Author Archive for Kelln


      Been burning up the road a bit here the past week or so.  That means lots of radio time.  One of the radio stations had an ad about some cat website.  They offered up the fact that “more than 1/2 of all cats in the U.S. never see a vet.”  They acted like this was an alarmingly high #.  I was like “Seriously, I would never take a cat to the vet.”   Of course, I have never paid money for a cat and I don’t want a pet cat either. 

      Now, I personally think all farmsteads should have a cat or 3.   Around here, we prescribe to the cat management program of “We’ve got a badass barn cat that we sometimes see and unless I found him dead, I wouldn’t know that he was dead.  And as long as I don’t have a mouse or rat problem, I’m not looking for a new cat.”  And when we need a new cat, we will either get a free set from friends or I will get on tradio and find some “free to a good home” kind of deal.  

        However, if I raised $30K cats.  I would take a cat to a vet.  A feline vet specialist to be exact.  

       Today, while driving back to OKC for the State Fair livestock judging contest, I had the opportunity to listen to the morning show on the KATT rock 100.5 with Rick & Brad.  I reluctantly changed the channel when the Rick & Brad Theatre was getting ready to air.  Young ears.  But, we did listen to a news report that aired on KFOR channel 4 last night about some lady that grabbed a bag of pizza rolls in the freezer section and realized that it had “BLEEEP” on it.  Somebody “BLEEPING BLEEEPED” on that bag of pizza rolls.  Excuse my language but somebody had “BLEEEPED” on the pizza rolls!”   Seriously!?!?  Look it up.  It’s seriously a real deal.  

Disturbing discovery in an Oklahoma grocery store freezer left one woman disgusted and nearly in tears.  

     What kind of drug makes some dude hunker down in the frozen food section and drop tootsie rolls on the pizza rolls?  Seriously!  After watching security tape, they have arrested a dude.  This needs to be labeled as a violent crime.  I seriously feel for the lady.  

      I can deal with feces from most animals.  For the most part, dealing with goat crap is not that bad of a deal.  Unlike poo from the porcine species.  Human excrement is seriously something that I don’t want no part of.  I’ll wipe my own rear and I’m done. 

This brings up the question– what is the worst type of poo to deal with?


Come on.  

Cat crap!!!!   I’m serious.  It’s so nasty, the good LORD taught that animal to cover it up.  


     All righty Joey Scott.   Go ahead and start playing some Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Yeah, that song….. That Smell.  

“Oohh that smell.  Can’t you smell that smell?”

       I don’t have any smoke, no coke and not even the smell of whiskey around here on this fine night.  So the song title is really all that applies here.  

Name your favorite smells. 

–Fresh cut alfalfa has to be near the top.  Even a freshly stacked barn of alfalfa has that smell.  Unless you are allergic to it.  Then it smells good right up until you can’t breathe.  At least that’s what I’ve been told.  I’m not allergic to the stuff.

–Some love the smell of fresh tilled Earth.  I get it but I won’t rank it at the top.

–The Dragon Lady has the entry of water being sprayed on fresh Basil.  Hard to argue that one.  

–Apple cider warming on the stove.  Especially Dicken’s cider.  

–Bacon frying or spare ribs coming off a smoker.  Basically, cooked pig always smells wicked good. 

–Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t pop the lid off of a brand new Sharpie without taking a sniff of it.  

–Anyone up for smelling some Silage?  No?  Just me?  

–The aroma of the first slice of a freshly baked loaf of bread.

–the last hour of a home raised mini-herf being slow-cooked as a roast beef with taters, carrots, a few onions and spices.  Roast beef dinner smells SOOOOO good! 

Agriculture tends to cover all spectrums of the smell chart.  Some of the best smells to some of the worst.  Wet wool has to be one of the worst.  Buck goat aroma might be THE worst.  Hog crap is brutal.  

       Time for me to go find a bottle of pure Vanilla, a sharpie and hit the hay.  


       Another Ellis County Fair is in the books.  This is a low stress deal as we don’t show many animals at this fair.  Between a football game, softball tournament, no money in it, some kids sick and some hurt, we just don’t hit it hard this time of year.  Now, we have 120 students that enter some sort of project in the fair.  And the Shattuck kids run the concession stand.  Although not a large fair, our kids actively participate. 

