these 2 are two of the best at getting goats worked and shown.  Both made the premium sale.  And they are just 8th graders.  If their dad’s don’t screw things up, these two will have fun careers.  

      The Shattuck kids did very well showing all species.  I am very proud of how they represented our school.  Our superintendent, Randy Holley, recieved the Chairman’s Award for the outstanding school administrator that supports AgEd programs.  Oh, did I mention that one of Duke’s classmates had a decent cattle show.  Gatlin Goodson showed the reserve grand commercial heifer.  Then, later in the week, Gatling showed the Grand Champion steer at the 100th OYE show.  Pretty cool deal. Gatlin and his family work at this cattle deal.  Yes, it takes some cash to play in the steer barn, but you don’t win a big win without a pile of work.  Gatlin does a great job showing. Shattuck is absolutely loaded with top shelf cattle showmen.  Gatlin comes from a long line of showmen, especially hog showmen.  His grandpa is the legend known as Red Goodson.  The Holt family placed extremely well with their home raised Berkshire gilts.  Sold both in the prestigious OYE gilt sale for a pile of cash.  Cool deal.

      The grand drive spectacle of the OYE is something worth driving to watch.  Unreal.  This show is extremely well ran and shower friendly.  Hats off to the OYE crew on a great show.  I’m already looking forward to the 101st OYE show.  I tell you something else. I am EXTREMELY pleased that the OYE crew hired ShowChampions to take care of the photography.  Man, that operation knows how to get pics of livestock and kids.  That hotshots deal they do is a gold-mine.  Just snap some timely photos and then watch as moms buy pics.  

    Obviously, we had fun at OYE.  But the best news came in the form of a facetime video from California on Wednesday evening.  My favorite daughter, Kela, told Tammy and I that she had gotten a promotion at work.  Starting next season, she will be a traveling PRODUCER for “The Amazing Race” tv show.  This is good news for Duke and I as both of our retirement plans hinge on Kela’s success.  So, this is a step in the right direction. The bad news is that when they are traveling and filming, there is a 30 day window that she can’t talk to anyone.  Silence.  This means that the Dragon Lady will be in a pissy mood for THIRTY days.  I just hope it is during kidding season so that I can just stay in the barn.  Congrats to Kela and congrats to all that had success at OYE.  It is fun to see horseshoes and shamrocks paying off for people.

Spring Break 2015!!!  

    I’ve got volumes that need dispensed.  However, I am old, wore out, tired, sore and it is late.  But this OYE was special.  It was the 100th anniversary.  The quality was off the hook.  The shows were ran well.  The judges were top shelf.  The premium sale went REAL WELL!

       As far as the goat show goes….all I have is that the quality of wether goats in Oklahoma is 2nd to NOBODY.  The goats, kids, showmanship, feeding and fitting of goats for OYE was way good.  I’m not talking about 3 or 4 in a class that were good.  We’re talking 10 deep in a class of wethers.  The quality was way, way good.  If you are interested in the show goat industry,  then OYE is your destination  to see way cool goats.  

      I’m done for the night.  Have a good one. 

      I’m not living in a van, down by the river, yet.  But I did look out the north window of the room and realize that I am living in a hotel room, down by the river.  Every now and then, I like to watch the SNL sketch of Matt Foley- motivational speaker.  It puts me in a good mood.  

     Really good heifer show concluded at OYE today. High quality.  Congrats to Gatlin Goodson of Shattuck, America.  He & his heifer Mya were the reserve grand commercial heifer at the 2015 OYE.  This pair was grand commercial at the 2014 OYE as a calf, reserve grand at Tulsa, grand at Woodward and now this banner.  That’s a good run.   Now, for the rest of the week.  Looks to me like somebody that enjoys clipping does could make some cash.  St. Paddy’s day is upon us.  Big fun. 

     It is a fine Sunday evening in OKC.  Lots of stuff going on at OYE.  We are just two days away from a personal national holiday -St. Patrick’s Day.  Green, shamrocks & blarney stones and if I’m lucky maybe we’ll catch leprechaun with a pot of gold.  Can’t wait. 

