I’m not even sure what, when or how the addition of “step” came to being.  Why not extra-brother or added-sister?  Stupid, I know.  But why step?  Step? It doesn’t even flow.  

     Oddly enough, the whole “step” deal got to whirling through my skull as a result of a recent conversation with one of my best friends, John Schoenhals  (said Shane-halls)  Yeah, practice spelling that name.  Effed up German names like Kelln, Schoenhals, Helfenbein and Pshigoda contributed to me never winning a spelling bee.  We grew up together in Shattuck America.  He was scholarly and athletic.  I was not.  Although, we both share an identical ACT score on the exact same day–but I didn’t use a calculator.  He grew up a fan of UO.  (his dad actually played for the sooners in the late 50’s).  I like orange.  He started college at uo then ended up orange.  We were room-mates and graduated from OSU.  He lives in a large urban area–Phoenix.  I live near Fargo, OK. Not urban. He understands agriculture.  I live it.  My kids are grown.  His boys are in their teens.  He enjoyed listening to stories of Tammy and I raising kids.  Now, Tammy and I enjoy listening to stories of their kids.  His parents and my parents get along well.  So, about once or twice a year, we all get together and share some stories, some food and maybe a dang good beverage or three.  He attends the Arizona National Livestock Show whenever we are there.  Good bud!

       Anyways, he was recently telling about a trial and tribulation of his youngest son.  Good kid that said something wrong at school.  He got suspended for a couple of days.  In the conversation about kids will be kids, he mentioned a website that his boy had found.  I googled it.  Oh snap!!  Step this, step that, step RU kidding me?  How did the “step” term take this form?  I don’t know and I do know that it should not be in that form.

       I, nor my brothers, have a step parent, step brother or step sister.  Huge congrats to our parents for pulling this deal off!  We did, however, have a step grandpa.  And all of the grandkids called him “Pa”.  In a way, for some cousins, he took the place of our Grandpa Kelln.  Thanks to my dad, all three of us boys stayed in contact with Grandpa Kelln.  So, with Pa, we got a bonus grandpa.  How bad ass is that?  Three grandpas.  You damn right!  Yet, to our cousins, Pa was their grand-dad.  Period.  He served the role and regardless of genetics, he was THE grandpa and a strong male presence in their lives.  Irreplaceable.  He didn’t have kids of his own and he did not have to do the job.  Yet, he owned it.  

       Side story–Pa was Samuel K. Barton, attorney-at-law.  His business cards had the motto: “Defend the innocent, prosecute the guilty and protect the widows and orphans.”  He truly lived this credo.  Seriously and literally.  As a teenager, I had to go pickup some pigs on occasion, dairy bottle calves another and shoveled a pickup bed trailer full of wheat seed on another occasion.  These were all payments for legal fees.  This dude won some large cases that changed laws about land owner rights, specifically dealing with mineral rights and damages.  Seriously!  Although he never saw the monetary windfall from his legal battles, his people enjoyed the benefits.  Yet, he was fine getting paid in chickens, pigs, calves or seed.  When I was 12 years old, a friend of Pa brought by a Christmas present.  I opened the door and watched the guy carry in the wrapped offering.  It was supposedly a gag gift.  Yet, once I laid my own eyes on it, it became a credo.  It was “just” a glazed piece of dried cow turd.  That’s it.  A dried cow patty that was painted with a clear coat and then they had glued a pen holder to the top of the cow patty.  Yet, it had a little, crappy brass plate that read, “If you can’t dazzle ’em with diamonds, baffle ’em with bullshit.”  

Now, with that saying, I have exposed the basis of this blog as well as most of my teaching strategies.  I am capable of both.  Dazzle or BS.  

       When Pa passed away, Granny asked if there was anything of his that I wanted.  Ooumph!!  He had several guns, two purple hearts from WWII and that piece of shit.  Being the oldest grandchild, I felt that I might have a chance at this family heirloom.  Too late.  Between Pa having 12 brothers and sisters, somebody else already had it.  I’ve thought of re-creating this piece of artistic and motivational piece of crap but no.  Not yet.  The original is all that matters.  Just as Pa was an original.  He never had any kids of his own.  Yet, he had a BUNCH of grandkids and great grandkids.  Step-granddad only by name.  Not by actions.  

       Let’s change over to Tammy’s family.  At this point, Tammy’s mom is cringing at what I might type.  No need.  The wurst (I like wurst) thing that I will write is there are numerous opportunities for that “step” title.  But here we go.  

      Tammy has a half-brother.  Bull $h!t.  Half– my ass!!!  Those two are damn sure FULL brother and sister.  One only has to deal with them to quickly realize this fact.  Yet, the wicked awesome cool fact is that even though they truly do share different sires, ALL aspects of the family get along and include each other despite some genetic differences.  

        I would like to tell you the fact that Tammy has a “step” dad.  But that would not be a true statement.  Factual or not, Tammy does not have a step dad.  Once again, the step title is Bull $h!t.  He may not be her biological father, but Darrell Gunsaulis is, has been and will forevermore be Tammy’s DAD!  Better yet, I’m really not sure if Kela (age 31) or Duke (age 20) even know that, well, technically, that they have a step……..not even going to type the rest of it.  That dude is our kids Granddad as he is for all the other grandkids as well! Period!!  He earned the title and he will retain the title.  And as a bonus, my parents and Tammy’s parents get along.  Which means that our kids have always had FOUR grandparents at EVERY event. 

       And technically, genetically, whatever, Tammy has a step brother and a step sister. Once again, although factually correct, NOT true when you watch the family get-togethers. 

 Stopping.  Have a good one.  

        I finally got sleepy and stepped away from the keyboard for a minute.  Woke up a couple of hours later. 

My point about the “step” title is that there is no need for the addition of that word to a name.  Blood or not, people can still be family.  Our family has been very fortunate.  I hope yours has as well.

       How can a post about step family NOT include a comment about the great movie Step Brothers?  That movie is so funny yet so wrong.  

Prestige Worldwide.