      We actually upgraded the livestock judging contest this year as we used scantrons to score via judgingcard.  As most contests now use scantrons, clipboards are becoming a requirement.  Keeping kids from folding the scantrons is a priority.  

       A bouncy ball bucking bull contest was added the past couple of years for little kids.  Yet, several of us adults were guilted into a treat for the spectators.  Four grown men on the little kids bouncing ball bucking bulls.  Yes, there is video of it.  Lot of cheating in this contest, yet I stayed clean and managed to win this event.  

      Sounds like the Kansas State Fair goat show was pretty tough on the top end.  Congrats to the Kratzer crew on their 3rd overall wether.  


      There are always causes that need support.  Of course, I’m always a supporter of just about anything FFA/4H.  I’m also a supporter of most things agriculture.  But there is a cause that needs your support.  The L.G.B.T.Q.  

      Sure, this isn’t a brand new cause.  It’s been around since January.  But there is proof that we need to back it and support it.   It is time that our nation unite and support this cause.  

L.G.B.T.Q.   Let’s Get Biden To Quit!   L.G.B.T.Q.  Let’s Get Biden To Quit!

      Now, wait just a minute.  Before any of you get your panties twisted up.  Let’s remember that there were groups calling for Trump to die.  I simply just don’t want your current president to stay in office.  I didn’t want him to begin with and he has done nothing to change my mind.  I would like for him to quit and just retire.  However, I am scared of the puppet masters that are pulling his strings behind the scenes.  If I offended any actual lgbtq, so what.  I know some L, I’m pretty sure that I know some G, I maybe know some B.  Don’t know any T (that I know of, although it would explain some things about one or two people in the goat industry) and I’m not sure if I know any Q.  Wait!?  Somebody tell me the difference between G and Q.   ?  Maybe, I know some Q but not the G.  

       Anybody that truly knows me understands that I really don’t give a warthogs bumpy ass how you identify.  Be the best you and don’t tell me how to live or what to believe.  I always respect work ethic and how one treats other people.  I don’t have to agree but I can understand differences and respect positive attributes.  Tammy is Baptist and I am Catholic.  Oddly, however, she is an outstanding dancer and me, I’m more of a stumbler.  

     This acronym isn’t even my original idea.  I saw it on a suburban window on I 35 south of Kansas City a month ago.  Then, a parent recently texted me that her daughter truly thought LGBTQ stood for Lets Get Biden To Quit.  

      An acronym is what you make of it.  Seriously.  For example.  Take OSU.  In Oklahoma, when one hears OSU, this means the 2nd best college football team that also has cool uniforms.  However, it is the team/school that I choose to support.  For the rest of the nation, including Oregon, OSU means Ohio State University.  Yet, in all seriousness, Oklahoma State University, Oregon State University and Ohio State University should not be judged by their football teams.  All are high quality learning institutions.  The football teams, however, each have a different story.

       I have repeatedly been in favor of term limits.  I never wanted some 40 year professional politician to be our POTUS.  But, he is.  I didn’t vote for him.  And I don’t like how he came into office.  But like you, I don’t know what to do about it.  Heck, I don’t even know how to L.G.B.T.Q.  Either form of the acronym.  I digress a bit.  I might relate to the Matthew Modine cowboy video.  

      On a positive note about your POTUS.  At least his people recently released a statement regarding the fact that “the BIG 4 meat processors are not playing fair.”  No shit!!  Do something about it.  

       Best Matthew Modine movie?    Can’t go wrong with Full Metal Jacket.  Popular choice.  But I will take Vision Quest.  If I still had the ’93 Chevy van, then I could pop that tape into the vhs player and watch it.  Oh well.  Unlike your president, I have memories.  



          On this day, I find it harder and harder to stumble over to the keyboard.  One, I don’t like typing on a laptop.  Which brings us to Two–I don’t want to buy a new computer.  Combined with crappy internet service in rural OK, typing a blog is a chore, not a pleasure.  Sometimes, however, I do miss the honey-stuck keys of the Mac.  