      Also on Tuesday, we are offering Rumour Has It semen.  Ten lots of 10 straws.  This dude is making way good goats.  Buy a lot, use a couple of straws, keep the rest in the tank, then cash a check.  Look at Dereu’s facebook wether out of Big Rumour on a Rumour Has It/Joe Dirt Doe.   We are also offering some Skippy Red Leg.  He is a flushmate to the powerhouse doe that was grand at Woodward.  This will be the last offering of Rumour Has It semen in 2015.

     Have a good day and a better tomorrow.  

    Well, here it goes.  Again.  I will go to the Oklahoma Youth Expo as an ag teacher.  It feels weird.  And I feel old.  Duke has shown there the past 6 years, and I wasn’t an ag teacher.  Plus, you can add a year or two before Duke started showing.  It’s hard to get ready to leave when there is so much to do here, not counting my personal stuff.  Oh well, it will work out.  I’ve got great help at the shows and even better help at home.  

      On a sad note. I am a little distraught about a certain Grey Goat pickup.  It runs great, but has been making a bad noise.  I hoped for the best, but feared the worst.  Sure enough, a bad lifter.  Decisions have to be made.  Rebuild it or get a new engine.  No matter which way I look, it costs a pile of cash.  This could cut into my goat buying cash.  Maybe? Just, maybe, there is a goat seller that could sponsor this repair so that the Grey Goat can head out on its annual tour to buy goats.  The scary part is that the repairs will probably cost less than a good goat.  Some things just don’t make sense.  

     Have a good one and a better tomorrow.  Her’es to horseshoes and shamrocks and me hoping that all of you clowns have as good of help as what I have when I need it.  Cheers.

    For those of you NON-goat people, I wrote a line last night, that might not have made sense to you.  The following line needs clarification, “Which means that the oil is blacker than the head on a Starbuck offspring.”  It has been brought to my attention that some thought this was border-line racist.  While others wondered how I knew that the Starbuck’s coffee owners had black headed kids.  Here’s the deal.  Starbuck is a BLACK headed buck that was raised by Mike Kelly and sold to Jamie Smith.  Starbuck has raised a lot of good kids over the years and YES, a lot of them have black heads.  I apoligize to those of you that aren’t goat-oriented and therefore, not privvy to this info.  I understand that not everybody can be a KOOL KID and raise goats.  

     This afternoon, I was given the label, “Model of perfect health”.  What?  All I did was go get a physical so that I could keep my CDL license.  I filled out the paperwork, sat in the waiting room talking to Tim Dunkin, then pissed in a cup (no spills), got weighed, measured and then had to put on some flannel sleep pants and wait.  While waiting, I read a Sports Illustrated basketball edition.  I hadn’t looked at one of those in awhile.  Hhmm.  They didn’t have a magazine about watching paint dry.  

      They then tested my pulse rate and my oxygen.  I had both.  Then the old arm wrap blood pressure test with the stethoscope to hear better test.  Then, the scary part–the eye test.  “Sir, do you wear your glasses when you drive?”  RUSM?!  I would be a casualty of wreckless driving if I didn’t wear them while driving.  I rocked that eye test.  I felt like I had good vision in my right eye for the first time since ’88.  They probably ought to increase the distance of the eye chart.  

      Now, they needed my shirt off.  Wait here.  Then, finally, here they came.  Reflex test.  Look up the nose test followed by the look in each ear test.  They determined that I have a nose and can hear something behind me.  They didn’t actually determine if I can smell out of my ears or hear out of my nose.  But, yes, I have those senses.  Then a bunch of deep breaths while listening through the stethoscope.  One last test.  Yep, the cough while I feel test.  Except, it wasn’t the old, grab them and cough.  This deal wasn’t quite as invasive.  

