Real but not quite right

I constantly get asked, “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

I don’t look for it.  The only problem I have is editing this deal.  It is hard to put the real deals on here.

You see, I learned years ago, that there are students, kids, moms, etc. that read this deal.  And as such, I have tried to keep it clean.  That part is a struggle.  The problem is REAL.

To preface this post, all things are factual.  Some of the most twisted people that I have ever met are in the stock show game.  They also just happen to be some of the best people that I have ever met and will do anything to help a kid or another family.  After typing those last two sentences, I now realize why I like these people.

Today, in class, we had a dress-code violation.  I had a young man wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  It was grade day with a cutting torch.  He knew it and didn’t come dressed to work.  No problem!  I have a bunch of FR overalls from Cudd Pressure Control.  Pull those on and go to work.

Eenhh!?!?   Little bit of a problem.  This “boy” is 6’4″ x 300.  Not fat.  Just a little above average size lad.  No, he doesn’t play football.

“Boss, you serious?”

YEAH!! I told you to come dressed to work!

One thing led to another.  He pulled the jumpsuit on.  It was a tight fit.  It was tighter than I thought it would be.  He did not look comfortable.  But he was covered safely.  A couple of kids offered him $5 to model the outfit to the group in the classroom.  He took them up on it.  They paid him.  There might have been some Tommy Boy references.  He was a great sport about it.  He collected $5 and a bunch of respect for owning it.

Then, he went out and cut a 4″ piece of 1/4″ plate.  We scored it a 92.  Better yet, he then worked right alongside me as we helped a special needs student that wanted to learn how to light a torch.  I literally watched as this kid made friends by owning his dilemma.  He then made good by earning a solid grade.  Win-Win.

I also have him in class after lunch.  At lunch break, he went home and got jeans.  Now, he was in a class…. with a bunch of jocks.  They had heard the story. They wanted to see the picture.  I asked his permission.  He proudly said to show it.  Lots of laughs.  No bullying.  He was 6’4″ before, now he was standing 7′ as he had helped another kid.  And he had scored as good or better than some “jocks”.  All while wearing a deal that just didn’t fit.  Everybody worked hard.  He will come dressed to kill from now on.

If you’ve ever been one of the simple-minded sumbitches that think that I only want to win banners….well, hell… would be absolutlety INcorrect!   But, you would still be right… as I will work to make sure that kid and those others have something to show for their effort.  Not for me.  I don’t need another banner.  But as long as they have lines on Resumes, Scholarships  and Job Apps, why would I not make sure a kid can find success.  If a kid finds success, regardless of the field of expertise, then we all win.  Only lazy sunsabitches can argue this fact!  And if any of you want to know how this deal went down, just call my co-teacher.  She would love to bash me, yet can’t.  Ask her.

This is where one should stop reading.  Walk away.  STOP!!!  You’ve been warned.


As I told this story tonight to a neighbor/friend/parent, we got to laughing.  Somehow, the term “manscaping”  came up.  Growing up,  I knew of no such thing.  Then in the late ’80s.  I heard of a way to get rid of crabs.

For the record, I’ve never had “crabs”.  However, I was told of a way to rid ones-self of them.

–Shave half the bush.

–Hold an ice pick in one hand.

–Light fire to the existing bush.

–Stab the crabs as they come running out of the fire.


Stupid, yes.  But, you won’t have “crabs” and yet, you will have other problems.  Just this week, the Shattuck native that told me this remedy, passed away.


Now, back to the original story.  As I told the earlier story, I was asked the question. “Have you ever heard of anybody manscaping while using scissors?”     WHAT?   NO!!  I have now. OWWW!!   U serious Clark?


I have enough trouble shearing a sheep with a 13 tooth blade.  Heck, back in the day–circa 1987?-I sheared a sheath off Jake’s sheep at the county fair.  I had to stand in the barn, holding a towel tightly to a sheep’s sheared off pecker sheath.  The whole county knew what had happened.  I had to own it.  Dad wasn’t there.  I did it.  Later, that night, Jake had the grand lamb.  (In today’s terms, that lamb would be tight sheathed.)


And how does this tie to a goat—who cares?!   All I know, is that every time that I have doctored for the “buck crud”, I think about that “crabs” story.  And as I am scraping crud off of a buck’s scrotum, I think of these twisted friends of mine……..


I just got done eating a plate of Blue & Gold bacon, some fresh eggs………it’s good now, but I CAN’T wait to tell you about tomorrow!!!!!!  It will be a brag.



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