       In a repeat of last year, I did haul an ass-load of pizzas for the Shattuck homecoming games.  This year, 130 to be exact.  Last year was 125–INSIDE a suburban.  But, we got more edumacated this time.  We took 2 vehicles.  Pickups that had bed covers on them.  I stacked 130 in the bed of one pickup–not mine.  And 20 in the other.  So, yeah, 150 total.  

       Also today.  Duke sent a text to Tammy & I.   Mind you, he was almost 400 feet in the air atop a wind turbine.  He was somewhere in the Greater Snyder, TX area.  

“Currently have a birds eye view of some folks moving cows with a helicopter.”

Then he sent video with the caption “Probably the most Texan thing you’ll see today.”  COOL! 

     Now…if I had been that high in the air, looking down on a flying helicopter, I would have NOT been shooting video or texting.  I would be trying to keep from shatting myself as I held on tight and prayed a lot!! 

      Speaking of praying.  I know a lot of you readers think that I only use this four letter word–BLOG–to bash some stuff.  Not true.  In the past 11 months, I have only bashed 6 different entities–one shitty judge, two BS artists, a cheater, a group that needs to do better for OK ag teachers and YOUR shitty government group.  Wait?  I only called out one entity–they all group together. 

       I didn’t vote for any that are in office BUT I guess that they are yours, mine, ours–whatever.  They suck but I guess they own all of us.  Hunh?  Wait a minute.  Shouldn’t we own them?   Both groups that need to do better are tax payer funded.  Isn’t that ironic?  STOP!   Sometimes, it’s easy to tell when I’m getting ready to get de-railed.  

       Let me get back on focus.  Praying.  Do it.  Whatever in life is going on with you, do it.  Now, it is a personal belief to not waste a prayer on some something as trivial as a stock show or ball game.  Why?  Because in reality, a stock show/ball game don’t matter.  Pray for the people in those events but not for a win or a loss.  Maybe just another personal belief, but do NOT waste a prayer (praying for stock shows/ball games would be a waste).  Instead, pray for the journey and more importantly pray for the opportunity to take that journey.  MOST importantly, pray for those people that are taking THAT journey.  Whatever that journey may be.  And believe you me, not all journeys are fun nor photogenic.  

       I truly do not give a rat’s ass what religion you prescribe to.  Once, you get done reading this, or bookface, or twitter or the Chive, whatever.   Stop and say a prayer for whomever you see fit.  Family, friends, co-workers, our nation, somebody in need, whomever.  Better yet, before you log on to any type of social media, say a prayer for yourself and others, then read something.  Then stop and pray some more.  Short prayers.  Pray for your goats, your livestock, your crops, your job, your spouse, your kids, your friends, etc.  When should you pray?  Today.  And tomorrow.  Which when tomorrow comes, it will be today.  So, always, pray today.  

        And as you read this stuff, know this.  I’m in a good place mentally.  Really good.  As in the past year, it will take something really stupid to bring out the bash.  But I’m older, maybe fatter than I used to be and maybe just a bit more of a realist.  I know who I am and I know my place.  However, I know lots of people that need prayers and a multitude more that will attest to the power of prayer. 

Tell me I’m wrong.  As usual, I’m right.  

And to answer any questions—the answer is NO.  I am not starting a cult.  I have no chance to become the POPE.  My religious beliefs have not changed.  I just know what I know.  Tomorrow as well as today. 



       The Fiesta is getting ready to happen.  I thought about going…..but…….then I changed my mind.  I would like to see some old timers like Bob Allen and Ralph Shafer.  I wouldn’t mind making a trip but they are only selling does at the Fiesta and I don’t like doe goats.  Therefore, I’m keeping my ass at home.  

       Recently, I did have a thought that made me shudder.  I was thinking about purchasing a set of heifers that are ready to breed.  I could buy them, turn them in with a bull in a couple of months and calve them out next August.  And then I would be selling calves out of them in 2023.  Dang!!  That’s a long time to get a return.  And then my next thought was… Now, if I bought some does, I could get them bred and be selling goats next summer.  Wait?  Oooohhh!!  Bad thoughts!!!!

       I did order some torsion axles for a project.  Now that is really scary.  Those prices are higher than balls on a giraffe.