       The doc got done, showed the chart to the nurse and commented, “This one is the model of perfect health”.  She agreed.  I couldn’t leave this statement alone.  I had to comment.  Then, I realized that doing DOT physicals brings in some physical specimens that aren’t so physical.  You know?  The stereo-typical pork rind eating, CB talking, get no exercise truck driving type.  Or worse, the can’t pass the piss test part of the physical tanker truck driver.  For clarification purposes, yeah, it’s kind of like a stock show.  I looked REAL GOOD compared to the competition.  Me, being the model of perfect health is kind of like winning class 1 wether goats.  As a judge, you hope they get better from here on out.  

      After I aced this test, I took my medical card to the DMV.  They stamped it.  Then, I noticed that I was next to a Braum’s.  So, I went and got a big waffle cone of twist frozen yogurt.  You know, because I’m a model of health.  

     “My momma taught me not to use language like that.”  Yes, I spelled it right.  No, it is not a cuss word.  Although, it could be used as one.  Iseki is actually a brand of tractor. It is a Japanese built-tractor that is about 16 horsepower and perfect for a roto-tiller.  These little dudes are designed for rice paddys–4wd, narrow tires with deep tread, 3 tranny ranges, 4 pto speeds and they are borderline bulletproof.  And I have proof.  

      Now, here’s the Paul Harvey part of this story, with multiple levels.  

One, for those of you that know me and my family. YES, I was taught by my mother to NOT use ANY foul language.  Although, taught properly, I am a failure at refraining from using words that shouldn’t pass my lips.  I’m sorry Mom.  And, yes, I did hear the Priest’s sermon this past Sunday.  

Two–Yes, there is an Iseki tractor in the Kelln Klan.  Dad bought one several years ago for his grape vineyard.  And it hasn’t been used much since.  In fact, I would bet that my Dad is in a hotel room, reading this blog, thinking “Why in the… what the…what could cause this dang kid to be writing about one of my tractors?  This doesn’t make sense.  That tractor doesn’t run.  It needs work.”  

Three–It is approaching garden season.  Duke and I have plans.  We are needing a tiller and neither of us want to write a fat check for a new one.  Dad has a Troy-Bilt tiller that needs work (tires, shifter linkage, carb, plugs, etc.).  But, he also has this Iseki.  The Iseki was probably built in the late 70’s.  It has been JQ’ed.  Which means that the oil is blacker than the head on a Starbuck offspring.  It has a can over the muffler, wired to the clutch pedal to keep rain out of the exhaust.  The PTO shifter was iseki’ed up.  Which means that I had to go into Dad’s barn to find tools.  This part of the story is interesting since Dad’s barn sits 50 yards away from my little brother’s barn.  Daniel’s barn has locking tool boxes with labels for each tool and every tool has its proper place.  I could break into Fort Knox easier than I could Daniel’s belongings.  Dad’s barn–hunh–not so organized.  Anyways, I found a pair of channel locks, a hammer, a screw driver and a piece of metal that would suffice for a tool.  All of these tools were in Dad’s tool box–which means that they were laying in different parts of his barn.  I used all of these tools to get the PTO shifter fixed.  Several unholy words later, with Daniel watching and Tammy videoing, the tractor was operational.  It actually started right up, right after the glow plug coil started to glow.  Impressive.  It just needed some whacks to get the PTO shifter “adjusted” properly.  This little tractor is tough.  The term would be bulletproof.  

     One of these days, I am going to make a movie, along with my favorite daughter’s help, and the central piece of the script will involve an email dialog circa 2002, between my 2 brothers, my dad and I.  This email contains pertinent info regarding proper tool management and storage.  I do find it ironic that as I am writing about my favorite father, the song “The Tracks of my Tears” by Johnny Rivers is playing.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Especially since I would never have heard of Johnny Rivers if it wasn’t for my old man.  

