One of my favorite responders to this blog is a western Kansan that goes by the name Jamie Kratzer. He has sent in requests, topics, replies, answers, questions, concerns, whatever……
There has been times that I hit submit and less than 2 minutes later…he responded. Although his blog reply took several days, I still like it.
Dude, it ain’t easy to type out some timely stuff for others to read. I get it, I like it and I respect the honesty with your reply.
Here you go with another friend that I have from this damn blog deal. Watch for more cool goats and wicked write ups from THE Kratzer.
As I finally sit down to complete my much-anticipated theme, I feel like Ralphie Parker trying to convince the world that I need a Red Rider Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. The pressure to perform is greater than 3-week-old CL cyst or an abscessed tooth for a CL free herd. I have been a long-time reader first time writer of Kelln’s blog. I have texted Kelln many a time after reading this blog; and I just imagine him looking at his phone and just rolling his eyes like a know it all teenage girl. As I spend my windshield time thinking about topics for when the day arrives that I am as worldly and well written as Kelln and have my own blog with a die hard following of half a dozen forty something livestock dudes. In the six months prior to September 28 I would say that I came up with 20 different topics that Kelln could think about for 10 minutes, eat a homemade Biscuit with honey, chase it with a frosty cold one, clean the honey out of the L key, and then write a 1500 word diatribe that will make you laugh, make you cry, or like David Cole-Things that make you go Hmmmmm.
Last Saturday morning after getting up from my blog reading chair I was as giddy as a schoolgirl preparing for a Sadie Hawkins dance. This was my chance to go big time! I texted Kelln and attached some stupid GIF the Google machine found for me dealing with writing a story 14.2 seconds after washed my hands and brushed my teeth. It was then, that exact moment I hit that little blue airplane; that started a sequence of cellular waves repeating off towers, bouncing from satellite to satellite, back to earth and landing on an iPhone just outside the Fargo metroplex. It was then all creativity and complete ideas left my brain.
For 4 days straight, partial ideas would pop into my head and would fizzle out like fuse on an ACME rocket strapped to Wil E Coyote’s back. One problem has been any goat related story has been done and done well. I have spent a decent portion of my career coaching people, challenging mangers to think outside the box. One thing I always tell people is to never reinvent the wheel, we can’t make it rounder. Much is the same with a goat parable. It most likely has already been written in the gospel according to Kelln. Now I suppose one could say, why not have another perspective on the ideas, events, or situations. It worked for Matthew, Luke, and John. (I feel Father Hackman looking down and saying, “I knew that narcoleptic altar boy was going to derail someday.” I had an issue falling asleep as an altar boy.) It worked for those guys back then because they didn’t have to compete with Netflix, Prime Video, HBO, ESPN, I could finish out my 1500 words with things available to distract us today. That’s why way back then 4 dudes telling the same stories in their own perspective worked and still does today. They are writers in the best-selling book of all time.
Then I thought about ranking movies, album covers, cover songs, (Blazing Saddles, Metallica Black Album, Dropkick Murphy’s -Amazing Grace). But those, once again, have been done and done well. Best place to get a fancy meal when your dressed up in Woodward, Damn it! Freddy’s, it been done! I could do Best Scotches, Japanese Whiskeys, Bourbons, and beers but you can type “What are the best ……in the world” into the Google machine and it will kick out 20-734 results of articles, lists etc. that are all mostly valid. Now if you want a list that would include the best Japanese whiskey that will help you to reveal to your boss and a customer or two that you had a .8 GPA for a quarter at The Ohio State University. I have that list, Number 1 –Yamazaki 12 year. The 18 year is good but the 12 is the most effective as a truth serum. I could continue the list for each of the categories but if I did someone would feel like they may need to do an intervention so I will stop with one.
I could keep trying to come up with topics that I could possibly ramble on for another 750 words and not do anyone any justice or I could come up with my own Kellnesque tag line to finish this thesis. But before I sign off, I want to thank Kelln for this opportunity and to thank him for continuing to post often relevant, heartwarming, truthful, opinionated, and most often darn funny blogs. I often give him hell for when he goes “radio silent” for a few days. Never again will I say anything. It took me 5 days to come up with this worthless dribble that I would like to call entertaining blog fodder. I also want to say that I agree with Kelln on a lot, especially with we need to support agriculture, especially animal agriculture since we are under the worst attack now. I think it is crazy to cram a bunch or crap and plant protein together and call it something reserved for ground Beef, turkey, pork, or hell even chicken. Back in my day, beef was the only thing in a burger, today I’m ok sharing that nomenclature with the other three mainstream animal proteins. But I will never agree to call something plant based anything other than a side or a salad. Burger King can take the product they are pushing and shove it elsewhere. All the chains either have a similar product or will, I get it. They have chosen to go all in on this inferior product after building their empire on the back of the beef industry and I don’t agree with it. I’ll never try one and I don’t feel my kids are in any hurry to grab a compressed and processed salad on a bun either. As people in agriculture we must share our stories and get the truth out there. One of the best ways is through kids as Kelln is doing. Each one of them are their own social media influencer and if they are hooked up and involved in agriculture it helps everyone in the end.
So, in closing, have a good one and a better…crap! That’s been used!! This is Walter Cronkite signing o…. NOPE. I AM OUTTA HERE…no to Dennis Miller. Bdee Bdeee Bdee That’s All Folks! Happy Trails….. I just can’t come up with an original closing line. Goodnight Gracie”
If you haven’t met Kratzer, well, you need to. Thanks for sending this and ALL of the other texts, emails, calls, etc. Better yet, I am pleased to have made another friend. There isn’t very many of us that can rock camo shorts. Especially, the low rent kind.
I recently made it to KC. Way cool trip! I had a great chat with Clark Fledderjohan. Talked to some other cool goaters. Next blog or two.
Thank you and have a good one.