         Recently, I’ve listened to some guys talk about how their wife can’t cook.  I’m lucky in that regard.  The Dragon Lady learned to become an outstanding cook.  However, I remember a conversation from a few decades ago.

A family in Waynoka was BSing and sharing some beverages.  There was a group of brothers and their wives.  This group of sister-in-laws were picking on one particular SIL.  They were giving her crap about not being a good cook.  She was taking the ribbing pretty well.  But they kept on.  At this point, the lady said “Listen!  When I married this guy, I told him that I could be good in any room in the house.  And he didn’t pick the kitchen or the laundry room.”  WHAM!!!  The women shut up and all of us guys were like “HHHMMM!!”  Well played.  

        I bet when he had to pick which room, he was thinking “Hell, I can eat sandwiches and my clothes don’t need ironed.”

      Right now, some of you guys are thinking “Our house is really clean.”  Or “My wife is a really good cook.”  Maybe even thinking, “We have a really clean house with a good dinner every night and the clothes are always clean but..”   And yet, there are some ladies thinking “This IS my domain and I can handle every room in it!”  


Have a good one.  Heck, it’s Friday evening.  Have a great one.  I feel like getting kicked by a mule or 3.  


        It is time for me to quit using a laptop.  


      I’ve had an interesting week.  There are just some things that you can not prepare nor plan for.  I had an interesting talk about AIing goats with one of the best goat ladies in the business.  She was talking about putting a speculum in a doe and in order to try to look through it and see the cervix, she was twisting the tube and well, the twisting motion must have been stimulating the doe and the cervix opened up as she was trying to find it.  As she said, “It became very visible and very open.”  Maybe she discovered a new technique to higher conception rates?!

         On Friday night, I was giving a few clipping pointers to a goat mom that was trying her hand at clipping for the first time.  There is only one way to learn to clip an animal and that is by grabbing a set of clippers and “Damn!  I don’t want to make that mistake again.”

        Anyways, she was trying to blend the neck into the top of the shoulders of a doe kid.  I told her that might be the worst part of clipping.  I then showed her how to stretch the neck and pull the wrinkle out of the hide at the neck/shoulder juncture.  She then said, “Oh! I get it.  It’s like dealing with an uncircumcised penis.”  

Bedeep.  Bedeep.  What?  Rusm?!   

I looked at her husband, then my wife and then said, “I guess so.  I wouldn’t know.”  Of course, there were lots of smart ass comments the rest of the evening.  On a positive note, she didn’t do a bad job clipping does for her first time.  

        Speaking of dealing with goats.  I listened to Bob Seelke describing a recent hoof trimming on a buck.  The buck head butted him and then kicked him in the cod sack.  One really needs to listen to Bob to get the full effect of the story.  

      On a non-goat note.  My brother-in-law Todd occasionally calls me with a story.  As he calls it–A kid brag.  I like these calls.  A person needs to be able to brag about a kid without the world judging them for being proud.  Earlier this summer, I wrote about his daughter that graduated from OSU vet med school.  She is now a practicing vet in Spearman, TX.  His kid brag was the fact that she just paid off her student loans.  People, in today’s world, that is big damn news.  THREE months after graduation and she has her debt at zero.  That means that she had lots of scholarships AND lots of work while in school and planning to get it paid off quick.  In a current society that is wanting debt forgiveness and then this girl already has her undergrad AND doctorate schooling paid smooth off.  Great job Mattie!!

      Pray for the people of Louisiana and the families of people stuck in Afghanistan.   All of us Americans need to pray for our country.  We have got the dumbest bunch of crooked assholes in office in Washington D.C.  I don’t care what political party you favor.  This group of retards in D.C. are so crooked and so moronic that it stinks.  And we are sitting here taking it.  Pay your taxes and assume the position.  Term limits and clean that place.  Every office.  Every state.  Every level.  

Have a good one.  


Thoughts–I’m Old!!

     This afternoon, I had been checking some student projects, driving and thinking.  As I pulled back into the house, the Dragon Lady was placing a sprinkler in the front yard.  One of those little sprinklers that just shoots a cone of water up & into the air.  No moving parts.  This provoked numerous thoughts through my skull. 