      Here’s what you need to take from this stuff that you just read.  This Iseki tractor is old enough that it doesn’t have a pile of electronics and emissions crap that keeps it from running.  A few tools and things will work.  Duke and I will be tilling some garden plots using this tractor.  Dad isn’t getting this tractor back as it will be better maintained and stored properly south of Fargo.  Daniel is well organized, I keep my stuff hid and Dad has his own methods.  And my Mom is hopefully praying for all of us.  If she’s not, whew, I’m in trouble.  

      And if you see me working on a goat in the near future and I, rather loudly utter the word, “ISEKI”, use ear muffs and walk on by.  Or when the kids ask, “What does Kelln mean when he yells ‘Iseki”?”   Just tell them, he means that everybody should be as lucky as he is and have a nice day.  

     Oh, one last thing.  I need to figure out a way to gather a nickel or a dime for everybody that will google “Iseki” after reading this.

    All righty now!  We need to throw this thing out like a first pitch.  It doesn’t matter if it is a strike, or one hopped to the plate or if it even gets to the plate.  No matter what, the first pitch needs thrown. And I’m throwin’ a heater right down the middle, belt high.  And you can’t hit it because I am right!  Here it is.  This whole parrot mouth deal in goats (and sheep) needs to be thrown out.  The over-bite is a thing to deal with in the purebred industry, NOT the market industry.  

Exhibit A in Johnson’s online buck sale.  “F4923 (This lamb has an overbite and will sell as is.)”  At this point of writing, the bid is currently at $115,500.  SIX FIGURES PLUS!!  Who says goat people are retarded?

Exhibit B is Irene, the world record selling doe kid.  WAY parrot mouth.  And all she has done is make Milligan money and a couple of bucks like Batman and Joker.  

Exhibit C–It is a Capitalst society that we live in.  Let the bidders determine the market and obviously an over-bite/parrot mouth is NOT an issue in the real world.  I am a HUGE believer in the purebreds setting standards and KEEPING those standards.  But, for the rest of us that like to cash a check and hang a banner, forget about it.  All I know is that I will not be struck out on grabbing a great one because the bottom jaw is not correct.  

DISCLAIMER–If you are a judge and an unfortunate reader of this stuff, trust me when I say that myself or those who show with us, will not/ nor have not been upset if you beat a doe because she was parrot mouthed.  We expected it going in to the show.  But, going forward, if not an ABGA show, don’t look at mouths.  Plus, the shows go faster when judges don’t look at mouths.  

Whew!! What a sale?  The “cheap” one cost over $14,000.  As a buyer, you have to wonder what is wrong with this one.  Is he only half as good as the others?  Is there a $100,000 difference between this one and the parrot mouth sheep?  WOW!!

     I did find humour in the fact that this high $ ram is sired by Dirty Banana.  I remember a story about a guy, a banana Halloween costume, but it turned out to be a mustard bottle.  Not a retarded banana.  I apologize.  

     Speaking of first pitches.  It’s kind of fun listening to these Okie doe showers trying to decide whether to shear their does or not for this new OYE wether dam show.  Somebody has to hit a home run–nut up and slick ’em.  Unless, of course, you’ve got something to hide.

      And another first pitch.  I watched an online “hair” sheep online sale tonight.  These deals looked a bit different.  And they sold well.  I think I’ll just stand here and take a pitch.  Ball one.  The next one may get thrown right past me. 

       Sometimes, and only sometimes, I read these things before I hit SUBMIT POST.  I’m retarded.  OH! OH!  Speaking of hitting a home run.  I hit one early this morning.  I had a first time doe due last Thrusday.  She hadn’t gone.  Wasn’t looking like she going to drop just any day.  I checked last night, then said “Not tonight.”  Sure enough.  Early AM, she dropped twins.  We are all aware that if a doe can’t raise kids on her own then I won’t keep her.  This momma gets to stay.  Unassisted, cleaned and nursing.  Of course, they were twin doe kids.  But that is fine on this deal.  These are Joe Dirt x RainMan/K9 doe kids.  They probably won’t be for sale.  Of course, twin doe kids is kind of an inside-the-park-homer.