F&P was a common nickname given to a dude named Frank Powell. Yes, those were his initials but the letter F was a valuable component to his vocabulary. He never meant anything negative by it. However, the “F” word was a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, everything that it could possibly be used for. Those in the hog world knew Frank. He was a gruff guy but he would do anything to help a kid. They had some success over the years, especially with spotted hogs. His daughter Rhylli showed some nice wethers making premium sales at Enid District and Tulsa State Fair.
Now, I am going to try to keep this story as clean as possible. But no matter, this is a TRUE story. You couldn’t make it up.
Circa September 2006. Major County Fairgrounds in Fairview, OK. The heavyweight crossbred barrow class is being shown. There is a crew of livestock experts watching this class. Frank Powell, Fred Slater and Randy Pullan are lined up at the entry gate to the ring. There are about 15 barrows in the class. I came walking up to see how close we are to needing to bring the breed champion barrows for the grand drive. I slide in between Frank and Fred. I survey the class and look at Frank’s son Barrett. He is driving a really good blue-butt barrow that should easily win this class and probably the show. Barrett drives the barrow past the judge and then makes the corner right in front of us. I take a look at this fine porcine animal as he begins to drive away from us. I notice something odd about his butt-hole (the pig’s hole). I asked Frank, “Dude, what’s coming out of your pigs butt?” In Frank lingo, he replied, “It’s just a Fing wood chip stuck to his Fing butthole.”
Now Barrett guided this barrow around the ring and made a pass in front of us. NOW, the “thing” is sticking out of the butt farther. OH MY!!! I can see what it is. I said, “Frank, that ain’t no wood chip on that pig’s butt. That’s a condom coming OUT of his butt!”
Frank dropped a F bomb or twelve and motioned to Barrett to take his brush and try to wipe it off. Barrett shrugged and looked at him like WTH? Pullan and Slater are now seeing this as well. Of course, I can’t keep my mouth shut. Lots of commentary was now taking place.
The judge, oh, the judge, just happened to be Tom Lamle. He was sorting the class bottom up and this big blue barrow was getting ready to win this class….easily. The judge went to the mic and Barrett navigated his barrow right in front of the judge which was also right in front of Pullan, Frank, Fred and myself. As Barrett turned the pig away to offer up an impressive rear view of hams and yes, a condom coming out of the pig’s butt, the judge began to comment, “I’m going to use this young man’s barrooooow to win this, oh my…this class.” At this point, the condom came out of the hog and landed on the wood chips…….reservoir tip pointing up. I’m dying!!!! Frank said one word!
Now to clarify, the Powell’s kept their hogs at the Ringwood School Farm. I’m betting that some of the local high school students used this location as a prime parking spot, er, ah….breeding grounds. I’m guessing that the condom got tossed into the pig pen and the barrow ate it. And then passed it, uh, while we were watching him show.
To be honest, there was a lot of commentary that I just can’t write on here. Use your imagination. The following week, at the State Fair, while Frank was at lunch, there may have been a crew that filled his show box with rubbers. Troy B may know about that. Maybe not.
In closing, this is the ONLY time that I have witnessed an animal be named grand champion shortly after crapping out a condom.
RIP Frank Powell. Condolences to the family. Good people.
Kelln, long time reader, first time responder. This has got to be the best of what have been a helluva lot of good posts. Keep this crap coming!
Some day we have to meet, we might be dopplegangers, but we don’t look alike. I’m a hair younger than you, but judged in college, taught ag a few years, sold john deere quite a while, but now I’m a banker. I love great food, great music (play a little), great stock and great kids. Oh, live in SW MO. My kids show everything but cattle, but are getting to the end of it. We probably know a few of the same folks.
Anyway keep this deal going. It’s wicked awesome.
Matt Brown
417-214-5301