     First, I wish that I had been the one to patent such a simple thought and simple tool.  

     Second, this has been an abnormally moist summer in NW OK.  She hasn’t had to run a sprinkler much, if at all.  In the garden, yes.  But, the buffalo grass lawn has managed to stay green all summer and here we are nearing the end of August.  

      And third, I remember being at a goat sale in June of 2011.  It was HOT!!!   WAY effing hot!   It was in Junction, TX at the fairgrounds.  Corrugated tin roof on top of the fairgrounds.  I don’t remember the exact temperature but it was well over 110 degrees F.  And the F stood for effing HOT!   They had placed two of those cone shaped sprinklers on top of the tin roof and was just letting the water run.  Anything helps.  Mikey Thompson, Allan Poe, Braden Schovanec and myself rolled into this set of goats and started perusing the offering.  Mikey asked what I thought of the set.  I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and said, “I’m buying 1 and done.” 

He said, “There is one that you want or there is just one worth buying?” 

 I said, “I’m buying 1 and I AM DONE!”   He said. “Lot 1?”    I replied, “Yes, lot 1.  He’s good enough to win a division at Tulsa.”

      The auction started.  I had my running shoes on and was planning on having to spend some jack for this wether.  I also had sweat running in my eyes and down the crack of my butt.   The bidding on lot 1 started and I waited to bid.  The bids stalled at $700.  I bid, then bid, then bid and then bid until I had bought lot 1.  For $1,300.  I watched the sale until lot 4 sold and then I paid out and went to my pickup and sat in the AC.  It wasn’t long until the rest joined me in the pickup.  I should have stayed hooked on lot 4 a bit longer.  But the heat was clouding my judgement.  I bought what I wanted and I was done.  I made Braden go load the goat. 

      Lot 1 was the first Yogi kid ever born.  He was a bit big for the sale offering as he was a Feb. born wether at a June sale.  He wasn’t cute at that time and he was also a bit skinny but the parts were there.  That goat did go on to win a division at Tulsa.  And also, be named the grand wether at Tulsa 2011 for Halie Schovanec.  Yes, a decade ago.  Lot 4 was bought by some dude named Glen.  That goat went on to be grand or reserve at KC that year.  I always liked feeding a Bob Allen goat or two.  I’m not alone.  Just a random memory triggered by a sprinkler.  

      Back then, good genetics combined with a proper feed program and a stellar showman is how banners were hung.  Now, hell, I’ll be honest.  It’s been a couple of years since I fought the good fight OR hung a big banner.  I’ve just been in ag teaching mode.  I will tell you this—the ag teacher waters (not a parent who is also an ag teacher route) are way safer, cheaper and morally easier to navigate than the hyper-competitive, breeder, jock, parent waters that currently reside in today’s major show rings.  Actually, that statement is wrong.  These waters are harder if trying to be successful in the show ring.   

      Recently, I was discussing goals with a stock show family.  I had a parent ask me what it took to win a major show today.  I truly answered, I’m not sure.  Their next question staggered me but made me think.

      “Is the quality of animal as important as who the breeder/fitter is behind it?”  I answered that depends on who is judging.  I’m not wrong with this assessment.  

      Then they asked this.  “Is it more important to have the right air pump, feed additives or a social media presence with a given animal and showman?”   Uhh, ooff, I got nothing.  

      This dad continued, “I trust your judgement of livestock and ability to feed any animal.  But, I’m afraid that there is more to it and I don’t want my kid(s) to be a part of the extra-curriculars.”  Dude, I get it.  Neither do I. 

      Damn!!!   These questions are getting harder to answer.  

      I don’t know of a simple way to fix all the problems.  The quickest way to fix it–simple.  Get some LIVESTOCK judges with balls.  Doesn’t matter if they are male or female.  Get some judges that like good stock, not counterfeit, no politics and that’s it!!  

      I only know how we will feed goats in Shattuck.  Which means nothing in the rest of the world.  We will feed and show for Woodward District.  That is our main objective.  Budgets, study genetics, proper feeding and try to out-show the others.  That’s it.  We will get along.  Some years better than others.  Like Buckwheat says, “It will be O-TAY!!      OYE?  Well as much as I have loved watching our kids/friends/students in that grand drive, as an ag teacher and a has-been, I guess we will just stick to our guns and hope for the best.  It is what it is.  

      I’m not bitching, whining or complaining.  I’m just stating real world statements about the show industry.  You can say that I am old, out of touch or past my prime.  You would be mostly correct.  But at least we had a prime and our prime lasted for more than a decade and most likely was better than any of your prime.  OOOHHH!!!!  I can sense the hostility inside me starting to boil.  Turn the burner down.  No matter what you think of me, I do have my finger on the pulse of the general public.  And even though, all of us in the industry want to know about the high $ ones and the winners, the general public is who buys 90% PLUS of all show stock.  They are the $200 to $2,000 market.  If you lose that market…….only a breeder will understand that value.  They pay the bills.  The Lamborghini buyers make it fun. 

       In other words, our system is upside down.  Much like our government.  The breeders/fitters/judges worry about the high end market.  Yet, the majority of the market is funded by blue collar people with a budget.  Sure, there are exceptions.  

      Basically, we just need a sprinkler to wash away the old and bring some new life into the system.  I’m just not sure that we have good enough sprinklers.  So, I will just be happy and keep on keeping on.  Cheers!  And have a good one.  If any of this offends you, so what.  I’m right.  

     Sometimes, I write too much.  Other times, not enough.  Not sure where tonight lands.  Don’t care.  It can be hazardous trying to worry about crossing a line.  But, it’s like she said, “Turn the damn music down!”   And that is how to know when it’s done.  


Part 2–more BS

        I don’t even want to be a part of any of these goat discussions but like a great Whitesnake song–“Here I go Again!”   

       I do not know everything about the goat industry.  I know more than most but not as much as a couple of others.  I have been around and been associated with “In Demand” goats.  900, Freaky, 191 and Rumour Has It to name a few.  Let’s take Rumour Has It for example.  Rumour sired two reserve grands at OYE and a bronze at OYE.  He sired lots of other winners.  He sired his share of $10K+  bucks.  His daughters are still working.  His sons have sired winning wethers.  His genetics are still going.  Rumour also had DNA on file with the abga for percentage goats.  We sold a LOT of semen at $500 plus.  And we sold a lot of semen the past 8 years.  It goes without saying that Rumour Has It was a very profitable goat.  His progeny still shows up in genetic profiles.   Plus, he has been dead over 5 years.  Is Rumour the most profitable goat ever?  Heck no!   

        I can’t tell you how much That’s What She Said has generated in semen sales or immediate progeny.  I can tell you this much, it is a shit-load.  She Said will go on the Mount Rushmore of top bucks of all time.  And I bet that he hasn’t sold $765,000 worth.  Maybe he has, maybe not. 

       Raff and Jamie have had as big of run as any for a long, long time.  That Black Gold buck sired a lot of champions and wasn’t around a long time.  But people knew who he was.  

       Here’s what I do know.  I have seen a lot of goats in my career.  And I have never seen a real-life offspring of Hazardous.  Who?  Exactly.  Once you tell somebody that it is that black and white, glued-up, photo-shopped buck from some shooting star deal, they go, “Oh yeah.  That one.”  Not one banner pic of a kid.  No major pic, no district pics, nada.  Not one legendary offspring.  Nothing.  Yet, 2 straws of juice at $3,750.  I think not.  

       And THEN.  A week later, 2 more straws are offered by a legit seller on a legit website and they bring $1,100.  That’s a big damn discrepancy.  I’m a thinking that I’m not the only one that is thinking this is all bullshit!   Hell, the owner of hazardous should have at least ran that offering to $2,500 to protect the value.  Oh, but there are no more straws left!  I might believe that if they kept their stuff stored at REI.  Trust me, I know that the inventory at that place varies from month to month.  

         I don’t wish anybody ill-will.  Yet, I don’t want this bullshit stuff to take over the industry.  Keep it realistic.  Jeez!! 

I called bullshit back on that $70K wether in April and I was RIGHT on that deal.  I’m right on this deal as well.  

Time to start selling t-shirts that says, BS–Kelln said!  on the front.  And on the back–He’s right!  

Come on, people!  Keep it real!